#secerts

I was introduced to journaling through cupcakes dairies, the book I picked up in the 4th grade, I'm not sure if I remember this correctly, but I think the main character Kate has a diary, and while this book series didn't do much but feed me some misogynistic propaganda - it did fuel my love for writing. I remember looking for an empty notebook and I wrote in it every morning for 3 days, in neat loopy letters. I wrote how I felt and throughout the days I wrote what I did. For 3 mornings did I live my cupcake diary dreams. Then I didn't journal. For 6 years - I didn't journal.

In the 9th grade I opened google docs, I was angry hot and mad, I had an essay to write but there were more important things - there I sat in the study hall, just writing the room filled with keyboard clicks - over the span of 30 min I typed up a storm with no breaks, plenty spelling mistakes, spaces and punctuation where it didn't make sense, but the breath of air I took in was more apparent than a forest filled with fresh air.

And for a whole month, I filled that Google doc - I filled it to the point when it would glitch to get to a blank page. After that week of hotness and temper, I tried to get the journaling high - I forced myself to journal every day, but I killed the cat.

I didn't journal until the past few months - my friend told me about rage writing, or writing your emotions on a piece of paper and getting rid of it. I liked the first part of the concept so I tried it out, I would write my filterless emotions may they be happy sad, or mad. I wrote them sloped on the lines and in a sloppy pen with miss spellings and words that are too large that they fight to fit in the lines and some too small that they scream for a pause.

It looked ugly gross nasty and it only came in extensive rants in the span of 5 pages I would go through everything that happened in a month, it wasn't pretty but it was efficient - it was healing. This is what journaling is: a stream of consciousness that was neat, rowdy, and loud, but it never spoke and was never meant to be re-read, just meant to express.

The straightness and orderliness of girlhood have exhausted me, and that's why writing in cute neat lines never lasted more than what I tried for it too. The expression of rage journaling was filthy it wasn't girl-like - it was nasty, unhygienic, it was freeing, it was messy too. Some things I wrote between the lines would guarantee me a nice spot in hell, but I never spoke them so I pray god doesn't hold them against me.

Journaling is a girl's secret it keeps you and the devil separate you don't say the words aloud so he can't hear you, but play with the words whispering them hoping the moment you stuff the book in between your mattress the devil dies.

I would attach some pictures but Pinterest is neat galore and if I took some pictures of my journal, then I forever will be doomed.

Anyways

This, in a way, was a rant

A/N: Hi, I do not own anything. I just had this idea. Sorry if you don't like certain celebrities that I said. I tried to have a range so there at least would be one celeb. Also a oneshot.

Y/N being a famous actress and singer was currently getting ready for an interview with James Corden. She is hoping it would just be an interview, but with James you can never be 100% sure. She put on a sexy sequin lace mesh embroidery backless dress that left very little to imagine.

She sits in the pink room, roaming Instagram, hearting different post. She smiles as she sees a picture of her boyfriend, Shawn. They were currently dating for a year and no one had any idea. It was for the best because they didn't want to deal with media taking things out of proportion.

Y/N being an American Horror Story and being a romantic interest to Evan Peters would not be good for the relationship. She did wished they could be open about their relationship and didn't have to see fans shipping him with Camila Cabello.

Sighing, she hears her name being called. She stood in high heels, wobbling from standing so quickly, makes her way to the stage. She waves and high fives the audience members that were close. She could already picture the surprise on her boyfriend's face since he was helping James out for the week.

" Hello! I can't believe you are actually here. " James said, giving her a hug. " Well, I couldn't deny your invitation. I love your show so I immediately said yes," she replied, glancing at Shawn's shocked face. They both move to sit down, ( Y/N) smoothing out her dress.

" It's amazing that you moved to America from London when you were 16. How do you feel?"

" Homesick at times since most of my family is in London. I'm also grateful for this opportunity to work here and meet some wonderful people. I do go back to London when I'm touring. So it's been a roller coaster from being a simple girl and now going on tours or shooting in movies. It's been fun and I can't wait to see what happens in the future ."

