#shadowdweller

🌿I saw a shadow today. She waved at me.🌿

🌲🌱She told me all about the forest. The trees and the birds, the bugs and the leaves.🌱🌲

and when I imagine us living together someday I don’t feel as excited anymore. I have a lot of friends who are going on an international exchange of uni next year and I LOVE traveling but I’m not going because of him, because I know how he would hate that (he didn’t forbid that or anything but he let me know how badly he doesn’t want me to go). I find myself dreaming of freedom sometimes, dreaming of leaving this country forever, and we do travel together a lot but i’d like to to leave this country and he would never do that. He is also a sporty type, loves sports and I don’t like it, I love books and LOTR and painting and nature walks, we have amazing jokes together but I’m scared how our life together will be, if I will be happy… Is it just a phase? What should I do? I love him but at the same time… I am so lost, dear Maedhros please help me I’m so tired all the time. Much, much love! Your Shadowdweller

Suilad my friend Shadowdweller,

I will try my best to answer your question, although I am not sure I am all that qualified, not having a life partner. I did talk to my brothers and friends though, to see what they think, and I have my parents to look back on, of course. 

In every relationship comes a time when the first ardour wanes and one may think that it is done. Sometimes that is true, but often there is a deeper layer waiting to be discovered. So yes, this may just be phase. I don't think that your disparity of interests needs be a problem- it hasn't been so far, has it? As long as you can respect what the other does, and are both wiling to share your experiences without demanding that the other share the same interests, you can both be part of the other's life, and be the richer for it. You don't need to be each other's shadow in everything, in fact, that tends to make things worse.

What never works is if one of you gives up a life's dream for the other. or rather, gives it up unwillingly. If it is your deep desire to travel the world and leave your country, you should not give up this dream for him, and he should not demand it. If you do, it will diminish you and you will start resenting him for it. That does not mean you should not talk about it and try to reach some kind of compromise, but you should both be happy with it. Maybe he would be willing to come along, or wait for a time. I hear there are very good methods to stay in touch in your world. If that is not possible at all, you may need to question your relationship. 

You can of course decide to stay, if you want to- but under no circumstance should you feel that you 'have to' do this. The only thing that you 'should' do is to be true to yourself.

My dear, I hope my ramblings made at least a little sense, and can help you with your decision. Should you need some clarification, or would simply like to talk more, I am always here for you.

Yours,