#shelldone

Wanted to do something like a fan picture for once, and not just ocs! Donie and Shelly workin' on the cat. perfect father son bonding time!

  “I hiv just one more wish,” Itzu stammered with all his remaining strength as Sharon and Joshwa were getting Shelldone settled in the roomy trunk of the Range Rover.

Annoyed and disinterested by this dying man, both Sharon and Joshwa pretended they couldn’t hear him. Itzu had been nothing but a disruption since he had arrived at their apartment and got them into this whole mess. They wished he would just die already so he would stop being such a bother.

Itzu, determined to be heard, resorted to a cacophonous and grating scream that sounded like a rabid cockatoo in heat. The piercing screams appeared too much for the team and finally, Joshwa relented.

“What is it? What do you want?!? Joshwa shouted back in frustration.

“One last spice Malay meal …. by Feather Pocket,” Itzu responded with short bursts of breath.

Sharon and Joshwa looked at one another. Was Feather Pocket a brand of Hot Pocket? Was it some restaurant in Chinatown that both of them avoided due to MSG sensitivity? Was Feather Pocket an exotic chef from the Food Network that they were missing out on because Joshwa insisted on getting rid of cable to protest the monopolization of Time Warner?

Joshwa and Sharon carried Shelldone out of their building in the box labeled “Franklin’s Feesees” (the zoo staffer never made it to the local community college because he couldn’t read the application questions), wrapped in 1200 thread count flat and fitted sheets. It was decided that they needed to buy new sheets anyway and this was as good of an opportunity as any to get rid of their old ones. Shelldone, meanwhile, was enjoying the soft fabric against his scaly skin. It reminded him of when he used to dress up in drag in the 70s.

  For almost an hour, Sharon attempted to scrub Shelldone’s feces stain out of their hand-woven Peruvian rug. Joshwa was no help because he was too busy fretting over what excuse they would give his Cousin Peppy for the stain. Cousin Peppy had brought back the rug after a hallucinogenic cleansing ritual deep in the forests of Peru and it was unlikely that he could get them another one. At press time, Cousin Peppy has since reformed, met a nice young girl and was working in finance.

Ultimately, Sharon gave up. If she was going to get down on her hands and knees, usually it was a lot more fun than this. Exhausted, Sharon remarked to Joshwa, “I’ve had enough. I’m hungry. We better eat something because we always fight when I’m hungry.”

Joshwa surprised himself by agreeing with Sharon, “Yea—some fried kale would hit the spot right now.”

Joshwa pulled into their destination which Sharon correctly predicted to be their apartment. New at fleeing from the authorities, she knew that they wouldn’t be able to stay long. Sharon was imagining that she would lead the charge to gather the necessary items before fleeing again, this time somewhere a bit more discreet and harder for the two of them to be apprehended. Today was not her best hair day and she didn’t want her first mugshot to be such a poor representation of the normally lukewarm reception of her appearance.

      The upside of the flashing lights was that they could clearly see that a pile of leaves had successfully sheltered Shelldone. This gave a much-needed boost to Itzu’s dwindling self-confidence. Shelldone was holding onto his last hopes that his latest poachers would take off with the security alarm as to not disrupt his long awaited and much deserved morning times sponge bath.

Shelldone warily poked his head out to see what was going to happen. Like Mary J. Blige, Shelldone did not appreciate all this drama in his life.

Unfortunately for Shelldone, his poachers were on a mission that desperately required completion for a variety of reasons, mainly so Shelldone’s highly coveted shell could pay off Joshwa and Sharon’s debts and provide Itzu leverage to be promoted to Senior Junior Captain. Regardless of the actual reasons, Shelldone knew that what was about to happen was not happening “for a reason,” as Shelldone had about as much disdain for that expression as he did for missing his scheduled sponge baths.

“Looky looky,” Itzu muttered with a devilish grin, and impulsively darted towards Shelldone to swoop him up, showing off the latest mastery skills he had learned from his mentor, Storm, in the basement of Storm’s grandmother’s house. As soon as Itzu got the tortoise off the ground, Shelldone snapped his jaw down on one of Itzu’s fingers with the same force and delirium as a snapdragon on meth.

“AAHHHHH mishakakusanabeetzufama!!” Itzu exclaimed in a string of Malaysian profanities and dropped Shelldone with a painful thud. The dizzying impact on Shelldone’s keppe was second only to the time he first tried acid, when he happened upon a concert that featured a then-unknown Jimi Hendrix. Jimi was opening for one of Shelldone’s favorite flower power groups, the British band “The Ancient Tortoises.”