I'm so upset with myself.
So a year ago I moved back in with my parents and I had a fuck buddy situationship deal thing with a guy named jb. We had this thing for 2 years. It was good sex. I moved away we could no longer do what we did when I didn't live with my parents. To ask me what I thought about jb a year ago, I loved him. So I stopped texting him. It hurt. I had to ween myself off of him. I had to physically remind myself of what happened the last time we had sex to not text him. The last time we sex was emotional. Not because of the quality bc I knew it was the last time I would have to go on a sex diet. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was on top of him and I started to tear up as I stared into his eyes and then I got off and I cuddled up beside him as he fell asleep and snores and I balled. He rolled over and said why are u crying we're going to see each other again. So if it were a movie this would be the part where the girl tells the guy she loves him. But unfortunately I didn't. I just stared at his sexy eyes again. And while I was crying he climbed on top of me and fucked me. So when I moved back I weened myself off of him like I was in an AA meeting counting down the days and months since in texted him. I realized I just like sexting him. And I'm an exhibitionist with the nudes. He still fine. I had him blocked and he had me blocked on multiple social media. So February was one of the last times I remember texting him. So 7 months of no sex, no thought of him, no texting him go by he text me. It's so simple with him just a hey has all my feelings I had to unpack come running back. And still going thru a weird head space with sex. I got so used to associating him with our last time but the last few weeks of him texting I have pushed all of the emotions of the last time away. I like sexting him but I know we aren't gonna see each other. He so easy to sext with. But that's the main reason I had to stop sexting him it was tiring as hell regurgitating the same sext over and over again without actually seeing each other. Plus we were never gonna be more than fuck buddies and I finally got that thru my head when he texted me. I finally also got used to consistent orgasms. And I told myself I wasn't gonna be someone's secret. And i told myself that i would never have a situationship ever again. I am gonna have to stop answering his text. And unpack those feelings again. I was so proud of myself I thought I had rid myself of him. I'm rereading one of my diaries from last year and I'm forgetting all the emotions I boxed that I associated with him. I was so idk stupid into thinking we could have been more. And I'm angry at myself for sexting him again.
