#shadows.txt

i am an eclectic witch with christian roots, although i have let go of the faith and now leans into agnostic paganism. i've been practising for more or less five years, but i've only decided to call myself a witch only a year ago, when my partner encouraged me to stay true to myself and follow what i feel most connected to.

as someone in the scientific field (psychology), i also identify as a sass (skeptic, agnostic/atheist, science-seeking) witch. most times, i don't believe due to reasoning; other times, i choose to believe despite reasoning; sometimes, i believe because reasoning is insufficient. i think that basically explains how i gather beliefs.

tags

#dump.txt (random stuff) #diary.txt (general logs) #shadows.txt (diary and dreams) #grimoire.txt (spells and such) #cartomancy.txt (tarot readings) #questionnaire.txt (asks)

on april 26, 2026, i had a long, vivid dream about going home from a class reunion. in the dream, i entered a taxi that drove to a place everyone else was driving away from. the big traffic concerned the taxi driver and asked if i were still sure of going to my destination despite the events. i told him, "i need to come home. i'm asleep in the real world and couldn't wake up." seeing that i won't be stopped, he drove me to a labyrinth beyond a small park and witnessed an unbelievable scene.

looking back, i was surprised i didn't fear it. in my journal, i wrote:

the location had walls of stone and moss, infested with black snakes. thousands of them, that you could barely see the patterns etched onto the walls. i had an inner knowing and acceptance that i was standing in front of my shadow. the snakes were building itself up into hydras, yet i felt no fear and even interacted with the slithering animals. the giant creation stared me down, and i asked it, "what do you represent?"

on may 12, i dreamt of a snake again. this time, it travelled alone. this is what i wrote:

today, i woke up from a dream that a snake had entered my house from the kitchen, approaching me. when it saw me, it changed directions and went upstairs. the next thing i heard was my sister's screams as she ran downstairs with the snake's fangs attached to her legs, screaming at mom for help, waking me up. when i woke up, i remembered how i had a small conflict with my sister, and i interpreted it as the snake avenging me, even after my sister and i have already made up.

a few days ago, i dreamt what seemed to be the continuation of that dream. this time, i had a false awakening wherein i had "woken up" in my parents' bedroom (whenever i felt lonely, i'd pull a mattress to my parents' room and sleep on the floor beside the balcony door). there, i peaked through the balcony doors and saw a giant snake looking right at me. it had the head of a monitor lizard, but its body had the figure and size of a black anaconda, which terrified me. it slithered outside the balcony, up the walls and windows, until it latched onto a tree where it climbed at the highest point to jump down from.

when it fell down, its body laid immobile. i knew it had died. a snake that killed itself was a new one for me. i remember seeing people gather around it, and they looked miniscule in comparison to the snake. i didn't see how gigantic it was until it was already dead.

overall, i saw this in two lenses: the classic jungian frame that i primarily use, and hellenism.

through the jungian lens, i find it predictable on first glance. it started with encounter and curiosity (going to a labyrinth with snakes), then confrontation at home where it went from a normal-sized snake to an enormous one, and the most latest dream was the end of this arc.

something i was dealing with, something i didn't know was bigger than i thought, had ended itself – or at least, it had lost its power over me. they could be fears, obstacles, or bad habits that i didn't know were this bad.

during that time, i was still discovering how i felt about greek deities as an agnostic person. when i was researching it, i found out that followers of asclepius, the god of medicine in hellenism, believed that dreams of snakes signified healing. in this perspective, i could interpret it as, "the process of healing is over." at least, it healed something within me.

when i found out that asclepius was the son of apollo, the god that was associated with the sun, i realized a strange synchronicity.

i have a personal tutelary deity i had contact with way before i have started practicing witchcraft, whose main symbol was a snake and the sun – two symbols that seemed like an unlikely match at first.

regardless of the perspective i see this in, it seems that my psyche recognizes snakes as a familiar symbol. the dreams encouraged me to broaden my knowledge on hellenism and the myths.

i have become particularly fond of asclepius, a demigod whose learnings allowed him to resurrect the dead and threaten zeus. the themes associated with him in general resonated with me deeply, as if it hit the mark. around this time, i was pondering about taking a course that would grant me a certificate of alternative medicine because i wanted to start an herbal shop after my psychology degree. thus, it seemed like everything was coming along like a "sign" that tells me i'm on the right track.

we both grew up—and were pained—in strict religious households. until now, we are both still participating in the religion despite our disbelief and agnosticism for the sake of preserving household dynamics. i think this factor helped us empathize with each other deeply. we both like to reflect and interpret things, whether they are tarot, symbolism, or dreams.

when i left the religion i grew up in, it left a huge void in me that led me to explore various beliefs inconsistently. the entire time, he held my hand and supported me throughout while keeping me away from potential harm <3 he encouraged me to embrace my witchcraft practices and even participate in some of them, hehe.

personality. we seem like complete opposites on the surface. i'm more expressive, interactive, outgoing—he's introverted, behind-the-scenes, and private. i find this interesting because i spent my teen years in solitude and had problems connecting with others, while he spent time with groups of friends outside his home. but when it comes to our views and values, we share the same sentiments.

interests. my hogwarts house is slytherin, he's in gryffindor. after growing up in a place fearful of witchcraft, i have only finished the harry potter movies (after never watching them at all) the other day, at my ripe age of 22, haha. hogwarts legacy was also my first triple-a game; he immediately told me to get it the moment it was free on epic games.

i'm a big magical girl geek. he likes kamen rider (tokusatsu in general). we just like people transforming into cute/cool outfits, hehe. the first thing he said when i told him i want to collect crystals was, "which one gets me more money?" LOL

i like to present myself in alternative or gothic styles, and he likes techno or cyber dystopian themes. this is also interesting because i grew up liking sci-fi, now i lean more on nature, while he grew up often exploring in nature and now likes sci-fi. another switch-up!