I had a rough January. One of my only reprieves was reading through stories on the app game Choices. For the uninitiated, it's an app full of interactable books, where you can customize the main character and make choices that affect the outcomes of the story.
Immortal Desires is one of the stories on the app. It's pretty much a basic cheesy teen vampire romance novel---which, admittedly, is a comfort genre of mine. I got attached pretty quickly to the bad boy love interest, Cas Harlow. And it actually inspired me to draw, hence the art.
Was this just an excuse to be a gay simp for a fictional vampire? Why yes, yes it was. But I deserve a little simping...just as a treat.
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Soooo here’s another dump!! It’s got a variety of things such as: my sad attempt at drawing Marc n Steven; my Moon Knight OC (again 😌✨) my artist-sona thingy; RANBOO???; and some Resident Evil 4 referencesssssss (I got it for Christmas and I am OBSESSED ‼️‼️‼️)
and then for context for the first and then the second pictures, I rlly liked how she turned out before I started drawing all the little details n stuff so I decided to take a picture in case I ruined it w said details lmao.
How do I love? I love too much and too brightly with all my heart, and only a sliver gets through to the outside.
Why then don't I let myself say it? Why does the thought of "i love you" steel my heart and clench my fist? Because I do love... every time...
Perhaps the answer is so simple it has been here all along. Because it hurts. It hurts when you blush, knowing I never will.. Hurts seeing you laugh it off because my love is not conventional.
I won't kiss you, but i dream of talking to you late into the midnights. I won't give you a title, but I'll feel uneasy without you... incomplete? Perhaps.
So it hurts. So i write. So i sing. So i collapse in on myself. So i turn to the sky– with her sunsets and her nights. They comfort me when you have hurt me. You hurt me. And I hated you. I hated you because I could never do anything else.
Tonight I lie in the stars' lap, because tomorrow when you call me, I will listen for as long as you talk.
For some reason, I kept getting this insane image in my head of (imaginary pretty) me dating Sebastian, and him finding this blog. XD So, I decided to write it. Maybe now it'll get out of my damn head lol
"Hey, babe, can I use your computer real quick?"
Ali shrugged, not even turning to look at him. "Yeah, of course. You know the password."
There was some clicking, and then silence. She figured he was just checking his email or something and thought nothing of it, until she heard a strange, strangled noise. Concerned, she spun around to check on him, and watched the most astonishing array of emotions pass over his face in a matter of seconds.
"Hun? You okay?"
Sebastian's face was turning funny colors and his fist was practically crushing his mouth, but he nodded.
"...You sure?"
Nodding again as she approached, he let out a strained giggle, wide blue eyes locked on the screen. Ali moved closer and leaned over his shoulder, and then groaned.
He was reading her tumblr.
"Close that! That's-" She stalled; she couldn't exactly say it was private. It was a public blog, and besides, she never kept secrets from Sebastian. He knew she was a fan long before they'd started dating, and he knew she had a tumblr... he'd just never seen it.
"It was still open!" He was laughing outright now, slapping her hands away when she attempted to snatch her laptop away or at least stop him from scrolling. "It was the first thing I saw when I pulled up your browser!"
"It's nothing!"
"I didn't realize you still posted so regularly..."
"Not about you! I mean, yes about you, but like... Not us!" She could feel her face getting redder and redder. Her boyfriend laughed harder with each post he saw.
"You still post about me like you've never met me. That is amazing!"
"Seriously, Seb, close it!"
"Aww, baaabe! You think I'm perfect?"
Ali scowled, smacking him upside the head. "Not right now, I don't! What the hell did you need this for, anyway?"
"It can wait a minute. This is gold!" He was howling with laughter, tears glistening in his eyes as he kept scrolling. "It's like you're living a double life! How do you keep this going?"
"I promised I'd never brag about knowing you," she growled, "I never said I'd stop adoring you or your work."
"Is this you adoring me?" he teased, nudging her.
"Boy, this is me about to smack you if you don't close that tab and do whatever the hell you needed to do!"
"Awww, muffin!" She raised a hand threateningly, and he only laughed and pulled her into his lap... And continued scrolling. "Your eyes are like two limpid pools of loveliness!"
"I did not write that!"
"Your hair is like a golden waterfall!"
"That is nowhere on this page. You have brown hair, anyway! Quit quoting Red Dwarf, you dork!"
He ignored her and grinned like an imbecile. "Plus, those short skirts you wear make me really horny!"
That did it. Ali couldn't stay mad if she tried. Clinging to Sebastian to hold herself upright, she dissolved into a fit of helpless giggles, just barely managing to choke out, "If you ever... wore a skirt... I would DIE!"
"Well, we can't have that." He kissed her cheek, still shaking with barely contained laughter. "Damn. Time to cancel my plans for this evening."