The audience cheers as James looks at the cue cards. " Yes, I understand. We know that you have many and I mean many celebrity crushes," James said, laughing lightly as he watches her blush. " Who is your top 5?"

" Oh, that is hard. I love all of my crushes," she said, glancing at Shawn, wondering if she could say them. She knew he would get jealous at times when she rambled about one of the celebrities.

Shawn nod his head slightly, knowing he can't stop her from answering James. He didn't understand why he didn't know she was going to be on the show. 'She never said anything.'

" Harry Styles would be one because he is simply amazing. I never really listened to one direction, but when he went solo, I was falling. I actually have his album and would listen to it nonstop." Her cheeks flush as she bites her lower lip. Chuckles could be heard in the audience as they knew how that must have felt. " Emma Watson because why not? She is amazing and a role model to other little girls. I grew up with her and always wanted to meet her. "

" Ah, you a Harry Potter fan? You know Shawn is?" James asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Y/N laughs and nods her head as she admits she is a big Harry Potter fan. Shawn could feel his cheeks heat up at the mention of being a fan of Harry Potter. The two of them would always have a marathon with the movie when they both weren't so busy.

" Bill Skarsgård because he is hot. Like I love Cumberbatch, but Skarsgård has more sharp define cheeks. He has a jawline for days," she said, seductively, eyes flutter as she says the line from AHS. Cheers could be heard from the audience when they hear the familiar line. James was laughing at how she said it so wonderfully. " Wow. Amazing. "

Shawn shift as he felt a little jealous that she hasn't mentioned him. He knew that she was trying not to let anything slip about the two, but it still hurtled him listening to her talk about other guys.

" The last two? You are almost done. Then we could move on to the game we are about to play. "

" I would say Tom Holland,but I have a family member who loves him. So for respect to them I won't say him. Let me think. " She ponders, thinking about the last two people she would say. " I feel like if I say any one of my Costars it would be cheating. I do love Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson, Jessica Lange, etc, but I would not count that. "

Her eyes lit up as she knew one person she didn't say. " I can't believe I didn't say his name. Nick Robinson because of Love, Simon. I would watch that movie all the time and always cry for about a good hour or 2 after the movie was done. My boyfriend always asked me why I put myself through the pain. I just love the moive and I love the message behind it," she sniffled, not really thinking about what she just said.

It was silent as Y/N tries to contain her sniffles. She looks at James as he stares at her in shock. Tilting her head, she didn't know what she said wrong. Turning to look at Shawn his face was completely white as if he saw a ghost. " Did you say boyfriend?" James asked, knowing he heard correctly.

Freezing, she stared at Shawn with big doe eyes filled with fright not knowing what to say. She then glance at her manger, Liam. He was shaking his head as if not to say anything about it. " Well, I wouldn't say boyfriend..." she started, trailing off as she didn't know what to say. " We are just really close friends who hang out a lot. Most of my friends tease me about him being my boyfriend. I just say boyfriend so it is easier to introduce him," she said with a shrug, smiling fakely at James.

" That is a load of shit. How can you say you dont have a boyfriend? Maybe, I need to hook you up with Shawn. I mean you are hot, he is hot. The two of you would be smoking together," James said, giving her a look. He turns around to face Shawn to see Shawn's face was completely red. James didn't know if it was from embarrassment or anger.

" Let's move on. " She wiggles in her seat as she tries to get away from the topic. She could already see Shawn's mad face and knew they would fight as soon as they got home. " Lastly, it's hard to pick one more. I mean I love Eddie Redmayne, Nick Kroll, Pete Davidson, Callum Turner, Dylan Minnette and more." She groans as she nibbles on her lower lip a bad habit she picked up when she is nervous. " I guess John Mulaney because he can make me laugh. There is just something about him that can make any awkward conversation into something funny. I feel like it would be amazing to hang out with him. "

James nod as he knows what she is talking about. " Well, that was more then 5. I did make a mistake telling you to only pick 5. Next we are going to play Flinch with Shawn Mendes and Y/N.

