#self content

Struggling with Relying too much on External Validation? Reading these really helped me get some perspective and encouraged me to do more in order to Heal:

https://moderntherapy.online/blog-2/2019/12/6/validation-understanding-internal-vs-external-validation

https://www.talkspace.com/blog/validation-opinions-stop-seeking/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2017/08/validation-self-esteem#1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2017/08/validation-from-wrong-people#4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nwSjRA3kQA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUJHZdT713c

What about People Pleasing? Do you struggle with that too? Here’s what i found when i was exploring the web:

https://ccbhc.org/13-ways-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/people-pleaser/

https://blog.gratefulness.me/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/

https://www.healthline.com/health/people-pleaser#takeaway

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3MyyJzRVio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hYTPl7MkiA

Say hello to my very small but very powerful herb family! 😅

Starting helping my mum with her garden this week. Something I love doing is gardening. It makes me feel so calm. I get this sense if sorting through thought as sort through the ground and rid of the weeds in the garden. If that makes sense?

Anyways... the rambles of a potatoe.

How are you doing today?

Did someone say LER NYX 👀‼️😩🫣🫨😵‍💫🥴😮‍💨

On top of serving as definitive proof of @nyxtickled ‘s undeniable ler skillz I GUESS 😨🫣🫣, this clip is also visual aid for this lil post showcasing how unfair everyone is at gatherings 😤🙄😛

SO yesterday I shot another video with Japanese content producer @wakasira (this is his more active twitter/X account!) … and guys I NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT 😩😳😵😵🫠

So long story short, I started off in already super restrictive bondage (pictured above 🙃🙃) as you can see… HOWEVER being the escape artist I am, it’s pretty common for me to get out of toe ties and wrist cuffs and in general be able to have some ability to be disruptive to the T my body is being put through.

I actually tried my very best to be cooperative despite everything since this was a paid shoot and all but when the panic and desperation hits I just NEEEEED it to stop SO BAD LOL. In those moments I would do anything AND I MEAN ANYTHING for it to stop for even one second and therefore the cuffs didn’t stand a chance lol.

However, to my absolute DISMAY, @spiffytickler the bondage king (who was also in the room during the shoot) started giving Mr Wakasira SUGGESTIONS in bondage tweaks that he knew had historically worked on me in particular, after witnessing me escaping a few times!!

As a result, I eventually ended up truly and irrevocably IMMOBILE. And. It. SUCKED!!! SO !!MUCHHH 😆😆😩😩😭 !!!

This brings us to the reflection I came here to write about today 🫣..

Maybe it's been a while since I been so utterly defenceless in a face up position with full vision (no blindfold) and could witness what was about to come, or maybe it’s just because @wakasira’s ler style is just so absolutely pin point effective and casually cruel with so much crazy anticipation-fear provocation .. but from this experience I've really come to realize just how much I'm so genuinely, deeply, and viscerally TERRIFIED of immobility. To truly be trapped. To need it to stop and ACTUALLY not have a way to even distract the ler’s focus for even a second. Oh my GOD 😵

It's absolutely CRAZY having actually no way to stop someone from touching you in all your weakest spots. Seeing them looming over me, grabbing the tools I hate the most when I’m already at my limit, moving freely to the spots I wanted to protect the most, and descending upon me with both free hands wherever they want with absolutely no restriction and no way for me to delay it was actually some of the most panic inducing visuals I’ve ever had in the WORLD. No safeword, language barrier making my pleads fall on deaf ears, any wiggling in my limited movement having no effect whatsoever on the hands that always followed steadfast.. I literally thought I would lose my MIND 😵‍💫🙃🙃🫠