#setablaze

“According to [HUR, Ukraine’s military intelligence] agency, the plane, which belonged to the 117th Military Transport Aviation Regiment of the Russian Armed Forces, burned to the ground at the Orenburg-2 military airfield.” ~ @kyivindependent_official 🇺🇦👏💙💛🙏🇺🇦

#Repost @kyivindependent_official with @use.repost . . . A Russian Tu-134 military transport aircraft was set on fire at a military airfield in Orenburg Oblast overnight on Oct. 13, Ukraine’s military intelligence (HUR) reported.

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Read the full report at the link in bio.

Photo: HUR

At least he didn’t have to hear it. That was his first thought, reading over the sentence again, head in his hand to curl over the harsh white of his computer screen. Mateo had always preferred talking this way, steps of anonymity protecting him from the rest of the world, his messages faceless and unweighted— it was easy, before, when Eli was Red, when Mateo could keep several careful degrees of separation between them. But now he wasn’t merely his ambiguous Internet crush, a somebody mostly hazy who Mateo just did his best not to think about too often. No, he was real and he was solid, an actual person with a name and face and touch, all of which had brought him screaming into focus. And while it was still easier to read the words instead of seeing them spoken aloud, they didn’t feel as safe as they could have before. When Eli was just a username, Mateo had never honestly considered that they could be anything more than what they were. Then, with fake names and no concreteness, there’d been almost no risk in letting Eli get to know him a little too well. If things had gone too far, he could have theoretically closed out the messages and walked away.

Things had gone too far, though, and Mateo had walked into it so willingly. Things were going too far again and again, every time he stared while Eli was at practice, or made sure he bumped into him on campus, or drunkenly kissed him at a party, or pretended he’d done none of it the next day. Things were going too far right then, with Mateo’s hands hovering over the keyboard waiting to respond, and for once he paused before he let them.

I didn’t leave, he wanted to write. I’m exactly where I’ve always been. Come and get me, if you want to. The distance was partially his own fault, he knew that, but Eli had to be blamed for at least the other half of it. It felt as though he was meeting someone entirely new, like Red was just some imaginary friend that Eli somehow knew about, was able to work with strings from his computer. He didn’t actually have to be the person Mateo knew, just had to be some likeness, one that had Red’s email address and happened to sound like him occasionally. Mateo, on the other hand, worried that he’d been too transparent about himself. There wasn’t much about him to know, he figured, and he must have made it easy for Eli to figure him out.

I don’t know what you want from me, he tried again. There were a dozen things he wanted to say, but they all got deleted before he could build up the courage to actually send them. Tell me you miss me. Tell me why you miss me. I don’t know if I believe you yet. Prove me wrong.

Not here, he’d said.

Charles had shown up breathless, grin wide with a half-drunken glow about him, sweat and perfume and his hair curled wild in the humidity of the evening. Clearly, whatever affair lit up the palace had quieted enough for him to steal away, the night worn late, Peter having wasted the past few hours in the dark waiting for him to appear. There was no promise that he’d show up at all, Peter knew that, but he had enough to busy himself with in the meantime, and he wasn’t about to open the possibility of Charles showing up to an empty stable.

Apparently, Charles hadn’t given himself enough time to change out of his party attire before making his way to Peter, appearing horribly out of place within the setting, all gold and red and pure-white against the dinge and dark of the unlit space. This hadn’t seemed to bother him one bit, slinging his arms over Peter’s shoulders and leaning in close enough for the wine stain on his breath to be obvious, pressing a few grinning kisses to the flat of Peter’s neck. Charles was always affectionate when they’d been apart for too long, and that situation had been no exception, having draped himself across Peter. He’d curled in against his chest to breathe a few fond words into his shirt, say his name on repeat— Peter, Peter, Peter.

eight.  aj + zero / in secrecy :

Want seemed to be a key word for him these days. With the extravagance of near-stardom that he found himself thrown into, need had become somewhat of an outdated concept, the space left of it filled instead with want, want, want. For the most part, he was more than happy to over-indulge on these, well aware of this excess but unwilling to deter them— he as the starving man who knowingly gorged himself on his first meal to the point of sickness. Everyone around him seemed to have similar warnings for him, about how this could be his peak, and so he intended to take every chance he could. Certainly it’d all go rotten at some point, but Zero intended to overfill on the exorbitance while it lasted.

