Becoming self-aware

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku Yumeno love chaos. And current chaos can't be topped by anything or anyone. They weren't real.

⭐⭕ Yokohama wasn't real. Little shops weren't real. The river weren't real. The old building where Guild locked them weren't real.

⭐⭕ Stupid Guild weren't real. Stupid boss Mori wasn't real. Stupid Mister Dazai wasn't real.

⭐⭕ Their doll weren't real. They weren't real. So why... Why were they crying over something that weren't real.

⭐⭕ First days of self-awareness Kyuusaku spent hysterical. They were crying one minute, then laughing the next.

⭐⭕ When they finally pull themselves together, they refused to leave the building. They see no reason.

⭐⭕ Chaos was everywhere. But Q don't like that chaos. Q wanted to have nothing to do with the chaos. At least, they won't face more chaos than needed.

⭐⭕ They maintained Port Mafia HQ's building. They cooked (at least tried).

⭐⭕ And they were thinking.

⭐⭕ They like themselves. They don't like themselves. They want chaos. They want order.

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku want to talk to a person, who made them. To a person, who couldn't decide what they wanted from Q.

⭐⭕ Why stupid boss Mori know what he wants? Why stupid Mister Dazai can knew, what he wants? Why Q can't be happy? Why they can't know what they want?

⭐⭕ Do they want self-awareness? Or they preferred to remain an empty husk?

⭐⭕ There were questions. There were no answers. There was Empty Yokohama. There were self-aware people. And a sea of chaos.

⭐⭕ And then, one day, they feel an entity's gaze on them.

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Kyuusaku wanted to make Mr. Dazai suffer. But, and they admitted it, it was a game on their part. They didn't hate anyone. Well, exept their ability.

But now they hated it.

Entity.

They were evil. They created the chaos. They give self-awareness, making world confusing and scary. They took away the blissful ignorance.

They were somewhere away from the chaos. And Kyuusaku can't get to them.

They wanted Entity to dissolve. To run away.

They wanted world to return to how it used to be.

But one day, time reset.

For few moments, they were six again, and Mister Dazai and Mister Chuuya were arguing before their eyes.

Something invisible touched their head. Barely a whisper followed.

"cute"

Time skipped again.

And Kyuusaku, once again, were on the train, where they met ADA members.

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When they start feeling your presence

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku didn't understand, what was going on. ADA members, instead of doing what they did before, welcomed them. They said, they waited for them. That Port Mafia and ADA were in alliance.

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku were silent. They left the train. They let Mister Dazai lead them by holding their hand.

⭐⭕ And everyone talked.

⭐⭕ About Guiding Light. About Union. About Real World. About New Friends. About Freedom. About not needing to act and re-enact.

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku listened. And they were scared.

⭐⭕ They thought, that current chaos can't be topped. They were mistaken. Real World was more chaotic.

⭐⭕ There will be more chaos for Q. But they wanted clarity. Stability.

⭐⭕ They didn't want to be self-aware. Be an empty husk is easy. Finding clarity as a person are hard and scary.

⭐⭕ Q were silent when they got to ADA (or, at this point, Union's) HQ. They stayed with Port Mafia members. They learnt about "simply visit the place, don't act".

⭐⭕ When they and Lovecraft were in a place, where, previously, Q were kidnapped, they finally broke.

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku begged to be captured. They didn't want to be self-aware anymore. They wanted life to be easy.

⭐⭕ Lovecraft didn't listen. They returned them to HQ.

⭐⭕ Than there was the time their and John's ability cause havoc over Yokohama. This time, Q weren't captured. They were siting on a comfy bed, their bed, in Union HQ. Then they heard a voice again.

"Q [|||||||] poor thing. What [|||||||||||||||] are thinking?"

⭐⭕ For some reason, it calmed Q's mind. Ot was kindness. It was simple. It was kindness towards fictional teen.

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku didn't have a long time to process everything. Because they have to return to abandoned building. To be, but not act.

⭐⭕ Once again, Kyuusaku were before Steinbeck. This time, not tied in vines.

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«Why... All I've ever wanted is to live happily. I never asked for this kind of ability! But why do such terrible things always happen to me?!"

Something shined in the corner of their eye. Someone hugged them.

Kyuusaku felt, like they were hugged by a family member.

Words came.

"poor" "child" "don't deserve"

"Kyuusaku, kiddo, there wasn't any reason for all the terrible things to happen. It was a choices of other people. But not yours. You aren't cursed. You aren't useless. You are someone, who need family and friends. And I wish that you have them. I wish that in the future you will be happy. If it was in my powers, I would ensure your happiness."

Hug didn't end. For the first time in forever, there were genuine tears and genuine smile on Kyuusaku's face.

[In reality, you put your hand over manga panel with Q on it.]

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⭐⭕ From now on Kyuusaku become your fan. You were clarity. You made reality and self-awareness aren't scary. They wanted to be by Guilding Light's side.

And then, one day, the purple moon shined above Yokohama.

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When you installed BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku have their own menu in the app. It allows you to put different outfits on their doll. There is a mini game to create an outfit that will also give you Level up materials.

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku didn't add their card, but they want to add double cards with them and other members of BSD Cast.

⭐⭕ They love watching cartoons through the access to your phone.

"Q's doll are so small and cute!"

"Sleep tight, Q. I love that SSR animation."

"Q, do you like frogs? I wonder, if you would like to see more colourful frogs. Don't touch them, tho."

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku love every comment you make. They already adopted you as their older sibling.

⭐⭕ Now Q aren't scared. Now they knew what they want.

⭐⭕ To be in Real World. With you. To protect you.

⭐⭕ They can't wait.

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You finished crafting the outfit for the doll, when you got an in-game notification.

You checked the inbox. There was a note.

"[Y/N]! The best person in the world! Thanks for making me brave! Let's play when we have a chance. Q"

You chucked, opening one of the Q cards you have. You pet chibi Q.

"You are welcome, Q. Of course, we will play together, if there is a chance."