"Ohmygod shut UP!"
He caught her hand as she pulled it back to whack his chest, and brought it to his lips instead. "I love you."
Still giggling, Ali nodded and leaned in for a real kiss. "I love you, too."
"Clearly!" Snickering when she pried her hand free and this time did whack him, he finally reached past her and opened a new tab to check his email. "That's really funny. Oh man, I'm gonna be laughing about that for days."
"You're a dick." Hiding a fond smile, she rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. All this time, she'd been dreading the day he saw the extent of her fangirling over him. She thought he'd be embarrassed, or creeped out. Somehow, the thought that he'd find it fucking hilarious had never occurred to her.
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If I had 2 wishes my second wish would be to insert all of the ron weasley defence club into half blood prince and let you guys have at it
She slammed the door behind her and ran, as fast as she could, to the farthest classroom she could find. She couldn’t face anyone right now, didn’t want to face anyone, and she did not want anyone to try and offer her stupid, vapid consolations. There was nothing she wanted but to be alone and to mourn the romance she never had.
Hermione Granger strode briskly to a faraway desk and sat on it, sniffling. She hated it. Hated how a simple, stupid, insignificant boy could reduce her to a crying idiot who pined and longed for the impossible when she had so much more things to do. She wasn’t supposed to be a shallow teenage girl whose only concern was to go out with the boy she liked. She was better than that! She was the smartest of her class! She wasn’t one of these cows who put on outrageous dresses to catch a boy’s attention!
Her sniffles eventually became sobs, again. Crying! Crying over something so idiotic as a stupid school crush! Why was she like this? She was above all that, she was not a childish little girl who believed in princes and fairy tales!
But she had invited him. She had told him she wanted him to go with her. And for a while things had been wonderful, until he’d suddenly turned awful and icy from one day to the next. That wasn’t how it was meant to work! Why had he done that? She hadn’t said anything bad to him, and he had been so considerate and sweet until something had happened and his caveman switch had flipped back on with a vengeance. What had she done to deserve this?
Hermione buried her face in her hands, and kept on crying.
“Well, that happened.”
She nearly jumped out of her skin, hand going to her wand, and looked around wildly before finding the source of the voice. Only then did she let herself relax a bit.
There was a girl standing in the corner closest to the door. She had brownish black hair, contrasting sharply with the almost sickly pallor of her skin. Her green eyes were emphasized by large, square black-rimmed glasses. Had she put on rounder frames, this girl could have passed for Harry’s long-lost twin sister, albeit with duller eyes.
Her school robes – which seemed a bit large on her – were embroidered with the crest of a black badger on a yellow background. Hufflepuff, then; though Hermione didn’t recall having ever seen her previously, not even on prefect patrols.
The girl waved a dismissive hand.
“Don’t worry about that, you definitely don’t know me. I’m Vivian Onim, and I definitely know you, Hermione Granger.”
Hermione tensed up again, her hand immediately going to her pocket. The girl’s – Vivian’s – face twisted with an odd smirk.
“Oh, I don’t think so, not after your lovely little display of affection back there. Don’t worry, you’ll get it back once I’m done. Probably.”
“What are you talking about? Where is my wand?” Hermione barked, wiping her tears with a clenched fist, but an undercurrent of panic crept in her voice. Her wand had been in her pocket this entire time, she was sure of it, hell, she had just felt it not a minute ago!
Vivian pulled a wand out of her own pocket, and Hermione’s jaw dropped. It was her wand! That bint had stolen her wand – but how? She would have at least felt the weight of her wand leaving her pocket, she couldn’t have been that distracted!
“Welcome to my world”, Vivian shrugged, still with that weird smirk on her face, “where the narrative isn’t catering to your whims, but mine. Nice change of pace, isn’t it?”
Hermione blinked before shaking her head and extending her hand with more calm than she felt. “Give it to me. Right now. Give it back!”
“And get myself a faceful of canaries? Tempting, but no.”
The Gryffindor prefect let out a frustrated sound before jumping for it. She was beyond caring now. She was heartbroken and she wasn’t going to let anyone else walk all over her; let her lose points and get a detention, she was going to get her wand back and hex the snot out of this smug bitch.
At least, that was the plan.
What happened instead was that said smug bitch made a sweeping motion with her wand - Hermione’s wand! - and the ground grew squishy and slippery, making Hermione fall down on all fours. She quickly got to her knees, but… no way to stand back up. She was trapped.
Ever see yourself as a character in a piece of fiction so hard...
that you go and write a full blown fanfiction that stars you as a fully developed character that fits seemlessly into the universe? Just so you can reread it and live out the fantasy over and over? Even if you don't end up publishing it because it's so obviously a shameless self-insert?