Out of all these wants, though, between the luxury and the attention and the notoriety, AJ was the worst of them. Not that he cared much for his company, as more often than not their genuine interactions ended with some argument or insult, but there was something magnetic with them that wouldn’t shake loose. They’d allowed some gratification only a few times, with wandering hands and mouths and teeth, but it hadn’t been much remedy at all. AJ was irritatingly, achingly out of his reach, a match of animosity that Zero just wanted to light himself on fire with.

“Shut up.” He whined, seething along the trail of bruises he’d just left beneath AJ’s collar— careful, careful, AJ had been insisting, not where someone can see —and Zero pulled back enough to grab a stern hold of his jaw, tired of his restraint. Moments of privacy, Zero had come to find, were growing rarer for the both of them. Usually the constant interruptions were ones he’d welcome, those of the reporters or set crew or overzealous fans, allowing them to act as some sensible blockade between himself and AJ. But the few times that they got a second alone, he didn’t want to hold back. Surely there was company that mulled just outside the empty room, an abandoned rehearsal space of some sort, though they merely felt far away behind the locked door. “Shut up. You talk so much.” 

Naturally, AJ had something heated to counter this claim with, and Zero just crashed back to cut him off. Zero didn’t consider himself to be a particularly mean person but with AJ he felt positively brutal, knew what the other thought of him and so the expectations were already so low, nothing to disappoint AJ with when he grabbed too hard at his waist or neck. He’d guided AJ to trap Zero’s hips with his own against the table behind them and now he just tugged him in closer, kissing him deep.

two. au / a rough kiss against the wall :

The party was exactly the sort of place Cas should have avoided. While it was easy for him to go physically unrecognized, another nameless face in an assembly of high-buttoned collars and knives hidden in sportcoats, he knew that some semblance of a reputation preceded him. The crowd Baby surrounded himself with wouldn’t have tolerated Cas’ presence well if they knew of the grief he’d caused for them in the past, but without much identity to attach to the name, he figured he wasn’t risking much. Besides, when he decided he needed Baby, it was difficult for anything to change his mind.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to get through the doors without an invitation so he’d spent the past twenty minutes sending insistent texts to Baby’s phone, hovering in wait along the exit. For such a lavish event, the bay outside behind the building looked about as unwelcoming as any at a bar he’d frequent, though he didn’t pay it much mind when Baby appeared at the door. He gave him no space to reprimand him, knocking the words out of the air as he grabbed hold of Baby’s waist to crowd him against the brick. Cas had never been patient and he was no better when it came to Baby, not taking a second to explain before crashing down to kiss him, pulling at his jacket to keep him arced against him.

“Sorry to interrupt.” He finally managed, entirely unapologetic. “Wanted to see you.” Cas couldn’t exactly admit to his inexplicably jealousy that’d grown over the course of the evening, refusing to dull even after a whiskey or two, imagining Baby accompanied by his breed of upper-class criminal with their luxury and charm. Baby wasn’t really his to be envious over, not really, and Cas’ knowledge of that did little to dissuade him. He was the possessive sort, and that was surely obvious as he tightened his grip on Baby’s coat, barely pulled away enough for their lips to separate. “There anything you gotta do in there still? I saw your car in the lot.” A pause to kiss him again, deep, hand drifting up to catch at the back of his neck. “If you can sneak away for a while.”

ten. main verse / a kiss before leaving :

