#semester reflection

STATS:

1. General Chemistry 1: B+

2. Introduction to Sociology: A-

3. History, Change and Reform in USA during the progressive era: A

4. Calculus 1: A

OVERALL GPA: 3.74

CLASS REFLECTIONS

1. General Chemistry: 

This was probably the hardest class I took this semester, which was annoying since Cornell told me I had to take it so I had to do well in it :/. It was definitely my most time-consuming class by far- I easily put 15 hours a week into chemistry. I’m still mad at myself because I could have easily gotten an A in this class but I did so bad on the third exam because it was right after Thanksgiving break and I didn't study enough over the break. But on the second exam which is the hardest exam, I got almost a perfect paper... A lesson for the future to work hard even on the breaks I guess.

2. Introduction to Sociology:

This class was pretty easy, I liked my professor a lot and it was a major class for me meaning it was easily enjoyable. The only thing I disliked about this class was the ridiculous cutoffs for grades- I got a 92 and for any other of my classes this would have been an A but in this class its a A- ughhh but optional final was fun!!  

3. History, Change and Reform in USA during the progressive era:

This class was so enjoyable which was very surprising since I just took it for a gen ed. My professor constantly talked about current events in relation to the subject of the class and made the class so enjoyable. My professor was incredibly helpful and offered the class a lot of extra credit making this class an easy A and a nice GPA booster.

4. Calculus 1:

Going into this class I assumed it would be a joke, after taking BC in high school and getting only a 3 on it so I couldn’t be placed out of this class. I did well on all the homeworks and quizzes but did only a few points better than the mean on both midterms. Come the final and I study for a week determined to get an A in this class and I get a 100 on the final boosting me to an A. The work I did on the final for this class is probably the work I'm most proud of all semester.

OVERALL REFLECTION:

Now that I'm between semesters I have some time to myself to organize my thoughts, re-focus and think back about what I learned over the course of my first semester of grad school. Overall though I was pretty stressed out and always pressed for time I enjoyed my classes but really disliked the textbooks used. I found myself either shunning entire sections and turning to youtube or other sites for help frequently.

The intro courses covered a lot. There was a lot of memorizing and note-card making and just a wide range of stuff to take in. Off the top of my head what I remember from Stat Theory I:

Lots of different ways to look at, think about and calculate probability

Bayes theorem

Discrete probability distributions and their means and variances (Binomial, Negative Binomial, Geometric, Hypergeometric, Poisson)

Continuous probability distributions and their means and variances  (Uniform, Normal, Gamma, Chi-Square, Exponential, Beta)

Discrete and continuous joint (multivariate) probability distributions and how to calculate their means and expected values

Covariance, correlation coefficient, conditional expectation and conditional variance

Things I wished we covered in more depth from Stat Theory I:

Moment generating functions - why are they so important? are they ever used in real life?

Conditional expectation and conditional variance - these concepts felt rushed at the end of the semester, I should probably review these before the next semester starts.

Stat Methods I was a more enjoyable class, less dry than theory I and overall more interesting. Things I remember from Methods I:

Statistic vs parameter, sampling methods & biases, describing data (distributions, histograms, box plot...) measures of central tendency and spread, more probability, CLT, sampling distributions

confidence intervals for mu and variance, hypothesis testing for mu and variance, estimating mu sigma known vs sigma unknown, comparing 2 estimates of mu, comparing variances, calculating sample size and power, interpreting p-values, estimating true proportions, comparing 2 proportions, goodness of fit tests, tests for independence and homogeneity, brief intro to regression, plus a ton more that i cant remember at the moment.

Things I wished we covered in more depth from Stat Methods I:

Thinking back i'm still a little fuzzy on the topic of statistical power. It is the probability you correctly reject a null hypothesis when it is false, and is inversely related to Beta, but it seems like a somewhat deep concept and one I should probably look into more.

How hypothesis testing relates to frequentist vs bayesian statistics. In class hypothesis testing is represented as if it is the only way to "do" statistics. Though from my reading it seems to me there is another way of thinking about things, namely Bayesian, and I wish some of the criticisms of hypothesis testing/frequentist methods was discussed more.

A reflection on a semester year in this place I’ve called home.

For once, it doesn’t feel like my life is chopped into semester-long pieces, and finally it feels like one whole year has elapsed. It is very crazy to think that it is almost 2015, and I have been going to school in Ithaca since August 2012. I passed by my freshman dorm last week and although it seems so familiar, it seems just as far away because I’m in that awkward middle stage called Junior Year, officially 3 semesters away from graduating.

When I came back to Cornell for Year 3, I arrived with a mission to change people’s perceptions of me – very selfish, and kind of prideful, yeah… I know. However, my experiences over the spring semester and summer made me more aware of who I am in the eyes of our great God, and I felt like many people didn’t see the person that now stood in front of me as I gazed into a mirror, and most importantly, that person that decided to trust the Lord with everything and in everything, even if it meant letting things go.

