#septmember 12th

so really like, i’m in a space of awe kind of, of the woman i’m becoming. from who i am now, to who i was on this day last year, is such a transformation that’s made me more grateful for how i handle every day that i’m given. because one, someone didn’t have this opportunity to grow into the person they are supposed to be right now in this moment and time. i love God so much for directing me on this pathway. directing me to who i am right in this moment as i’m typing these words. im thankful. i’m thankful for the days that broke me. i’m thankful for the moments that i ached in my heart, those moments were more than 3. for the nights that my head literally was pounding from overthinking, and anxiety. those nights were the nights that added the most force to create something that cannot be fabricated without a trial. that force is the force that helped me become. by no means am i done growing into the woman that God has for me to be, but right now, right now is a time to celebrate who i have became. it’s the time to recognize my own growth. today i stand open. today i stand proud of my flaws as i am still learning to love every dark spot on my face, every springy curl on my head, every hair on my arm, the way i have to push my glasses up on my face every 5 minutes, how sometimes i stammer when i get too excited or try talking too fast, the passions i have and the passions i don’t have. the way i still love him but in a way that is healthy for the both of us. the fact that i cannot change the overly caring and depth of my love for those who are in my heart, who have made an everlasting imprint on my soul. I am here for it all. i am embracing it all in this moment because it is who i am. everyday my mind is being renewed my focus is being sharpened and slicked to only things that matter to me, for me. for my growth. learning that it is very okay to not have anything to say around people who always have something to say. learning to listen not only with my ears but with my spirit. trusting my spirit. trusting that my spirit is never going to lie or direct me in a pathway of trouble because i know who i am connected to. i know that my spirit cannot survive on its own and that it must be nurtured and fed things to edify and keep it strong. whether it be removing myself from toxic environments or toxic people, all toxicity has to go. it cannot reside in this clean vessel, only true and pure and lovely and admirable and peaceful and honest things can dwell in me. if there is anything in contrast to that it must be expelled by the One who has all the power to redeem my soul again and again. all selfish motives, things that gratify myself and are not for unifying humanity, all things with underlying motives and destructive thought processes behind and embedded in them must be completely destroyed. only beautiful things are meant to come from me, that’s what will be. I have been transformed by Light, by the Son, by drinking from the Living Water. this walk is not for me. realizing that makes me deal with my life in a different perspective. i cannot be selfish. this walk is for those who need my pain more than i do. I have been put on a process to see who I am. to remove the debris that’s fallen from the things that had to be shaken up to rebuild, and see what was under that. to set a foundation, that’s sure and steady, unshakable, under all that’s been dismantled, is me. someone who not only survived but overcame every stage of the process that i have walked through thus far. I love who i am, who i became. i love who i am becoming and i am thankful for who i used to be. because without her being in existence at one point in time, the future me would never be found. the “I am” now would not be here typing to you encouraging you to keep going. so on this day i am thankful, i am thankful for all i have reached and i am currently reaching, and more thankful and honored to serve those who i have yet to touch when i reach my next self. i am forever grateful.