Q awoke with a start, confused and afraid. Two things he never used to feel before. He sat up from the bed in the room he'd been trapped in, his stomach feeling weird. He didn't know how to describe it, maybe emptiness?

He looked around and noticed the…what was it again? Robot? Android? Tin can? They were all the same thing to him.

“A visitor, hmm?” Q smirked, thrilled to have someone to talk to, “I'd much rather have Pıcard, but I guess you'll do for now, robot.”

“I am not a robot,” Dåta corrected him, “I am an android.”

“Bah, same thing,” Q rolled his eyes as he paced around in his confined chamber.

Dåta blinked and furrowed his brows, “no, Q, I do not think they are.”

“Oh, whadduyou-” suddenly, Q was interrupted by a loud, “HULP!”

Q's eyes widened and he covered his mouth. He felt himself trembling as his heart began to race faster. He looked at Dåta, and the android recognized the fear in his eyes.

“What was-” Q paused as another, “HICKULK!” popped out of him.

His breathing picked up, slightly panicking. Was the room always this small? He needed more room, more space.

“Q?” Dåta tilted his head curiously at the display.

“Call Pıcard,” Q pleaded, feeling lightheaded and afraid, “I think I'm HICK! I'm dying…is this what HUCK! death is like? Miniature explo-HOLP!-explosions in my stom-ACH!”

“You are not at any risk of death,” Dåta tried to reassure him. “You have the hiccups.”

“The what?” Q's voice cracked as his breath was still labored and interrupted by the powerful spasms that were tormenting him.

“Hiccups,” Dåta repeated, “involuntary contractions of the diaphragm muscle, followed by a sudden closure of the vocal cords, resulting in a characteristic ‘hic’ sound.”

“HICKULK! please, get Pıcard,” Q pulled at his hair as he curled up. 

“It is unnecessary to-”

Dåta froze when Q interrupted him in the most genuinely terrified whisper, “please.”

The android unnecessarily sighed before calling for the Captain to meet them.

“The Captain is on his way,” Dåta informed him, kneeling down to his level, “there is no need for alarm. You will be okay. The hiccups will pass. Just give it time.”

Q couldn't focus on what Dåta was saying. He just wanted Pıcard. Now the room was getting blurry? He closed his eyes and hugged his knees.

The doors opened and Captain Pıcard arrived.

“Dåta, what's going on?” He asked, looking at the being that had been an agent of chaos throughout his trek.

“It appears that Q is experiencing the hiccups,” Dåta informed him.

Pıcard raised an eyebrow incredulously, slowly turning to Dåta, “hiccups?”

“Yes, sir,” Dåta nodded, “hiccups, involuntary contractions of the diaphragm muscle, followed by-”

“Yes yes, thank you, Dåta,” Pıcard interrupted him, “you called me down here…over a case of hiccups.”

Dåta blinked, “I suppose I did. Q was requesting to see you immediately…he seems extremely frightened.”

Pıcard's brows shot up in shock, “over hiccups?”

“It appears so,” Dåta nodded.

The captain tilted his head before turning to Q. He noticed the distant look of fear in his eyes as another hiccup jolted his head back. Pıcard walked over to the force field, “Q…this is Captain Pıcard.”

Q peeked up at the Captain through his tears. Pıcard's jaw dropped slightly. He hadn't been fully convinced that Q was being truthful about becoming human. 

“Lower the force field,” Pıcard requested.

“But sir-”

“Just, trust me,” he said with no room for arguments.

They lowered the force field and Pıcard slowly walked up to Q as if he were a frightened wild animal. Pıcard sat down beside him, Q watching his every move.

“Breathe, you're okay, trust me,” Pıcard assured him, offering a hand.

Q's lip quivered and he threw himself at Pıcard. Dåta prepared to reach for his phaser, but Pıcard held up his other hand, “remain in your position.”

Q was crying into Pıcard's chest as he hugged the captain, his hiccups increasing in speed and strength, terrifying him even more. If Pıcard didn't know any better, he'd say Q was acting childish. Though, he'd always thought Q was childish.

“Shh, shh,” Pıcard attempted to soothe him, stroking his hair back and patting his back. “You are not in any danger. You're safe here.”

