#shawnposting

the parallels between shawn and yang are IN-FUCKING-SANE! an only child who’s father wanted them to be the spitting image of him; a father who was never satisfied with their work and always found a reason to shun them. a father that make growing up into a good person hard/a father that made growing up into a bad person easy. yang loves shawn because he’s what she could’ve been if she rose above her father’s teachings. and shawn despises her even after she saved his life because she’s every bad part of himself he couldn’t shake from his childhood. yang takes a picture with shawn to remind her of the goodness in her; shawn hates her because she’s everything he’s scared that he is.

oh my god. holy shit. deez nups. the entire buttering-up of seeing lassiter happy the whole episode only for the shules event at the end..? the look on shawn’s face is horrible. just seeing the moment where he realizes that nothing he ever did was good enough for anybody; that his life and choices in life aren’t worth the effort he put into them. where no matter how much good he does- how many murderers he catches; he’s a failure above all else. it’s a direct parallel to his relationship with his dad; the way that he has to choose profession or love and neither way is a good option. where love sculpts you into an ugly vision of self where you only live to please others; and profession offers you joy but only at the expense of never being able to be yourself. shawn doesn’t win in either of these scenarios and he can’t because there’s no way to. no matter what happens after this episode; I don’t think shawn will ever be fully redeemed as a concept; as a character? sure, they need to keep the plot moving. but as a person? in real life that kind of thing doesn’t just disappear after a couple of filler episodes, it lingers and reminds you that people love you until; until they meet a part of you they don’t like, until they figure out a part of you that they didn’t want to. and it’s your fault for being broken; it’s your fault for having that part; that indescribable part that even you aren’t too sure you’d like to share. but they see it, and all the time before that is only until.

ok no way henry just told shawn that he never should’ve come back to santa barbara. that is an UNBELIEVABLE thing to say to your child; especially when he’s just made a decision that could cost him his livelihood. a parent should be in your corner no matter what, but especially when you make a mistake. but henry is only angry; like he always is. and shawn thinks he deserves it. he really thinks he deserves it.

i feel like sometimes shawn acts really apathetic because he doesn’t need to ask what’s wrong; he already knows and he doesn’t think there’s a point in asking. of course, this is seen as sort of rude by others. but for anything, he cannot wrap his mind around having to ask. because he knows. above everything else, he knows. his whole life, nothing was allowed to be wrong with him and now that he sees “flaws” in others he only offers solutions because that’s all he was allowed to partake in himself. he couldn’t show emotion or distress, so he’s confused and frustrated when other people don’t just fix themselves. yes, this is cruel but he doesn’t get that.

shawn slowly losing interest in solving crimes; becoming less and less involved in the psychic charade. coming to terms with the fact that maybe he never wanted to do this, or to be the way he is. tracing scars on his knees from shards of glass that covered easter eggs and realizing that other kids just got candy. not being able to stomach the fact that he fears observing himself too closely; for a deduction about how he operates may kill what’s left of him. him searching for any amount of self-worth to keep him from quitting the only thing he has left, and finding none. scraping the bottom of the barrel for months only to start clawing at the surface below. so he tears himself apart trying to be what his friends think he is and fails. finally taking the time to step back from his life and realize that everything he’s ever done has been for appearances; not for himself. shawn quitting, moving away from santa barbara and never looking back.