#selfpoem

It’s a loose mind thing,

Curing myself as a whole 

Cigarettes and latte

Tyneside Cafe

Emotions

Long term thoughts 

Observing life

Painter comes through, painting the scene... the empathy in me.

Mataku berbinar kala pantulannya kudapati pada sebuah cermin Pipiku terangkat membentuk seutas senyum manis Ada yang membuncah didalam sana Detaknya mengalahkan suara-suara alam

Ku tanya pada ibuku apa yang terjadi. Katanya, “kau tak pernah tahu kapan cinta hadir dalam hidupmu”

Atas dasar kata-kata yang tak kasat mata Atas dasar hati yang tak berhati-hati Atas dasar diri yang tak awas diri   Atas dasar hati yang tak memiliki kuasa diri

Ibu, Aku jatuh cinta

Black is my hue,

Mask that covers me,

I can see only darkness,

Behind that is fulfillment,

I hide my personality,

Yet it is not the reality,

I live in the cave, that i can't express myself,

Yet with the bats coming out at night,

I'm a scout of humour,

Who gare honour,

I am a strong man,

everything keeps me awake

I tried storing 

my sad stories

on the pitfall

most profound zone

inside of me

but as soon as it is triggered

it distorts all the figures

it sprouts out of my eyes

it races my heart 

it shortens my breath

can’t drop too deep

my bottom has teeth

it often chews me 

my tongue I tie

like shoelaces

I am always stung 

by the same bees

but I don’t show my swell

tumbling with the lumps

and the desire to be

someone else

all that breaks

ought to be replaced

right?

there is a troubled kid

my past, that is

how do I stop blaming myself

for something I never did?

how to feel enough?

as I watch people 

leave me so easily

warmth, I find to bind 

due not for this cold weather

but to provide heat to my cold mind

thinking in repeat 

I spill over my capacity 

these feelings don’t fit

inwardly

so I unload them free

as in baleful retreats 

‘tis the only thing

I know too well

flashes assault me

my legs wobble in despair

I am constantly trying to repair

the right set of me 

with the wrong set of tools

pull me out of myself

at least for a tiny bit

somedays I am too blinded

by what I choose to see

pull me out of myself

so I can breathe

so much lust for affection 

I lost my own reflection

attention, my biggest creed

I hate myself...

but I love the world

and life

and all of the people in mine.

I know I’m fortunate, I know I am blessed and I wouldn’t trade anything for the life I live. 

Everything and everyone is so beautiful in such different ways

and I just..

hate