#selfharmalternatives

I wanted to cut myself today after being grabbed by the waist by the one of the men who groped me 3 years ago, so I drew in my arm instead.

"Y me, kill me"

I felt a little better but... not at all better.

I did write down on piece of paper to my manager at checkout that said he was making me uncomfortable and that she needs to have a talk with him.

She said she would, but she is weak-willed like me. I should have crushed his hand, but I was embarrassed and scared and the whole kitchen was watching.

I wonder if I'll make it to 25 before I snap, deteriorate and do something I'll regret.

-c- decide to brand me as an attention seeker because my cuts were not deep and therefore I was doing it to make people feel sorry for me. Sorry for asking this, I just saw you giving out self harm help and stuff, and sometimes I feel like people and there problems are not taken seriously because the normal person does not perceive them to be bad enough to sort out yet, and that's really upsetting to me idk. sorry to bother xo-----------------------------------------------------------------------Trigger Warning.

Okay. So. This is tough, because I know that a lot of people are curious about this. First, I'd like to say I'm sorry that you even have to be curious about this, I hope you're okay. I think there can be a bit of a misperception in society about what classifies someone as "sick". Everyone has different standards. But all standards are bullshit. It doesn't matter if you scratch yourself, or punch yourself, or cut so deep that you need stiches.. it's not about the injury itself. It's about the mind set you are in that even makes you want to hurt yourself, or do something to escape the pain. Whether you purge, or binge, or strave, it's the same thing. There is something mental that drives one to do that, and that's what doctors and specialists will look at. Don't get me wrong, some people may judge you. I know my own brother thought I was faking to get attention because I didn't originally cut my arms. People who don't understand or don't know about mental illness may judge, but most won't. If you were to go to a psyclogist or any mental health doctor they will absolutely 100% take your problems seriously. They will look at the inner struggle, not the outter struggle. I promise you. A regular family doctor may not be as helpful in some cases though.. I mean, mine isn't.

Just to put your mind at ease I'll tell you about me. When I was admitted to the inpatient program at my hospital, I had very few visible cuts and scars. They were fairly small. The doctors there only asked me about them once then they moved on and dug deeper. They didn't care what size my cuts were, they took care of me anyway. When I was there, they diagnosed me with an eating disorder. Know why? Because of my irregular eating habits. NOT because of my size. My BMI is healthy. I'm not under weight. I never was. I don't look sick at all. They still took my mental conditions that goes with the eating disorder very seriously and contacted the eating disorders clinic (ahh I'm going tomorrow :s).