After the show Y/N stayed around taking to James because she didn't want to go home yet. James was always laughing and joking which made her feel more calm and relaxed. Her manager came saying they need to get back because she will be busy in the afternoon. The drive was silent between the two, not awkward but a comfortable silence.

" Will you be okay at home? I saw how Shawn looked. "

She turns to her manager and laughs slightly. " I'll be fine. I'll call you if I need you." She slips out as she makes her way to her flat she had. Outside, she could see the lights on and that worried her.

" Shawn?" She asked, entering the flat, dreading what is about to come. Shawn was currently on the couch, arms crossed as he watches the door. " I'm sorry. I didn't mean to slip up. I wasn't thinking. I didnt even know I was going on James's show until to late. Baby, dont give me that look. "

He looked like a kicked puppy, staring with his hazel eyes. " Why didn't you say my name? I can forgive you for slipping up. I can't believe you lied about our relationship. Just friends right?"

Grunting, she takes off her shoes, throwing them to the side. Her hands run through her hair a habit she picked up from Shawn. " I panicked. I knew you didn't want others to know about our relationship. "

" I didn't want that? No! It was you who said to keep it a secret. I want everyone to know we are together. I want to go out on dates with you. Shower you with love! Tell everyone that you are mine." Shawn yelled, getting frustrated.

" I'm sorry, I didn't want others to know. You know how the media will react. Especially, when I'm working with Evan. You could barley watch the little clips I show you. You know a lot of people ship me with Evan. As many fans ship you with Camila."

" I don't care about that. I love you and I am with you. So what. I'm the one that kisses you for real. I'm the one that makes you moan my name," Shawn spoke, moving closer towards her. He leans and captures her lips agaisnt his in a rough kiss. His hands on her hips, bring her closer towards him.

He pulls back, leaving a trail of kisses down her neck. Nibbling as to leave his mark on her. " Everyone is going to know you are with me. " She moans as he bites her sensitive spot. His hands trailing under her dress as he flicks a finger against her clit.

To be continued....

Followers, followers, on the web. What movie is filled with horror and dread? Disney's Snow White! 

Did you know it is TOTALLY different compared to the OG story?

You’ve been beating around the bush since you decided to meet up with Clark today. He’s going on about something, but you can’t hear much. Finally gaining the courage, you blurt it out.

“Clark, I told him.”

“Told him?”

“I told Lex about my secret.”

You could see the change on his face.

“(Y/N)..”

“I know I know, I just felt bad okay. How can I expect him to be honest with me if I’m not honest with him?” You knew letting someone else in on such a secret was risky. With Clark he probably felt like he had to keep hiding who he was. Unlike you, he didn’t get his powers from an explosion, or the meteor shower.

“Don’t worry, I only told him about myself. Your secret is your choice Clark, no one else. Whenever you’re ready, you can tell him.” His shoulders seem to have relaxed more, and he sends you a smile.

“Well it’s Saturday, and I promised Lex I’d meet him at the Talon for coffee.”

“I’m glad you're happy (Y/N).”

"Thank you Clark."

You know more than anything, Clark is protective of you. So you're glad for his support. You know you’ve made the right call. After dealing with that issue, you’re heading to meet up with Lex. You get there, waiting, looking at your watch every few minutes at the time.

Usually he’d at least call if he wasn’t able to make it. But you hadn’t received a text or anything.

“Maybe he just forgot.”

He was a busy man, and you’d often caught him at his desk working when you visited. With a smile, you hold two cups of coffee in your hand. Why not just surprise him. You’re positive if he was consumed in some kind of work, he’d be grateful for the break.

Stepping into the mansion, you look around in confusion. There’s almost always three guards at the door. You didn’t like this. Increasing your steps, your eyes widen at the body you see on the floor. The drinks are tossed away and you run over, you check his pulse shakily. You let out a breath. It was a guard, thankfully he wasn’t dead, just unconscious. Pulling out your phone, you immediately start to dial.

“Put the phone down.” you freeze at the unknown voice.

“Drop it or I’ll drop you.”

