#self-potrait

Self-portrait in frosted glass

"Portrait of an Artist Who Has Had Enough" - 2023

I took the worst photo that anyone could possibly take of themselves recently, and found it so hilariously bad that I had to paint it. I looked so done with it.

I surround myself with people Who I aspire to be more like I realize only now How afraid I am to depend on others

I forget that if I don’t let my friends help me, I could never ask them to accept my own assistance When I need someone to help

All the things I care about in life, I built on my own And that pains me

I forget that filling out forms isn’t about true or false Logical analysis, or truth value… It’s about fitting into boxes, Molding yourself into categories, Whose porous shells leak with the smell of fear The danger of a self-portrait illegible

Money has to keep moving The day it stops swimming is the day it dies I’m not ready to lose my fins again

“You seem self-aware of your problems”

That could be the case But maybe, I’m just bad at lying to myself And that’s why I’m here in the first place Poisoning myself, by weaving disordered feelings Into reasonably ordered binaries, destructive contradictions