#shadoworkjournaling

Someone asked me to upload the prompt I was using for my shadow work so I included an intro and a few prompts. Also I found these on Pinterest they have quiet a few witchy things on there it is a great tool. I will link my Pinterest below. 

These are writing prompts I looked up for shadow work so I can learn more about myself. So I will be writing out my answers to these questions here so I can read over them as I need to at a later date.

What does my ideal day look like? Well some of my favorite days are days when I have big plans that usually involve some type of travel and doing things I have never done before. I like to explore and adventure. The other night we took a midnight hike to have a photo shoot on a cliff. The hike was over a mile around a popular lake here in Southern Ohio and then we had to climb these precarious steps and it was a miracle my fat ass was able to squeeze between the rocks, but my friends all helped me and I made it. We got changed and set up for the shoot. We set up a make shift alter with skulls, candles, herbs, and crystals then my friend took pictures. 

Early in the day we had gone to a graveyard and took pictures with some tomb stones. Enjoyed the foliage and ran around barefoot in the grass. My friend complained the ground was soft and I said it was in case they wanted to come back for Halloween. 

Lately my days consist of waking up before 8 am and getting my roommates 7yo to do his online learning stuff. Make breakfast and then once hes done he games while I work on meditation and grounding work. Spend my day looking at tarot spreads and learning about new reading techniques. Researching some different type of things I am interested in with my spellwork. Like currently I am working on shadow work and I plan on trying to cast a circle tonight and scrying for the first time. My friends mother knows a woman who has to write with both hands while she scrys because she gets lengthy messages from two separate sources. I am nervous to try, but its a practice and I know if it doesn’t work right off I will get better with time. 

So if I am honest my ideal day would be one where I either go exploring or I master a practice in my spell work I have been working on for a while. These feel like selfish pursuits, but I lost my job at the beginning of the lockdown and my apartment. Moved in with my friend and no neither of us have jobs so we are here all the time. She has a car and I don’t so she goes out and does things while I stay home and isolate so any chance to get out of the house in Corona times is great. So i decided this was the time to work on all the things I want to get deeper into and master. So I have been upping my spiritual game and my witch craft game. Corona has allowed me to see a lot of my passions come to light and my gifts become a lot stronger. 

Maybe the take away from this is I need to try and get out more and do for others. Give back since i have been so blessed to find a roof over my head and food in my belly during this hard time in America.

Blessed be, 

This one was posted here on tumblr under the link:

https://unmaskingthedivine.tumblr.com/post/123116036695/okay-so-apologies-if-this-is-difficult-to-read

I have been isolating a lot recently and it has started to affecting my relationships with my roommates. They are my favorite people in the world and it’s time for me to fix it. I am planning to have a sit down with my friend and talk if she will let me. I need to meditate and prepare for what she will say to me. In the past I have been very rigid about criticism. My upbringing was not the best and any kind of feedback on my behavior was considered negative and felt very painful. 

This is also a symptom of my ADHD called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria which causes sever emotional sensitivity and pain in those situations. This is something I am trying to work on so talking to me is not alienating and communication can be open. A lot of time has passed and they won’t even make eye contact with me of talk to me and now they won’t let me tutor her son which is the only socialization I have had in weeks. This is the final straw and why I have decided to have this talk. I even have talking points outlined. I want to make it known I am not angry with their behavior I am just hurt and I want it to be better. I want moving forward to be easy and for them to no longer avoid me like the plague.

I am writing this out here and I will also be back to posting daily if I can. The depression is slowly passing like a storm in the night and now I have to find a way to lighten my load. 

Wow this is a very loaded question the doubt I continue to have in life. That my dreams are ridiculous and unachievable. That the likelihood of me getting married or having children is so unlikely my own tarot deck won’t tell me about it. That I will never find a passion as strong as my passion for painting use to be. 

The only constant in my life is that my hair is constantly greasy no matter what I do and my eyebrows will never be twins. That my waist will never be cute and small and the e-girl style just makes me look like I ran a marathon. 

To list all the doubts I have in my life would take ages. Most of the doubts I have in my head are not even in my voice. They are criticisms I got growing up from my mother mostly and they ring in my ears everytime I get to happy. Like a bell going off I know that whenever hope starts to bloom in my head or my heart the voice fills my mind with jabs at everything I have every cared about.

 “Art is not a career.” 

“If you don’t lose weight you will never met a man.”

“You have depression. What do you have to be depressed about?”

“Your make up looks stupid.”

“I can’t believe you dyed you hair again.”

These are just a few of the thousands of times as a child she cut me down before I have a chance to blossom. I remember her screaming at me for sitting in my own room and crying just because I felt like it. If I had emotions she couldn’t control she would yell until I had a reason to feel that way. Taking all my art and posters down after she found out I was bisexual and throwing them in the trash. Grounding me from the computer because I was e-mailing a girl. Making me feel like a freak and then making sure to tell the whole family she supported my cousins coming out as gay just so everyone knew how tolerant she was. It was all an act and it has seriously impacted my mental health. 

My fiancée got hit by a car and died and she bullied me through my grieving so much that almost 3 years later I still haven’t accepted his death or been able to move on. 

The doubts I have an something I know I need to move on from and let go of. I am going to go to therapy and get this handled as soon as I can get medical coverage. Life is fucking me in a real way, but I am trying to be better for my spell work and my ultimate goal of owning a tiny house and living off the grid. My dream is to live in the forest away from people with my cats and plants and be a witch. That was the only dream I have ever had and I will get there slowly.