“Okay, okay.” The item that’s pressed to your back is definitely a gun. You drop your phone and turn. The male isn’t someone you recognize. You eye him cautiously. Tall, dark hair, green eyes.

“Follow me.”

So you do. You take slow steps as he guides you into the main room of the mansion. The minute those double doors open, your heart drops. Lex is seated in his usual spot, but there is another man there with a gun of his own. The smile on the other man’s face is wide.

“Who do we have here?” He looks you over, and Lex’s body tense.

“Let her go, she’s just a maid.” The man next to him chuckles, pressing the gun to his head.

“Nice try, no way she’s just some maid.”

“John, stop playing around, we have business to do!” Your captor yells.

“Calm down Casey, let me have a little fun why don’t you. It’s not everyday we get to rob a billionaire. Especially Lex Luthor. Can you believe it?” John still has his gun pointed as he gestures to the computer laid in front of Lex.

“Get to it Luthor.”

“I’ll do this, but first you let her leave.”

“How stupid do you think I am. You really think I’ll let her go while we’re doing this.” You hear the click of his gun and you want to move, but the weapon is directly on Lex’s head. Even with your speed, you wouldn’t make it if he pulled the trigger. You know Lex’ recognizes that. It’s why you’re a little pissed that he’s trying so hard to get you out of there. He was the one in the most danger in this situation.

“Transfer the money Lex, or my friend here will put a bullet in your little girlfriend. “ Lex’s jaw is clenched.

“Alright.”

You really wish Clark was here, or you had some type of distraction. If you could just get him a few meters away from Lex you could easily take him. In this instance, you may have to be your own hero today.

“You must think we’re dumb too, like hell are you gonna just let us leave once you have the money. “ Lex’s eyes hardened at you. You know he’s against whatever it is you’re about to do.

“(Y/N)!!”

John laughs. “No, let her talk, what exactly do you think is gonna happen sweetheart’” He moves from his spot, trailing closer to you. Casey looks a bit pissed.

“Would you stop screwing around, get the money!”

“Wait, I want to hear this. “

Despite the rapid increase of your heart, you will yourself to keep going. “I’ve already seen your faces, and I know your name.” Your eyes stay firmly planted on him.

“That’s right, just a little closer. "

He watches you for a second, then looks back at Lex. “ Are you planning something?” You tense.

“N-No you dumbass, didn’t you hear me!” He paces back to Lex.

“Let’s see how big your mouth is gonna be now. You barely have time to process anything because he’s too close, way too close to Lex, and that’s when you hear the gunshot. Lex’s body hits the ground and your body has gone completely still. There’s blood.

So much blood.

“You...shot him. “

He’s now standing at a distance, laughing at Lex’s body on the floor.

“You never should have-” You aren’t sure why, but you suddenly feel weightless. The next few steps that you take, the man behind you is thrown back. His body hits the wall, and you hear a pained grunt. The one in front of you looks completely terrified.

“W-What the hell!” you're in front of him before he can fire his gun, He still takes a shot, but every bullet goes through your vibrating body, hitting the wall. When he runs out, he backs up, stricken with fear. You walk slowly, painfully slow, each step is like another taunt. You raise a hand, and it’s the only thing vibrating now.

“You killed him..” John’s back is against the wall, hands raised,

“L-Listen okay I’m sorry it wasn’t personal I was just-

“Not personal.”

You tilt your head, and his fear increases tenfold at the dangerous red glow that is now reflected in your eyes.

“This is personal.”

Your distorted voice echoes as you move to drive your palm right into his chest.

You halt when a hand grabs your wrist. You turn your head, teeth clenched tight.

“Lex..”

He’s standing upright, and his lower abdomen is stained with blood. You blink a few times, and you guess whatever had scared John so much is gone, because Lex wears a weak smile as he places a hand on your cheek.

“You’re not a killer, so stop...please…”

The pain is clear on his face. And the second you blink, he can no longer support himself. His body gives out and you rush forward, grabbing him as you slide to the floor. John is too afraid to move. Still terrified, possibly in shock from how close he’d come to being impaled.