#session08

Ali: Yea, I think... I think I mostly feel bad for her. For Homura. I am not mad at her. I don’t blame her, I don’t think I do. But rather in this “You can’t hold insane person responsible for all their actions” way. 

And I think I do like the world she created. It is a good world. It really is. It just... it feels like in the end, when you sum everything up, we payed such a big prince to get there, that it stopped being worth it.

I just feel so hollow. Just sitting here, with tears running down my face, and I can’t tell why. 

Ali: It’s just so bitter. Because all I ever wanted was for them to be together. To exist at the same time. To be able to interact. All I ever wished for.

But not like this. I almost feel cheated.

Ali: It all was just never fair. Their biggest worry should be whether they will pass next exam at shool. They should not be burdened with the things like that. Nobody should ever ask them to decide fate of words, to fight for their life, to do all those things.

They were 14 year old girls, for fuck sake. 

Ali: Oh, hey, it is something nice! And she is right! Love is really important human emotion! You could probably boil everything down to love. We help our friends because we love them. We care for our family because we love them. We spend whole lifes with our partners because we love them. And love can give you hope, can give you happiness, but it also can give you despair and sadness. 

And it can burn brighter, longer and more steadily then any passion.

... It’s just... this thing here really doesn’t feel like love. I am sorry, Homura, but I feel like you got it wrong. What are you doing, how are you acting, it’s unsettling, and scaring. 

Or maybe not really... god, I can’t pin-point it. 

If she is creating a world in which Madoka can live happily, that’s a good thing, right? And doing something like that  for another person, that’s love, yes.

It’s just... I don’t know, the second she said “love”, I flinched, like of something unpleasant, slimy and maybe a bit disgusting was thrown my way. 

At the same time I feel like I am being  somehow unfair. 

Homura is doing great thing for Madoka, you can’t deny it. 

But it feels like here there is a very thin line between love and unhealthy obsession and I talked about it over and over again during this movie.

Like, I don’t know... I think the important part of loving is also respecting somebody. And respecting their wishes like... god... 

God damn it, that’s stupid, because if Homura can do something to help Madoka, she should do it, right? Even if she doesn’t ask Madoka’s permissions, right? 

But then, this whole thing was... that’s shitty metaphor, but like, it’s like when you have somebody stalk-ish around you, somebody who loves you a lot and wants the best for you. But then they never really let you tell them what you think is best for you. And you actually like them, but at the same time it’s kinda scary how they seem to never leave your side. And sometimes it feels like you are the only thing that matters for them. Which is nice, but I mean more in that way that when you are not around, they just sit and do nothing waiting until you are there again. 

But then, I still want them to be able to be together! I still want Madoka and Homura to be together and be happy and love each other and for things to be good for them!

And as much as Homura’s behaviour is giving me bad vibes, you can hardly blame somebody like her for being... deluted? After everything she went through, everything that happened to her, I find it hard to blame her for anything. And like, again, she is not really doing something like... “evil” or bad.

I mean, what she did was smile creepily, act creepily and then brutaly hold Madoka and then rip her apart and then take all the control away from her.

And then she says it’s “love”.

Ali: I don’t know what to think of you anymore. I don’t know if you are good or evil. I don’t know if I should feel bad for you or afraid of you. 

Ali: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!? WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT YOU DID WITH HOMURA?

THINGS WERE NICE FINALLY!

They are nice! It was peaceful! And calm! And nice! And everything! What are you doing!? Why are you doing?

FOR FUCK SAKE, CAN’T WE HAVE THINGS GO ALRIGHT FOR ONCE!

YOU HAD ONE JOB, ONE JOB! HOW HARD IS IT TO DIE!?

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wow, that was super rude. 

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