Q shook his head, “not safe HICKOLP!-” he whimpered and shut his eyes tightly, “I'm dy-INGK!”

“You are not dying,” Pıcard told him, “you just have the hiccups. It's…a human inconvenience. I can assist in trying to cure them, but I need you to relax. Getting worked up is just going to make it worse. Can you try and take deep breaths with me?”

Pıcard demonstratively took a deep breath in through his nose and then slowly let it out through his mouth. 

Q sniffed and sobbed, “I HULK! I can't do HOOP! it!”

“Yes you can,” Pıcard encouraged, “Q, look at me.” It took a few moments but he eventually looked up at Pıcard with the most miserable look on his face. “I'm right here with you.”

“As am I,” Dåta called, making both Pıcard and Q startle. “Sorry, I did not mean to startle you.”

“It's quite al–right,” Pıcard's brows furrowed as he felt his own chest jolt with a silent hiccup.

Apparently, Q felt it too and backed away from Pıcard worriedly, “they're HULGK! contagious? HINGK! I'm so-HUK!-sorry!”

“No, it hmpk it isn't your hrmk fault K–Q,” Pıcard put a hand on his chest, jolting with more quiet hiccups. He turned to Dåta, “Dåta can you mmk please get us some wa–ter?”

“Certainly, I shall make a swift return,” Dåta nodded and left the room.

Pıcard turned back to Q, “you can nk come back t–to me, if you wish hilmk to calm down.”

He extended his arms. Q stared at Pıcard, or tried to, he'd kept pulling back by hiccups. He eventually crawled back over to Pıcard and hugged him.

“Good goo–ood, now, listen nk’up!-oh,” he covered his mouth with his fist, keeping one hand on Q's back. Pıcard could hear and feel Q giggling quietly and he smirked, “what? You think this hu'up! is funny now?”

“Sounds silly ‘GUP!,” Q covered his mouth, trying to hide his amusement.

Pıcard raised an eyebrow, “I sound si-ic!-silly? Impossi–ble. You sound hup'k! silly.”

Q giggled and hiccuped, “nuh-HULP!-nuh-uh!”

Pıcard smiled, a giggly Q was much better than a terrified Q it seemed. But why? Q had randomly popped up to torment him and his crew constantly. He would always get in the way. Shouldn't he relish the fact that Q was terrified?

Pıcard had to admit, he did feel sympathy when he'd first seen Q in tears and shaking like a leaf. He imagined had this been the first time he was human and his body experienced something it hadn't before, he'd probably be a bit freaked out too.

As Q continued snuggling with him, them both sharing hiccups, Pıcard realized that maybe Q wouldn't be so bad as a human.

Especially with the smile and pleasant look on his face as he'd calmed down in Pıcard's hold. Something had shifted, it didn't seem like Q. This Q reminded him of a child. Not an adult that's childish, but a literal child. Was it possible that Q had regressed at some point?

Pıcard didn't know a lot about age regressıon. He personally hadn't experienced it, but he'd heard about it. One of the people on his old crew had been a regressør. Should he ask Q about it? Was this just because he was human? Or was this something he did even as the entity?

“Cap-ULP!-in Pıcard?” Q looked up at him with innocent eyes.

“Yes, hulp'k! Q?” Pıcard looked back at him curiously.

“Am I gonna HIUP! be ok?” Q still worried a bit.

Pıcard nodded and rubbed his back, “yes, himpkip!-mm. You're going to be hup! fine. See? They're harmless just hmp! annoying.”

“Kay,” Q nodded, trusting him completely.

Pıcard smiled at him, “Dåta should ulk! be back any min–any minute with that wa-huckuck!-water.”

“What's wat-URK! gonna do?” Q asked curiously.

“Well, it's ingk! going to cure me and ho–opefully cure you too-hugk'lk!-uh,” Pıcard explained.

“Cure?” Q tilted his head.

“It will make the hick! hiccups cease,” the captain made it clearer.

“Oh? Make HILK! it stop?” Q's face lit up with hope.

Pıcard found it truly adorable, “yes.”

Soon after that, Dåta returned with two glasses of water. “Captain, here are the waters you have requested.”

