#severitus headcanons

"SEVERUS, YOU HAVE TO INSTILL SOME SENSE IN HIM!"

Harry has been living with Snape as his legal guardian for a while, and whilst he hasn’t been punished, clear rules haven’t been set either. Harry has not a single instance of survival instincts in his body, so he decides to start pushing boundaries with pranks(rip Severus I’m so sorry)

Now, knowing what he knows about Severus and his background with bullying, alongside Harry’s own background with it, he doesn’t want to do anything truly mean spirited. He also knows that Severus really likes his space organized and clean, so nothing that creates loads of mess either. He kept running into dead ends until Hermione gets back from her summer holiday in America.

She has obviously told him all about her trip, including visiting a southern style barbecue restaurant. There she had something “that cannot and should not legally be considered tea and is a disgrace to the people who enjoy tea everywhere in the world.” It was apparently a cold tea(?!) with heaps of sugar(?!?!). It was perfect for Snape.

The next couple of days were spent planning. Sev had to start brewing for the infirmary restock before the term started, which means he would be pretty busy. Harry graciously and innocently offered to help with cooking meals so Severus could focus on his invaluable work that Severus provides to all of the students and staff.

His brewing was almost entirely complete, and working tirelessly for an entire week had him exhausted. He was grateful for Harry’s Potter’s continued help with housework, although he felt slightly guilty for essentially being exactly like the monsters who had housed him previously. He had also felt guilty for his continued suspicion of the boy. He had been slightly too helpful, not complaining once, but every so often he would catch Harry smirking while staring at him.

His final potion was done and just needed to cool. He felt the bone deep exhaustion creeping in more and more, no longer be held at bay by the laundry list of tasks he had to complete. Merlin’s hairy fucking balls he needs tea, a drink, and a nap in that order. The sound of a door opening makes his head snap up; he sees Potter enter with a barely concealed smirk.

Harry: “Hello sir I’ve brought you some tea and biscuits since your brewing is done.”

Snape is automatically suspicious, spy’s instincts and whatnot but he decides to say screw it and drink the tea. He earned it and he was about 80% sure that Potter was over the horrendous way Severus had treated him. He lifted the mug to his lips and reveled in how nice the warm, smooth, and slightly bitter the drink in front of him was about to feel.

He parts his lips and welcomes the taste of his favorite, except the taste was all wrong. Why was it cold? Why did it taste like it had enough sugar to give a horse type two diabetes??? He spit it out immediately and started coughing.

Harry had a shit eating grin plastered on his face. He was desperately holding back peels of laughter.

Harry: “What’s the matter sir? Is the tea not to your liking?”

Severus: “That! That should not be considered tea! It is awful I can feel my blood sugar elevating!”

Harry: “It a new style of tea I’m experimenting with, it’s from the southern United States.”

Severus started laughing, honest to god full bellied laughs. This was so ridiculous; he was so tired, but he couldn’t stop laughing. He wanted to be mad, but just couldn’t bring himself to get angry like he should’ve been.

Harry on the other hand was absolutely freaking to fuck out.

Harry: “Shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, I broke Snape! What do I do??? HEDWIG, HELP I BROKE SEVERUS”

This obviously made Severus just laugh harder, and he was having indescribable amounts of joy seeing Harry freak out.

-

Severus: I don't... Hm, well I suppose getting beat was fairly traumatic, as you say, I mean, I don't necessarily think so, but if it appeals to your want.

Harry: *gasp* Same! See, we're bonding.

Severus: YOU WERE WHAT—

-

Harry: Oh! I've got a good one! Getting tortured by Voldemort.

Severus:... I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that, otherwise it may not be you who kills him.

-

Severus:... Hm.. Well, I suppose growing up malnourished might be considered traumatic.

Harry: Yes! See, bonding. Was it used as a punishment too?

Harry talks in brain rot and Severus doesn't understand a lick of it. "Oh fr? Like, on Skibidi?" "Is that a new spell?"

Harry is a nailbiter. He picks at his skin, bites his nails, pulls his hair, it's just bad habits. Severus has a spray bottle on hand for these reasons.

Harry doesn't call Severus Dad because it feels wrong, James is his dad. Pa does the job fine, because well, he is his father, so it'd feel weird calling him by his name, sir, or anything else.

They are both riddled with insomnia. "Why are you awake, Potter? It's three in the morning." "I could ask you the same thing."

Harry will sleep on the floor sometimes. The bed he has is far too soft, he's not used to it. Severus picks him up by the scruff like a cat and drops him in the bed.

Severus became the Dad of Harry's friend group. He finds Ron and Hermione in random places. It's completely normal by now.

Harry's a leash kid. I don't care what age he is, 16, 17, 14, etc. Severus has him on a leash whenever they leave the house. It's necessary.

This one's kinda canon, but he's one of the only adults that truly care about his health. "What? You expect him to— no, he's twelve years old! Merlin, no wonder he has a fucking hero complex!"

Harry likes physical touch, he's like a clingy koala. "Yeah, and then Professor McGonagall—" climbs onto his back "Transfigured a couch into—" literally laying in his lap. "A pig! It was so—" hanging upside down on his arm. "Cool!"

I get the typical, 'Severus sees him as James, but then he sees him as Lily,' But honestly, I feel like the Lily phase would be short lived. He'd see him as his own person, that's one of the only ways I could actually see them bonding.

Severus: So let me get this straight—

Harry: Mhm.

Severus: You're dating the dark Lord? The one who killed your parents?

Harry:.. Yes?

Tom/Voldemort: Y'know, I never understood the whole 'Severus is scary,' but I'm starting to see it now—

Severus: You do realize how big the age gap is? HE'S OLDER THAN ME!

Harry: Yes, but I'm dating the sixteen year old version.

Severus: THAT'S STILL BAD— Y'know, it could be worse.. actually no, no this is as bad as it gets.

Tom/Voldemort: I think I'm just gonna step out—

Harry: Do NOT leave me alone with him!

Severus: I need to take a walk.. and some shots.. to the head.

Tom/Voldemort: I feel as though I know where your loyalty lies now, though—

"Why did he give her his seat? He was there first?" Severus' eyes gleamed with focus, trying to decipher the reason. "Hm, seems to be a case of.. chivalry?" "But he was there first," Harry argued. Severus nodded, agreement wrenching into his features. "I don't understand it either."

"Come on! Hug?" Harry shook his head, although he reached his hand out for a fist bump. "Oh come on! It won't hurt!" "No, Brenda. He simply doesn't want to. We should be going n—" "Well, that's a bit offensive, don't you think?" "Yes, well, I also think that your house is an offense to my senses, but no one commented on that."

Both having the same special interest and yapping about the dark arts together.

"I just don't get what I did wrong, Pa." Severus tilted his head, visibly contemplating. "Well, you didn't look him in the eyes, that could be why he was upset." "Why would that upset him?" "I have.. no idea, actually, I'm going to look into that when we get home."