#shamhat

like some hunter dude goes into the city and is like

hunter: hello king gilgamesh. I have a problem. there’s this super hot and muscular feral man in the woods and he is Getting In The Way of my whole hunting gig since he is protecting the deer and spooking me

gilgamesh: huh! neat! you should ask this super hot priestess shamhat to help I bet she could pspsps him out of the woods ;)

hunter: …

gilgamesh: with sex, I mean

hunter: no, uh, that was clear. thanks.

and clearly shamhat was like “sure, why not. road trip (:”

please know that I am picturing “brought him down” like she fuckin. grabbed Enkidu by the antlers and wrestled him to the ground btw. shamhat has the body of a WWE wrestler to ME

anyway so she and Enkidu have marathon sex for “six days and seven nights”

and after this marathon sex she’s just like. hmm. what if I, shamhat, was the ultimate wingman ✨

shamhat: hey you’re super hot and muscular. so I know this other super strong guy -

enkidu: for me to punch ? (:

shamhat: … not quite! though if you wanted to wrestle him I think he’d be into it

enkidu: ?????

shamhat: aww. you will learn. please let me take you to the city and introduce you to a hot guy who you are the dream guy of (literally) ;)

and this is why when enkidu is having his breakdown about impending death and cursing everyone involved in taking him from the woods, even shamash the sun god was like “woah bro, why would you curse shamhat??? she literally wingmanned for you and introduced you to gilgamesh ???

and enkidu was like. shit. you’re right. actually shamhat deserves all the nice things. bless her. @ shamhat I hope everyone forever thinks you’re so hot they’re throwing themselves at you or at least throwing gold and jewelry at you 💕