@shematriarch |Ā š¤ + 3 ( to say goodbye )
he hates this.Ā itās a game, itās all a game ; they all know it, as well.Ā they congregate in grimmauld place, and sit at the long, elaborately set table, and drink wine and chat, and pretend they arenāt evil.Ā and sirius is caught in it still, caught in this web, because itās the summer holidays and he hasnāt the luxury of being able to leave when he wants.Ā heās never had that luxury, but his mother had made it very clear that morning that he wasnāt to start arguments, wasnāt to draw attention.
and perhaps sirius would fight, normally, but heās so tired.
itās not as though the rest of them donāt know.Ā he goes to school with most of the cousins present here anyway ; they know heās in gryffindor, know what he thinks, know who his friends are.Ā he doesnāt make it a secret.Ā and yet thereās a charade here, and all sirius can do is keep his eyes on the table and pretend as though heās already eaten, because his mother canāt control much about him anymore but this she can control.
later they retire to the sitting room ; the adults.Ā the rest of them are sent to the front room, large enough to hold them all either sitting upon the sofas, the couches, or lounging on the floor.Ā sirius tucks himself into a corner for as long as seems appropriate before he finds it in himself to rise, feigning exhaustion, moving tot eh door.
he hadnāt expected narcissa, of all people, to follow.Ā she catches him in the hallway, and heās ready with a sharp word, but thereās something in her expression that gives him pause.Ā itās simple, quiet - she presses a hand to his shoulder, and it means something he canāt decipher, but the fight floods out of him.Ā all he does is nod in return, watch her move back towards the room ; to their family, to the performance.Ā
maybe he doesnāt hate them all ; but itās so much easier to pretend thatās the case.