Yes, I adjusted my priorities a bit this semester, but that didn’t immediately change my heart. And so I asked something strange of God this semester – that He do the hard work of sanctifying me endlessly. That is where the real change began. He made me realize how so much of my struggles and sin come from the busy-ness. My activities made me complacent and okay with only being there physically to save face instead of being fully invested spiritually. There is so much more to being present than just showing up. My lack of passion for the cause of Christ was because when I was with the Lord, I had nothing left to give.

So, I devoted more of my time and of my heart to ministry. This semester, I started co-leading a small group of freshman girls in learning about the gospel that changed my life. Each meeting was a learning experience for them, but also reminder of my own inadequacies. I thought that explaining the gospel and seeing growth would be so simple given my “expertise” in the Word of God. But every week was a reminder that I am simply the sower. I have to trust God that the truths displayed with impact their hearts and strengthen my ladies’ understanding of His Word. But my trust in His saving and sanctifying work has brought good things to my group without question, and has made me love them all so much more.

On the other hand, it meant I had to embrace hard changes in other aspects of my life, some things of which I still don’t necessarily understand the repercussions just yet. But I know it all has occurred according to God’s great purpose, and in His grace, I am still somewhat valued in the upheaval. I have gotten to know some people better, others less, but in the midst of it all, one thing still remains. He made me aware of so many of my own injustices and my insecurities, but, overall, He made me ever aware of how much I need Him over anything and in everything. Throughout the trials of this semester, the one thing that has remained steadfast is my dependence on our great God.

things i learned my first semester of college: 

- when you stop looking for love in every cute boy you see, you find it in yourself and the rest comes eventually

- surrounding yourself with good people who care about you makes even the shittiest times of your life just a bit more bearable

-your health comes first, always. but don't everything else fall behind, or your health will be drug down with it

-you don't need to lose weight to love your body, it's amazing and perfect the way it is

-being an engineer, or a doctor, or a lawyer isn't for everyone. and that's okay. the world needs writers and creative minds too

(to any of my friends that choose to read this post... or anyone that knows me... this is about to be very blunt and nostalgic, fair warning)

Well.... I did it. I made it an entire semester without going home. Can you believe it? I can't. This time last year I would have told you that was "impossible". There's no way that I could not go home every other weekend. I'm here to say that I can not go home not only every other weekend, but not go home for 4 months. To say it was easy would be a lie.... it was the third hardest thing I've ever had to go through.... but I'll go into that later.

I started this semester coming off of a 2 1/2 year relationship. Ending my relationship with Justin was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I have nothing but respect for him. I took it upon myself to do something for the both of us... although I can't speak for him, but (to me) we were not living our college years the way we should be. I do not regret my first two years at college, at all. I loved them. But there was part of me that was sad when I would come home and hear all my friends "crazy" stories whilst I had none to share. I always said that that was not important to me.... but I had to find out for myself. It's been almost 4 months, and I still feel the same way I did then in August.... A part of me is missing. I lost not only my boyfriend but my best friend that day. A bond that no one can replace, and a relationship that I am not looking for someone to fill in for. The worst feeling in the world is to hurt someone and know that it is out of your hands to fix it. That all there is left to do is wait (wait to live, wait to die, wait for an absolution that will never come.... Titanic reference sorry couldn't help it) and hope one day that he'll talk to me again, whether it be friends or what.

With that being said. I came back to South Carolina to start over.... to see what college is "all about" and why the college years are suppose to be the best years of your life. My first step: find a job. After working all summer and having a very steady income.... I knew it would be hard to go from that to, well, nothing. I found a lovely job at a restaurant chain (only in the South, sorry friends at home) called Zoe's Kitchen. I was a hostess/cashier. I met many lovely people working at Zoe's, customers and co-workers. My one manager was great, and I can only hope to acquire is management skills in my future career (thank you for all the Saturdays off!). And I made two really great friends with, Paty and Maggie. Working there made me feel comfortable and helped me get in the mindset that I can work and start a life somewhere else. Knowing that I had people relying on me to come to work for my shifts helped keep me down here.

Next came somewhere to live; I met my roommate for the second time that week in August, Lauren. For those who do not know we met on a plane (a year from tomorrow.... eek!) and decided to be roommates for this upcoming year in an off campus apartment. We like to call it.... love at first flight. Some may say we're crazy, and yeah we probably are, but I could not be more thankful for sitting next to Lauren on that 25 minute plane ride to Charlotte that December day. This apartment and roommate was exactly what I needed. Someone to take me out and introduce me to the friends I never got a chance to meet, someone to stay up until 4am talking with, a friend that has come to grow as a sister to wipe away my tears and rub my back at my worse and congratulate me and share my joy at my best. Sure we've both had our ups and downs this semester.... but it was a learning semester for both us of us , and I am so blessed to have gone through it with Lauren. There were some weeks that we would both be so busy that we saw each other maybe once for all of five minutes in a five day span. But coming home to an apartment that was ours and a place that we feel comfortable and safe in.... and somewhere I've come to accept as a home, was such a relief feeling. So Lauren, a huge thank you.... I can not wait for the semester to come (and hopefully summer.....) you are more than a roommate to me and you do not know how much I appreciate all you have done for me this semester. You have put me in my place when I needed advice (and kept me from doing things I would regret) and helped me go out of my comfort zone to achieve things I thought I would never accomplish. You're the best Mrs. a girl could ask for.

