Dec 5, 2022
Hope all problems will be gone by the end of the year! 😭😭😭 #jcdiaries💜 #needprayers🙏 #selfcrisis #repost #chapter12of12❄️ https://www.instagram.com/p/Clyrxk5JPbt/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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Hope all problems will be gone by the end of the year! 😭😭😭 #jcdiaries💜 #needprayers🙏 #selfcrisis #repost #chapter12of12❄️ https://www.instagram.com/p/Clyrxk5JPbt/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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|| imPERFECT || I’m sorry that you had to deal with this side of me. There are times that I will choose to stay silent instead of adding another word of disappointment. There are times that I couldn’t help but be extremely sensitive no matter how hard I try to fight it. When things get rough, I couldn’t help but blame myself for my shortcomings. I’m sorry if you think you are the reason behind my self crisis— no you’re not. It’s just me. And I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I won’t admit it but I look down on myself most of the time for I know I will never be enough for you. Have you even realised I’ve got nothing to brag about? No achievements, not beautiful enough, not rich, not intelligent, no skill or talent at all, and definitely not someone to be proud of. Yup, unlike all the other it girls around. I AM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT— this is my dilemma. I will only cause you frustration because the silent monster inside me will suddenly come out without prior notice. My heart is genuine; but my heart is immensely scared. Scared of losing you because you’ll realise I’m a good-for-nothing kind of gal. To be honest, I am tired. I am tired of belittling myself. I am tired of seeing every inch of the flaws inside me. No changes. They are still there. And I’m afraid they won’t go away. I am tired of crying myself to sleep. That after every smile I give away during the day, tears will fall nonstop before my consciousness leave me. I am tired of how life repeats itself. I know that my happiness is real, but my dilemma keeps on coming back. I am tired of how other people see me. They never see the good in me because there is no any. I am tired of being me. I am tired. But never of you.
#Existensaldread #selfcrisis #doomuponalltheworld #catsofinstagram
“I wish I never existed”
Do you ever look at your own drawings and just... hate them?
I love drawing, and it usually helps calm me, and I enjoy drawing people and things that influence me.
But lately all I can do is hate on my own drawings, and just want to tear them apart or just not show anyone. The people who see my drawings usually praise them and compliment them, but I’m just always finding flaws.
People tell me to post my drawings and I want to, but at the same time I’m conflicted and think people will hate them or criticize them like my inner thoughts do. Not just other fans, but Mark and Jack or whoever the drawing may be for/of.
I can’t stand my drawings, no matter the compliments I get on them, I hate them.
It’s not about ‘getting better’ at drawing, I’ve only ever done it as a hobby, I don’t care about being perfect. Kindof. I know I can’t get better, because mentally I can’t wrap my mind around anything further than the ‘skills’ I have now. and it doesn’t matter in that sense anyway. It’s always just been a hobby.
I gave up on drawing because of these feelings once before, and I’m afraid I’ll give up again. I’m just such a critic I can’t barely finish a drawing anymore without hating it and ripping it apart, physically and mentally.
I’m shaky, I don’t know why. I’m mentally tearing apart the flaws in my drawings.
I know this doesn’t really matter to most of you. and that’s fine. I just needed to vent.
-Kittie.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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