#sharp erryday

pls no one say they love me it makes me want to cry

(don't know how to respond to this uuuuhhhhhhhh)

From the outside it would appear as though everything was normal inside Altissia’s Totomostro Arena. On this night however, everything inside the arena had suddenly fallen abnormally silent.

The ticket for this round, you see, had contained, among other things, a cockatrice and a basilisk. At this stage the rest of the monsters had been defeated, and the two fowls had decided that rather than fight one another, they would much rather... well...

“Oh yeah!” an excited voice called out from one of the most expensive boxes in the house. “Make love, not war!”

“Prompto...” Gladiolus hissed through his teeth at the Prince’s companion.

In the middle of the arena, the basilisk and it’s chosen mate seemed to pay no attention to the whispers and stares of the audience. The speakers crackled to life as the arena announcer attempted to address the problem.

“Our apologies ladies and gentlemen,” a rather nervous sounding man began. “We request that any children in the audience please avert their eyes.”

Ignis scoffed.

“Avert their eyes?” he asked, clearly finding the idea unacceptable. “So the extreme violence a child might witness in this arena is acceptable, but a perfectly natural act like fornication is not?”

“Iggy...” Gladio groaned. “You’re not helping.”

“I should think that a smart parent would take this opportunity to teach their children about a few vital facts of life, rather than forcing said children...”

A small fuss had started near the edges of the arena as several handlers seemed to be trying to sort out whether or not it was worth trying to separate the two creatures. 

“You know,” Prompto began. “I had always wondered how they do that. What with the long tails and all.”

It was clear to at least one of the others that Prompto was showing a little too much interest in the proceedings.

Prince Noctis however had been strangely silent since the two creatures had first begun this most natural of interactions, but when Ignis had finally finished his rant, which by the end covered bad parenting, a certain lack of foresight from the event organizers, and the state of censorship in the realm in general, Noctis spoke, without ever tearing his eyes away from the cockatrice and basilisk which were still connected in the middle of the arena.

“So...” he began slowly. “I bet on the cockatrice and it’s on top, so does that mean I win?”

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