Next thing I wanted to do, was join a sorority. I thought this would enhance my college experience. That even though I only had a year left, that a group of girls would accept me and call me their sister. And I could not be happy and more proud to be apart of Epsilon Sigma Alpha. I may not be involved with the sorority as much as I would like to be.... but there is not one girl in this sisterhood who would not be there for me if I ever needed them. It has truly been a great experience thus far, and I am excited to see what next semester brings.

That brings me to the reason I decided to join ESA, to my lovely and dearest friend Alison. We interned together this summer at Seabrook (miss it). We knew eachother from being in the same class but this summer was when we truly bonded and became inseparable. When the two other intern girls decided to turn against us (the brunettes... enough said) Alison and I had to go out of our element to turn what was starting off to be a crappy summer into one we would remember forever. And I can honestly say I had the best summer of my life. The people we met and friends we made are unforgettable. I had never been one to "go out and drink" and neither had Alison, but with some  nice IDs and discovering our favorite drinks, John Daley, and with the support of each other we set out on an adventure that is called Downtown Charleston<3 Sure I did stupid stuff this summer and there were tears, I had my first away from home experience and found somewhere that I want to raise a family one day. Alison, I'm so glad we corrupted each other in the best way possible. From our first Bahama Mama at Red's, to having to sit on the dock trying to sober up at 2 am and the bar closing with us still there, to those last few days of double shifts... you never left my side no matter what the situation. I am blessed to have a best friend like you, you've helped me more than you'll ever know.

This may seem unnecessary for me to say all of this stuff, but I need to get a lot off my chest, if only for the sole reason to reflect upon whether it be a few months or a year from now.

So now what? I had my job, apartment/roommate, sisterhood, best friend... what else was I missing to get the "college experience" I was seeking? 

Party scene. I still have yet to go out to 5 points, and I honestly do not know if that will change next semester. I prefer not to die, and those of y'all that are from Columbia should know what I mean by that. But I did venture out to some of my first college parties. Yeahhhh.... first college parties, you read that right. I did not go out my first two years of college. It was not something I had an interest in, or maybe cause I just was never invited. but that's all I'm going to say about that part of the past. I went to parties this year and I learned how to be socialable on my own. and it was fun. I got to ice luge(look it up), I got to hold a girl's hair while she threw up, I got to walk around sketchy parts of Columbia. I still can't say that partying is my favorite thing to do as it is for some college kids.... but I can say I did it.

Okay so add alcohol in with the rest of that mix, still not having the full experience though....

WELCOME TO GAMECOCK COUNTRY! Going to a D1 school was one of the best decisions I ever made. I could not be in love with my school more than I grew to love it this year. And for those who may never get to understand the thrill of saturday gamedays, rivalries and team pride.... I am truly sorry. For this has been my favorite part of college. From my first game vs. Georgia freshman year, to my last game at Clemson as a senior.... I am proud to be a Gamecock.... Forever to thee<3  And not many people can say that college game day came to their college TWICE and that they never lost to Georgia OR Clemson as a student. I will forever wear my garnet and black with pride. And yes, it is necessary to dress up on game day in the SEC.

Well.... that's its. Except there's one more person to thank, last but not least. Mat-tia Elizabeth Josefine Lacagnina/Heron.... you are a sister to me. We have been friends for over 9 years now, and even though we have been apart for 3 years going to colleges 800 miles away, I talk to you more than I do my friends that live minutes away from me. Whether its 3 am or just a casual facetime in the middle of the afternoon. No one knows me like you do (and I don't think anyone else should) and still loves me like you. Through it all, no matter what. "Do you suppose that I would come running? Do you suppose I'd come at all? You know I would."<3  Without here I wouldn't have kept sane this semester.

To wrap this essay up. What I learned this semester: that college is what you make of it. If you want it to be some huge party/bar scene, it very well could be.... you just need the right friends to make it happen. If you want to join a sorority.... then go for (gopher) it! You will find your fit somewhere. 

....but to me, college is and has been just that.... college. A place where I earned a degree in minimal time. I may not have the same college experience as everyone else, but I've come to accept that. I do not need to "black out" to say I had a good night. That's just not who I am. I do not need 50 friends to feel loved. I have maybe 3 good friends here that I trust with my life, and that is okay with me. I would not trade those 3 for anything. I can say I made my mistakes this semester, as most people can. And I can say that I am looking forward to being done in a few months. As much as I love USC, I'm ready to move on.... to Disney more specifically. 

And one last thank you; to everyone that has known me for the past couple years. Thank you for the love and support. To look back to where I once was, is a scary thing for me to do. And I try to forget that time of my life, but it's a force in me that only pushes me to do better and keep thriving. I am forever grateful for the one thing that turned my life around, and they know what that is.

For now, I see no reason to move home.... I need to keep growing up. Ideally, I'll be in Disney in August and stay there either until January or extend on for who knows how long. I've come to learn and accept and trust God's plan that he has for me....