#free space

I don't wanna be alone right now..

But I don't wanna... bother anybody. I'm scared.

I'm... tired, y'know? Really tired..

I got this sense of dread

I feel empty again...

I guess my dad just not really being here weighs down on me more than I thought.

I'm gonna leave... sometime. Dunno when, but..

I don't want to leave. I don't wanna go...

I'm calm with my dad, I'm... hell, I'm at a lot more ease!!!

And I love my mom, so much... I love her, but..

I also love my dad. And I only get to see him so often..

Maybe things will get better once we move.

I'm gonna have to leave to go back home soon, and..

God, I don't wanna leave my dad...

I love him so much... and to leave him all over again? Only seeing him on Christmas and Summer Break?

I don't want to leave... I wanna spend the rest of my days with my dad. It's not fair...

I wish they never broke up... I wish I could see my dad for his weekends again. Like it was before.. I'd be happier.

I've been crying nonstop for a while

I just don't wanna go...

When you have stuff to do..

But you don't wanna

Because you wanna watch anime

Motivation slacking lwk

I don't feel great.

I'm tired, I'm upset...

Is my career (that I want) even worth it? Am I even worth it?!

Someone just kick my stomach and tell me I'm worthless.

I'm so tired man.. I'm really tired.

There's so much going on.

Fine. I am jealous.

They've been just... talking to someone we'll call Sneezy

Sneezy is Jolly's friend. Fine with that, I don't care who Jolly makes friends with, boy, girl, non-binary, this and that...

As long as they're safe and happy, I'm fine.

But I just.. they call sometimes and I dunno...

They don't ask to call me. They don't.. rlly text me as much as I'd like them to.

And if I don't answer I'm probably working or doing something else!! That's not my fault!

It's not their fault either, but I just..

They're trying, said I could call them and Sneezy, but I... I'm doing something today, and I'm scared. I'm really scared.

What if I'm mean on accident? What if I'm too quiet?? They said they'll pay attention, sure, but I just?..

What if they don't? What if they forget? I could be too much but too little.. what if I AM too little, what if I don't LIKE Sneezy?! What if Sneezy doesn't like me?!

Will that impact what we have, will it cause a fight and it'll be MY FAULT?!

All because emotions got in the way of STUPID reality and I'm the fucking WORST girlfriend to fucking exist.

I can't cry, I don't wanna cry, but I can't fucking help it anymore...

They're trying so hard to include me, but..

What if I'm not how they want me to be? If I mess up something??

I don't wanna mess something up.. I just wanna be normal.

I wanna be fine...

God dammit.

God dammit god dammit god dammit why do I want their attention so badly?!

I want love I want them to LOVE ME.

And they do! They do. They really do. I know that, I know that I don't know why I'm getting so UPSET.

But idk if im gonna be able to text them today!! They were BUSY and I'm gonna be busy and--

I don't want to... I don't want to ask.

Over my dead body.