#secondshot

10:29 - I haven't told the hosts that I've been grounded, they would likely ask why.

11:42 - Haruhi is taking the day off, almost didn't note this down, due to its obviousness. The hosts are attempting to fill me in on what I missed; they are attempting to claim she was cornered by many more then she was,

And scolding me for not paying attention.

"C'mon Kyoya-senpai, we're trying to fill you in here!" Hikaru whined, frowning at him, "what are you even writing?"

"I am paying attention, what I'm writing is notes on the situation." He rolled his eyes, what was it with the hosts and assuming he wasn't paying attention? Did they not know how he saw everything?

“What were you up to?” Honey had piped up curiously, “when Haru-chan was hurt? Tama-chan said you were busy.”

Well Kyoya couldn’t just tell him that Honey’s own brother was the reason for Kyoya’s absence. So he merely shrugged, “personally, I don’t see why that’s important information,” he also didn’t want to tell them he’d gotten hurt- they would be sure to ask too many questions.

Hikaru had been a bit rude this entire term, and this rule held firm now. He stared at Kyoya in suspicion, tone brash, “well it is important considering how you've been so damn rude to her this whole year!” It appeared he was angry. This was bad news, if one of the hosts doubted him, then it couldn't be too long until the others did as well. So Kyoya would have to quell their fears quickly- he may have to tell part of the truth.

He sighed, glancing down and putting on the expression of sadness. “Well if you’re going to accuse me, and truly believe i’d ever do that, then i am forced to tell you; I was in the hospital, I had sprained my ankle.” Silence fell over the hosts as he said that, eyes going to Kyoya’s ankle. Kyoya glanced back at Hikaru, seeing the instant guilt in the ginger’s face, “I didn’t want to tell you, because I felt it would be selfish when Haruhi required your entire attention.” That’s the kicker, the instan flash of guilt in his fellow hosts’ eyes as they realised how uncaring they’d been.

Tamaki gasped, clinging to Kyoya, "aw noo! Kyoooyyyaaa! That could never be selfish! You should have told us you were injured, we wouldn't have gotten angry or anything like that."

He had always been the sweetest person, Kyoya had to adore him even more in this moment. He just sighed and leant into Tamaki's touch, something he never did. The hosts reacted as he'd expected, surprise and the obvious reassessment of how they'd viewed any and all of Kyoya's recent actions- even Tamaki was surprised, pausing in his big dramatic comforting to wrap his arms around Kyoya gently, he was so warm… why was Tamaki always so warm?

Hikaru had apologized to Kyoya for being so accusatory, and Kyoya just sighed, "it's fine… I understand." He did, he understood, Hikaru was entirely correct.

"Hmm," Tamaki set his chin on Kyoya's head, he was always so clingy but Kyoya had to admit he loved it, "why don't we have a sleepover tonight? Just the boys?" Oh fuck, Kyoya knew that was going to come back to bite him. The other hosts seemed really keen on the idea, nodding and adding fun things they could do. Kyoya absolutely hated the idea of ruining his friends fun, especially if he was finally going to get the quality time with his friends that he'd wanted for so long.

He sighed, pushing Tamaki away. The poor king looked so confused and concerned, Kyoya couldn't look him in the eyes, hanging his head- the light hit his glasses in the wonderful way that hides his eyes. "I'm afraid I will not be able to join you."

"What? Why?" Tamaki sounded so hurt in that moment, but there was so much concern in his tone. Kyoya felt so much guilt as he heard the other boy's questioning.

"I've been grounded…" a heavy breath left his lips, he felt as if he had admitted to a crime, "I won't be able to attend the after-school session either, as father has forbidden extracurriculars for a week."

There was a silence that fell over the hosts, their expressions one of a deep shock- Kyoya never got in trouble, not to this degree at least. Not once before had any of his family been grounded either, the most being Akito getting forbidden from attending certain parties. Kyoya is an utter disappointment, and now the hosts could tell. "What did you do Kyo-chan? Why are you grounded?"

He swallowed in shame, not wanting to explain, he simply sighed, trying to come up with an excuse, "it's… it's nothing, you shouldn't worry about it. Enjoy your sleepover." Kyoya went to stand up, but Tamaki grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

"Kyoya wait, are you sure there's nothing we can do? If it's nothing then surely you can just talk to him about it? Maybe I can speak to him for you?"

"No!" Kyoya snapped, clasping his hands over his mouth, he never yelled, so the fact that it made him panic clearly showed the hosts that something was wrong, "I… I mean, it's not nothing but I just don't want to talk about such things, it's really not a big deal. Just have your stupid sleepover without me." With that, he yanked his arm away from Tamaki, grabbing his bag and heading to sit and wait in the classroom.

12:23 - The hosts will be having a sleepov Tamaki's being s The hosts know I am grounded and will be unable to join them for any activities for a week.

