#selfruin

Daisy, ( @selfruin )

I know you'll never see this because I'm never going to send it, hell I'm not even sure how I'd get it to you at this point. I mean I could give it to Simone and maybe she'd deliver it to you, but I feel she hates me just as much as everyone else right now, if not more. Which is totally understandable. I don't blame anyone for the way they feel towards me right now, especially you. I did you so wrong, and now I see that. Now I can admit that I am not a good person, and that I helped ruin your beautiful soul. Ruin isn't a good word.... you're not ruined, you never could be, you're such a beautiful person inside and out if you'd just let yourself be.... A better word is hurt, I see now that I hurt you, massively, and it's not fair. At all. I know I can't, I know it's impossible, but I wish we could just start from the beginning again. I would do so much so differently... Like actually love you the way you deserved to be loved, fully, unconditionally, and thoroughly. I would have respected you for your talent from the get go, I would have accepted the input you had and seen that you make it better. You make everything better. I know I said that once before, and maybe after everything that happened you don't believe it but it's so true.

But sadly, I can't go back. All I can do now is ask for your forgiveness, and even then I understand if you don't give it me. I'm not sure I necessarily deserve it, but all I can do is ask. I shouldn't have led you on like I did, and I should have communicated my expectations of what our relationship was better. you didn't deserve that, and I'm so sorry for the misunderstanding. If I'm honest I thought we were on the same page, which in hindsight was unfair of me to assume. I hope you know the only reason I was never fully yours was for Julia's sake. Which isn't an excuse, what I did was inexcusable, but I just wanted to let you know my reasonings. I feared that if I left Cami, ( which if I'm honest with you, it's something that's been heavy on my mind... we both know how she is. ) she would keep Julia from me, and that's the last thing I want. You know me better than anyone, you get me better than anyone so you know that my biggest fear is to turn out like my father. Which again, if we're honest, I've already started to do. But, that's not on you. That's all on me. I don't want to say you're blame, but I think now we can both admit that it's on both of us.

I guess this letter is me trying to say that I forgive you. I don't think I could do anything but love you Daisy. Genuinely. You showed me parts of myself that I had buried so deep inside of myself that I forgot they existed. You understood, well understand me better than anyone. You see my demons, you've faced the same ones, but you also see the good in me. When no one else did, you believed in me Daisy, and I'm just so thankful for you and the impact you had on me as a person. It wasn't always pretty, but I don't think real life ever is. What we had, it was real. What we are, it's real. You made me feel real again, and not like I was living in some fantasy world. You made me appreciate myself and the small things in life again, and again I can't thank you enough. You make me better, you made me better. Even on our worst days. Even when we were fighting and yelling and playing our silly little games. You made me better.

I hope you're getting the help you need. I really do. Because, D, you've got such a bright future ahead of you. I think I'm done with the whole rockstar life, but you? I can see you being a household name for generations to come. What we had with the six was great, but that's because you brought so much raw, beautiful talent to it. And now? Now you get to bring that raw, beautiful talent to your own career. Never give up Daisy, please never give up. I love you more than I can ever express.

feat. camila alvarez w/ daisy jones.

it's early - gotham square chimes four am , there are those just waking up alongside those who never went to bed. bruce is the former , and as he looks over he wonders if she's been to bed yet. glitter accents eyes , and there's a journal that's housed at her side.

the coffee place had always been his father's favorite - a little hole in the wall that had threatened to close years earlier , the price of real estate climbing as thomas wayne stepped in and offered a deal to the owner. insisting that it was the owner doing him a favor by remaining open , and ? like that the place remained.

the sun has already risen , and grey clouds obscure most of the sunshine. ' yeah , it never changes here ' his brows rise and he clears throat , ' don't know if it's good that you're playing here for three days or not ... ' he pauses , ' the whole california sun thing ? it's not here ' leaning on learnt behaviors , and allowing words to have the slightest hint of humor.

my skin still bears the scars of a day already half lived , there was little point in going back to bed. this coffee shop had always proved a decent enough place to work. it was out of the way , and no one knew that i came here. i've seen their posters , daisy jones & the six ... it appears that we both work best with little to no sleep. though , her sleeplessness is the kind of sleeplessness that comes with the lifestyle.

𝙱𝙸𝙻𝙻𝚈 𝙳𝚄𝙽𝙽𝙴 : 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗼𝗯𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗶 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝘀𝘆 𝗷𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲. 𝗶 […] 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗶 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴. 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 […] 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝘀𝘆 𝗷𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝘀𝘆 𝗷𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲? 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲? 𝗶 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗱. 𝗶 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻, 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘁𝗮 𝗺𝗲. 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝗮 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗱𝗺𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝘀 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗳. 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱’𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗲’𝗱 𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗴𝗻𝗮𝘄 𝗼𝗳𝗳 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗱𝗺𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲. 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗲.

traffic, sirens, t̳h̳u̳n̳d̳e̳r̳. billy 𝚌𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚒𝚜𝚎 outside 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚒𝚝𝚢 at least as much as he does the door handle. cap pulled low 𝖎𝖓 𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖈𝖎𝖕𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 of the weather, car keys, notebook. there comes a hot summer-storm 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑒𝑧𝑒, tingling with electricity ; 𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢. flyers flutter all down the hallway, p̳i̳n̳n̳e̳d̳ ̳i̳n̳ ̳p̳l̳a̳c̳e̳ on notice boards but protesting. ‘drummer wanted’, ‘need session guitarist’, ‘sanity missing, return if found.’

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠’𝐬 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 in billy’s throat, and after a beat, he 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚜 to push on. the 𝑔𝑙𝑎𝑠𝑠 𝑑𝑜𝑜𝑟 doesn’t even get around to slamming shut before she’s after him, and a wind picks up her hair, 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚗.      ❛❛  just go record your doubles, daisy,  ❜❜      biIly says, 𝖘𝖜𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜𝖎𝖓𝖌 his 𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖋𝖎𝖈𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓. he knows she’s not talking about the track.      ❛❛  i’m going.  ❜❜

TARANTINO FILM QUOTES MEME. 

"mm, lotta men are dumb as hell," that's what her mama's always said, anyway — particularly, whenever billie's asked about her father. mama's advice has never steered her wrong (from a certain point of view), so she'll accept that answer.

A  man  who  moves  unnoticed  through  a  crowded  bar  is  a  lucky  one     ⎯⎯⎯     Roman  counts  himself  lucky  for  that  at  least.  When  the  lights  of  the  stage  fall  away  he  becomes  nothing  more  than  a  shadow  in  the  atmosphere  of  dimmed  lights  and  fog  produced  by  smokemachines.  Glits  and  glamour,  baby  !  An  unexpected  stop  due  to  a  cancelled  flight     ;     not  a  solid  reason  to  stay  and  wallow  in  a  hotel  when  he  could  enjoy  face the  night.  A  wrong  decision,  apparently,  when  he  maneuvers  through  the  mess  of  bodies  packed  too  close  for  comfort  to  take  a  seat  next  to  a  stranger.  ❝Is  it  always  this  full  here  on  a  Tuesday  ?  ❞