“Ah, yes, thank hiuk! you, Dåta,” Pıcard reached up and carefully grabbed one of the glasses. “Now watch hmgk! Q, drink it like hip! this.”

Pıcard waited until Q was watching before slowly drinking the entire glass of water. He muffled a burp behind his lips and fist, waited a moment, then smiled.

“And voila, the hiccups are gone,” Pıcard patted his head. “Whew, good thing too. I was getting tired of my words being interrupted every few seconds.”

Q's eyes sparkled, “whoooa, HURK! my turn! My HILK! turn!”

Pıcard nodded and handed Dåta the empty glass in return for the full glass. Pıcard helped Q sit up, “I'll help you drink it, and remember, drink it slowly.”

“Kay, Cap'n HUP! Pıcard,” Q nodded.

Pıcard tilted the glass into Q's mouth and helped him adjust to swallowing. After a rocky start, Q got the hang of it and soon enough the glass was emptied.

“All done!” Q cheered.

“Very well done,” Pıcard nodded.

“Now what?” Q tilted his head.

“Now we wait and see if it worked,” Pıcard tapped his nose with his finger, making Q giggle slightly.

After a few moments, Q smiled, “think…they're gone!”

“You are correct,” Pıcard nodded.

“But…tummy still feel weird,” Q complained and held his stomach.

They all heard a rumble in his stomach.

“Ah, it appears that you are experiencing hunger,” Dåta explained.

“Yes, you're hungry…how about I take you to Deck 10 forward to get you some food?” Pıcard offered.

Q nodded, he would go anywhere Pıcard told him to as long as he was there with him. The captain nodded and stood up. He extended his hands to Q. The new human took his hands and stood up with a bit of difficulty. He hadn't known why he was feeling fuzzier and fuzzier, but it was a nice, warm feeling, so it hadn't scared him. But being this close to Pıcard helped and felt nice. He was being nice to him, a definite shift from earlier. Did he know what was going on?

Q looked at Pıcard, “Cap'n Pıcard?”

“Yes, Q?” Pıcard responded as he had prepared to start going to the particular deck.

“...d'ya know why m'so…fuzzy? And warm? And safe?” Q squeezed his hand.

“And younger, perchance?” Pıcard questioned.

“Younger? Dunno what that feels like,” Q tilted his head.

“I believe he is experiencing an age regressıon of some sort, sir,” Dåta informed him, albeit a bit timidly. “Q might not have had a childhood, which explains why he would not know what younger means or feels like.”

Pıcard would ask about why he was shy about it later, but right now, his focus was getting Q some answers and some food.

“I came to the same conclusion, Mr. Dåta,” he nodded to him instead before looking at Q again before explaining.

Q hung onto every word that Pıcard was saying.

“The fear of the unknown must have triggered the regression,” Dåta added.

“How I stop?” Q asked curiously, not that he'd wanted to stop. Pıcard was being nice to him and letting him hold his hand and stay close to him.

“You have to give it time,” Dåta explained, “I advise you to enjoy it while it lasts.”

“Kay,” Q nodded, then turned to Pıcard, “we go now.”

Pıcard nodded and started leading him out of the room and towards a turbolıft. Dåta stayed in his spot until Q had requested he come along too. Q reached for Dåta's hand and the android accepted it with a small smile.

Q swung both their arms happily on the way to the turbolift, humming to himself. Pıcard smiled slightly in amusement. 

The three of them made it to the turbolıft and went inside.

“10 forward,” Pıcard said and the lift moved.

Q squeaked and squeezed both Pıcard and Dåta's hands.

“It is alright, you are safe with us,” Dåta reassured him.

“Dåta is correct,” Pıcard agreed, “no harm will come towards you here. There's no need to fear.”

Q whimpered and closed his eyes as the lift slowed to a halt and the doors opened.

“See? We've arrived,” Pıcard pointed out and led everyone to the lounge.

Q looked around in awe. He gasped at the view of the stars through the window. Pıcard smiled at his reaction. He could feel Q tugging them to get closer to the window, looking at Pıcard with pleading eyes. 

Pıcard nodded, looking at Dåta, “Mr. Dåta, can you order something you think he would enjoy?”

