#seoingukhr

If there was one thing of which Kyungsoo was completely certain, it was his intelligence. He was naive about many things; people, their intentions, emotions and their importance, but he wasn't stupid. He could recite over a thousand decimals of Pi, could name numerous constellations and stars, his mind was much like a dictionary, only the pages were scattered everywhere and only took on order on his good days.

Still, occasionally the odd obtrusive thought would pass through the unorganized debris of his mind, planting itself at the very top. Refusing to fade into the mess until it was pondered upon. No matter how hard he tried, those thoughts always won. They somehow managed to make him forget everything he'd ever learned, they made him act foolishly.

Kyungsoo couldn't recall ever feeling genuinely happy - in fact he couldn't recall feeling much at all. The type of happiness he saw on Television, the wide toothy grins and the laughter, or the happiness he saw in others, the obvious joy that seemed to shine brighter than anything he'd ever seen. He wanted that, but it was just so hard. Hard enough for him to wander onto the sidewalk, wide eyes staring into space, head completely empty.

Wanting - craving - something he could never have was as painful as unrequited love, or the sting of antibacterial soap on the permanently open skin of his thumb. 

He continued to stare, feeling completely lost in the most sorrowful meaning of the word. It was lonely, lonelier still when his thoughts eventually shifted to his parents. They didn't understand him, never had and never would, he was sure they had no desire to either. Nobody would miss him? Would they? Of course not. The city had enough vagrants as it was, and the people he'd met so far would have an easier time without his strange child-like presence.

He took a step into the street, another, and another. He waited. Five seconds, Fifteen seconds, a minute. It was dark already, the driver wouldn't see him until it was too late anyway. He would've taken another way out but jumping in the river seemed so unsanitary, pills were expensive, and he didn't care for the sight of blood. 

Two minutes. The faint glow of headlights neared. Kyungsoo moved to the left, placing himself in the direct path of the oncoming car. This was the right thing to do. He was sure. It felt like the most selfless thing he'd ever done. Nobody would miss him. But then again, what if it didn't kill him? What if his selfless act harmed the driver? Maybe he should step back onto the pavement? Maybe a different method was worth finding? Maybe---

Dark, very dark. Pain? Yes, but weird pain. Very weird. Numb but at the same time he ached terribly. Weird.

Footsteps traveled down the hallway, a gaggle of people following none other than the head of their branch, his greying hair showing more his experience in his years. But one male traveled besides him, silent despite the rest of the team. They weren’t dressed like him, doning blue scrubs to where it almost seemed like a small gang but while the others chattered, the sullen faced male just sat quietly with a clip board in his hand despite the fact that he was leading the surgery. Sometimes, it was best just to listen. The interns and some of the nurses were asking what he was thinking, his head turning slightly to glance at the older man than back to the females. His face remained stoic, his dark almond eyes switching back to look at lead male as his name was called.

“Doctor Lee, go speak to your partner about this project and make sure that the patient isn’t allergic to penicillin or any of the listed antibiotics and pain killers. We don’t need any mistakes. I’ll see you after the surgery.” Turning his head, he bowed the greying head to the group of people behind him causing them to halt and return the favor before he trailed off on his own way with his assistants following behind him.

Turning to the others in his group, he forcibly tried to soften his face as he looked at the younger members of his team. Licking his lips nervously, he flashed a soft smile to the group and he could see an almost visable relaxation move through the group as he tapped the side of the clip board on his hand.

“Let’s do well, yes? I know we can do it, together. Please make sure everything is prepared accordingly and that the patient is comfortable.” With a polite nod, he was moving away from the group that begun to whisper about the sudden expression that the normally blank faced male shown. It was an insecurity of his, to a degree, but he couldn’t force himself to show anything and he almost seemed a constant lack of emotion.

Partner? Curiosity peeked in his mind as he moved towards his office, his eyes moving over the paper before seeing a name that had him pause in his steps. Seo In Guk. This was his partner? Shouldn’t this have been told to him before the surgery was about to commence? But people knew they were friends, seeing as seldom anyone saw him speaking to anyone but InGuk. But neither males noticed that they had been partnered for his assignment?

A small bubble of excitement moved over him and his lips quirked some, his feet taking him another direction and that was none other than Doctor Seo’s office. Running his fingers through the long bangs over his eyes, he heaved a soft sigh as he quietly strolled towards the office. Slowing his steps as he neared the doorway, he peeked his head around the corner to look inside the small yet comfortable office. A small smile pulled his lips at the sight of his older friend, his feet shuffling forward before he tucked his chin against the others shoulder and brought the clipboard in front of both of them.

“Did you know about this?” He asked, pointing at the name ‘Seo In Guk’ and raised his brows. “Because if you did, it’s cruel that you didn’t tell me, don’t you think.” A small smile pulled his lips as he turned his head, glancing at the others profile so close to his own before moving away, his eyes moving to the paperwork. He was excited, his head buzzing with being able to work with someone that taught him a lot but yet, he had exceled as a surgeon without the help of Seo In Guk. But, he was an angel that had helped him in such a dark time.

School had been hard. He was working long hours and juggling school and even now, while he was working in the hospital, he was still trying to get more degrees so he could be versite despite the loans he was still paying on. He wanted to make sure, his daughter had a choice on which school or career or home she wanted. He didn’t want her to go without and if that meant working over sixty hours a week, he would do it. His sister lived in Seoul, and was always willing to spend time with Sun Mi, so he didn’t have to worry about it. Despite the only time he saw his daughter was in the morning when he cooked her dinner or got her dressed, or when he came home to her small body curled up in his bed. He barely saw her, with the exception of the small days off that he was granted.

Rubbing his eye gently with the back of his hand, he continued to look over the patients profile as he looked over the blood pressure and some other lines before moving his hand up to bite his thumb as he continued to read.