There was something Baby wasn’t telling him. Whatever had happened when his control was far out of his own reach had clearly gotten to them both, and Cas got the feeling that something had shifted. When he lost himself like that, his thoughts all bled together into something incomprehensible, red-hot though entirely forgettable— the second he sobered, all the past time was smeared away into a haze of anger and a handful of words or faces he couldn’t distinguish. Coming down from this kind of bitter high usually ended with unfamiliar blood on his face and something new to leave a scar, and so this last one dissipating at Baby’s touch was entirely new. He’d come back around to find his hand pressing at the base of Baby’s throat, presumably straining in full-force as he took a ragged, relieved breath when Cas eased back, a pink print left along his collarbone in the wake of his hold. Baby’s own hand hadn’t moved from where it’d settled the side of Cas’ face, surprisingly steady as Cas crashed back down out of his absence. The dizzying ring in his ears had muffled out any hope of recognizing what Baby had been telling him, expression desperate through whatever he said. He didn’t know how to be handled like that— Baby’s thumb moving carefully across his cheek as if touching too hard would set him off again, softly repeating things in a loop that Cas couldn’t comprehend —and he’d put a few paces between Baby and himself the moment he could move. All he could remember with any solidity was the feeling of Baby’s hammering pulse under his palm.

They’d both done well at avoiding the topic altogether as they’d driven back to the motel, Cas taking care not to look directly at the Baby’s reflection in the dark windshield in front of them. The time spent cleaning each other up was entirely devoid of their usual chastising and teasing, and no matter how badly wanted to let the dam break and cover Baby’s body with his own, he instead ensured that each touch between them was fast and impersonal. The reassurance shouldn’t have been his to need, and so he told himself he didn’t want it. Whatever Baby had been telling him was probably safer forgotten.

It must have been fairly obvious what was coming. Cas could feel Baby’s eyes on him the entire evening, seeming to wait for him to be lost again, to fall back out of focus or just disappear into the dark. If the hours previous had ended any worse, maybe he would have asked him to stay. Maybe Cas would have listened. He was still able to let himself run if he could pretend Baby was indifferent to it, little touch between them or just shaky silence, but he hadn’t yet figured out how to turn Baby down when asked. He’d do anything Baby wanted if he said it in that way, pleadingly, if he spoke Cas’ name soft and insistent and didn’t let his hands leave his face. Baby didn’t try to stop him this time, however, barely even speaking as they went through the motions, which meant Cas wouldn’t stop himself either.

He was too far on edge to relax though Baby clearly needed to, climbing into an unmade bed with his hair still wet from the shower. There was space on the other side of the mattress that Cas couldn’t bring himself to take, instead pacing between the door and the window and glancing back and forth between them. He wasn’t quite sure what he was looking out for as, logically, he knew that the threat of that day was there in the room with them. Trust wasn’t something he understood what to do with, and sometimes he wished Baby didn’t seem to give it to him at all, not when it meant constant vulnerability. Cas thought that perhaps they both liked to pretend that they weren’t as screwed as they were, but allowing himself a glance at Baby’s form in the sheets, it’s all he could feel— he’s so fucked, so absolutely fucked.

Baby’s hand had stretched out into the empty spot to his side, maybe unintentionally, and when Cas looked too long he knew he couldn’t help himself, gingerly moving to climb in next to him. He’d never been subtle about seeking contact and then was no exception, now that he’d allowed it, tucking in against Baby and slotting their legs together, sliding his hand up his chest to grab a hold on the front of his shirt. He had nothing good to say and not much that Baby could harmlessly respond with, though he could at least give himself this, breathing into him and moving gently up to touch where Baby had started to bruise along his neck. They’d come to face each other yet Cas still refused eye contact, instead fixated on the fresh purple that crawled up from under Baby’s collar. Something wasn’t right, was different, and he couldn’t place it. Didn’t think he wanted to, really. Instead, he just leaned in to press his lips to Baby’s. It was a goodbye kiss disguised as a goodnight one and Cas badly wanted to think that Baby couldn’t tell, long and unhurried and not something he ever wanted to pull back from. He thought maybe that Baby had something to say, after, the silence between them waiting to be broken as he stared at his mouth. Neither of them ventured anything, though, and Cas thought perhaps he was disappointed about it.

U might just have to let her know. Be like "hey I just don't think this is working out, I love you but this friendship doesn't make me happy anymore so I think I'm done" - it sucks but once you've said that ignore her, it's a clean break and she knows now that you're not Busy you're Done