“Yes, sir,” Dåta nodded and headed over to the bar where Guınan was tending.

Q giggled and led Pıcard to the window, putting his hands and face right on the glass. He watched the stars in complete awe.

“Cap'n Pıcard! Look!” Q pointed at the window.

Pıcard smiled slightly, “I see, you enjoy watching the stars? Aren't they lovely?”

Q nodded, “pretty…”

Suddenly Q's stomach grumbled and he whined as he gripped his tummy. Pıcard wrapped an arm around him and led him over to where Dåta was waiting with–wait, how many ice cream sundaes?

“Dåta, why did you order ten chocolate ice cream sundaes?” Pıcard questioned.

“What that?” Q's eyes sparkled as he tasted one of the sundaes. “Mmmmm, s'good!”

As Q continued to devour all ten of the sundaes, Pıcard watched in complete shock.

“Q, maybe you shouldn't eat so much,” Pıcard warned a bit too late, “you'll give yourself a belly ache.”

Q groaned as his tummy grumbled unhappily and he hugged his stomach, “uugghhh…tummy not happy.”

“I tried to warn you-”

“HULGK!-uggghh,” Q grunted uncomfortably. “Cap'n it HUP! hurts…”

Jeån-Lůc sighed, “alright, come on, let's visit sickbay. Perhaps Dr. Crvsher will be able to find something to assist with your stomach ache."

“HUCKULK!” Q covered his mouth with his hands.

“And those hiccups,” Dåta included.

Pıcard nodded, “agreed.”

Q looked at Jeån-Lůc and then Dåta and then hopped down from the bar stool and held out his hands to the others.

Dåta and Pıcard held his hands and headed towards sickbay.

Saying that the Interviewer liked books would be the understatement of the century. They were a form of comfort, a source of stability in a life that couldn’t ever be mistaken for dull. 

Naturally when Alvina announced that he would have to cut costs, as they had a massive shortage of clients, prompted him to do exactly the opposite and pick up some more volumes of his favourite book series. The Worlds of Chrestomanci was a massively underappreciated book series, in his opinion. Catching up with their many, many adventures, always brightened his day, even if he’d read all the books atleast thrice by now. 

Rumours of an eighth novel had leaked (though he knew this to be resolutely false) and he wanted to find out what EXACTLY the fuss had been all about. What better place than to find out at the bookshop? 

He knew Amelia had a favourite, a place named ‘Books and Such’, and while he’d never actually been there himself, he knew that she had similiar taste to him, even if she stubbornly refused to read Chrestomanci. 

He shook it off, asked her for directions to the place, via creepy doll. 

“So, it’s just a little ahead,” she’d explained. “You know, you might just know it when you see it.” 

He resisted the urge to throw the doll as far as he could and cry hysterically. You’ll just know it when you see it. He rarely saw her, but could she REALLY have been more cryptic?

“Rewrite my language in gibberish and call me a cipher, if I would have known it, I would not have asked you for directions, Amelia!” He groaned. 

He couldn’t see her herself, but he could hear her roll her eyes at this. 

“Listen-”

“Listening.” 

“-Ugh.  Go straight, take two lefts, go straight again, you’ll know it when you see it.” 

“Amelia-” 

“Right, you wouldn’t know it if you saw it. You wouldn’t even know it if it bit you in the neck.” 

“Amelia!” 

“What?” 

“I’m already there!” 

She appeared to be slightly cowed by this. “Oh. Enjoy yourself, then, I suppose.” 

Then: “If you’re already there, then WHY would you ask me for directions in the first place?” 

“Well....I just wanted to talk to you, that’s all.” 

She sighed. “All right.” As she relented, he heard a strange feedback coming from the receiver. Was she shaking the doll around again? 

“Yes, yes, okay, okay. Yes, all right. Yes, Alvina, I will tell him.” 

Tell him? Tell him what? 

“You still there?” 

“Present and accounted for. What was that all about?” 

“Oh. Right. We have a new client. She’s scheduled an appointment in an hour.” 

“Oh, is that right?” He snarked. 

Whatever was on her mind, she didn’t really catch his drift. Despite this, he could actually hear her smile as she said, “I have a feeling you might actually like this one.” 