12:26 - I somehow feel even more alone

He didn't even help with the lunchtime session, ignoring the texts and missed calls. It didn't matter, it wasn't like he was of use anyway, he could do his one job from here. Which was how he spent all his freetime that day: doing the club finances. Tamaki sat next to him in every class, so it was nearly impossible to ignore him and Kyoya had to resort to speaking only when the question asked of him was of academic importance. It hurt him to ignore Tamaki like this, he loved him so much after all- but it had to be done, Kyoya had to keep the hosts from discovering the mess that he'd become.

It wouldn't be permanent anyway, his being a mess. Once he was with Tamaki, everything would get better, the world would be good again. Tamaki was so special, so wonderful, and Kyoya only needed a little bit of love to survive, and he'd fight for it; that love, he'd fight like he'd never fought before. He wanted to kill himself so much, but he promised himself that he wouldn't let that happen, in this moment he swore to himself that he could never kill himself until he had Tamaki.

I refuse to die until I am married.

He'd forgotten to write the date, he always wrote the date. He supposed it didn't really matter as it hadn't been too long since his last entry, only an hour or two. Besides; it wasn't like it was something that had happened in a specific time.

The first thing he did when he got home was breakdown in tears, leaning against the front door and sobbing. He knew this was dangerous; father could come along at any moment. So he got up, and he tried to wipe his tears, heading up the stairs to his room. Once he got up into his room, he broke down again, on the floor and sobbing. He felt horrible, he felt terrible, he couldn't breathe, he was shaking through sobs and gasping for breath. Kyoya managed to drag himself away from the door and to the window, laying down there and just sobbing his little heart out, staring out the window.

He'd never been grounded before, he'd never been such a disappointment in his life. He didn't know what to do or how to handle this, it was entirely new to him. Kyoya was a mess in the moment, tears spilling out in ways it shouldn't be; Kyoya wasn't supposed to be weak, Kyoya wasn't supposed to be a failure, Kyoya was supposed to be just like his brothers and perfect in every way.

He'd been laying there for a while, just crying and wishing he was never born. He had turned his phone off about three hours ago, he wanted to ignore the world for a bit. There was a knock… but it wasn't at his door, it was at his window. Hm, that wasn't where knocks were supposed to come from. Kyoya glanced over and- oh what the fuck? Why was Tamaki here?

"What the… Tamaki??" He sat up, rushing to open the window. He watched as Tamaki climbed in through the window, followed by the rest of the boys. It was certainly a spectacle and Kyoya found himself chuckling at the sight. "Why are you here??"

Tamaki sat up, smiling brightly, "well we couldn't just have a sleepover without you! Since you're grounded, I figured we'd have the sleepover here!"

God… that was the dumbest thing Kyoya had ever heard. He stared at Tamaki for a few minutes, unsure how to react, "are you trying to get me in trouble?"

"Noo! We wouldn't do that to you!" Tamaki clung to him, rubbing their faces together, Kyoya's face went red. "We'll be good, I promise."

Kyoya nodded, "alright then, but you have to be quiet." He stood up, wiping his tears and heading to his bed, were the hosts were gathering.

17:01 - For once, I feel loved.

So the hosts sat quietly around Kyoya's bed, whispering in hushed voices. It was almost fun to hide like this, the hosts almost made the fear fun. They spoke of spooky stories- the perfect topic for such a hushed tone. Keeping the lights off, they spoke of ghosts and ghouls, zombies and other assorted horrors.

When it was Kyoya's turn, he took the torch that was being passed around and took a level breath in. "Recently, only wednesday, Tamaki spent the night at my house," he began, noticing how confused the hosts were, that this story wasn't spooky in the slightest, he almost smiled, "it was after his argument with Haruhi. I had waited for him during it, though that part isn't important. What is important is the fact that I found myself waking up late at night, and whatever had woken me, didn't stir Tamaki in the slightest." He recalled the thing he saw, shivering, "it wasn't a human, it was too tall to be human. It was… almost a shadow with the way it looked, not fully corporeal…" he glanced back up at the hosts, noticing they looked a mix of hooked and concerned, he continued, "it flickered in the sliver of moonlight that came through the curtains, it's eyes gave off more light then that though. It was grabbing at the bedsheets, staring down at us with bright white eyes- I would have woken Tamaki if I had been able to move. It was a horrifying creature, not of this world. It caused no visible harm, but I still believe my story is superior.”

The hosts looked at him in shock, Tamaki's hands were shaking, “is that real? Did you really see it?”

Kyoya paused, god- did that make him sound crazy? He didn’t want the hosts to think him crazy. “N… no, no, it was… just a story. Nothing to worry about.” He smiled, passing the torch along. He was mentally kicking himself for having been so supid, why did he tell them that story? Why didn’t he make something up? Ugh, he was so stupid.

The night continued nicely, with the hosts sharing stories and talking about everything and nothing. For once in what felt like forever, Kyoya felt calm, he felt at peace. Eventually they went to sleep, all curled up on the bed in a big pile. Kyoya was incredibly warm, with his head resting on Mori and Tamaki clinging to his torso, the twins had their legs over his and were snoring quite softly. He was comfortable… he wished this could happen more often.