They did have similiar taste, after all. He smiled, partly relieved and partly excited at the prospect. 

Nessie had lived a long life, one filled with colour and excitement. She’d hired the Project to make her disappear just to get a break from it all, escape to wonders previously unknown. 

She’d seen all of them as the Loch Ness monster, of course, swimming the depths of the oceans, following the course of the waters, seeing where they took her. 

People had been scared off, then again, people were yellow bellied, fickle little things. Nessie had lived forever, but not one person had seen her for who she truly was: Nessie, just a slightly oversized girl who loved liquor and the beach. 

She shook her head, and stared out at the shoreline ahead. Those days were long behind here. Now, she would try to live life to the fullest. Er, more than before, anyway. 

“Hello,” a voice said behind her. 

She didn’t scare easily, but she jumped back startled. “Who-what-what ARE you?” 

The kraken looked annoyed. “It’s me, Kenny. I had a feeling I’d find you here.” 

She heaved a sigh of relief. “Oh, okay.” Kenny, much like her, was also a cryptid who had disappeared recently, so he knew what it was like. 

“Did you bring your scorch?” Kenny asked, splashing around as he did. 

“Is that a question now, really? Dae ah bring me scotch? Cos I did!” 

“Oh, share?” 

“Cos.” 

So, I decided to help him. Ozzy was a dear friend after all.

“Disappearances should be your game, right? Seeing as how you can actually do magic.”

“That’s true,” he mused. “But, but.”

I was intrigued. “Yes?”

“But I need a partner,” he wailed. “And Crowley simply refuses to learn the Gavotte!”

“Ah.” I could understand where he was coming from with this. Even my, ah, friend, had quite publicly refused to accompany me to the Hundred Guineas Club, if not for the actual dance form itself, for the reputation of the place.

I had always wanted to learn the gavotte, so naturally, I agreed.

“Fine, but is that all you require of me, Ozzy?”

The man smiled, a radiant smile that even till this day, I have trouble getting out of my mind.

“Absolutely, and thank you, Arthur.”

I returned this with a smile of my own. “Not a problem.”

__________________________________________________________

When he paused for breath, Alvina asked, “How did he know what your name was?”

The Interviewer shrugged. The thought simply hadn’t occurred to him. How DID Ozzy know? He shrugged it off as being one of his ‘angelic divinations’ and said, “Alvina, this cocoa is divine!”

She nodded, hand on her heart, as if to acknowledge this in a show of false modesty. “Oh.”

“I mean it!”

She smirked, that adorable, lopsided grin of hers. “I know.” Then: “Who was your friend?”

“My…friend?”

She looked at him, wondering how he hadn’t caught on.

“Oh…Oh! That friend! Right. The times were different, now, I couldn’t very well go around calling him my boyfriend, now, could I?”

She considered this. “That’s there, I suppose. What happened next?”

“Patience, dear heart, every good story has an element of suspense, a curiosity to know what happens next.”

She rolled her eyes, as he sighed, “Very well,” and continued his story.

__________________________________________________________

Ozzy, as agreed, met me at the Hundred Guineas Club to discuss our plans further.

“So, now what?” I asked. I was already beginning to feel a little tetchy, and with no resolution on his disappearance in sight, I began to lose the enthusiasm I had for the Gavotte as well.

Ozzy simply smiled. “Dance like everyone is watching, good fellow, what else?”

I was thoroughly confused. Wasn’t the phrase ‘dance like NO body’s watching?’ Ozzy’s energy was infectious, however, and before I knew it, despite my general mood, I smiled at this.

“How many people are there?”

“For a comfortable division, I’d say eight or nine, perhaps.”

Prior to our meeting at the club, I had only seen performances being done with as many as thirty. I frowned at this, remembering these performances and asked him, yet again, “Ozzy-”

“Aziraphale,” the angel corrected, not unkindly.

“Oh, you know I have trouble saying that!” I protested. “Is this number so small only because of the number of gentlemen present?”

Ozzy-erm, Aziraphale chuckled. “Now, if there were too many of them, where would be the fun in it?”

“True,” I deliberated.