#sebcore

[Text]:

I was in a hospital today and I saw this cute guy with a cast on his leg and my first thought was

RB Seb!! inspo was those pics of him playing guitar 🎸 Included them below

first and foremost got my name legally changed !! thank fuck for that (it is not in fact seb but that obviously will remain my name here)

scheduled top surgery?? dec 27 babey!!

an uncle as of yesterday (which frankly should’ve happened ages ago, it’s the vibe i’ve been portraying for years)

erm actually that’s pretty much it but. 3 very exciting things so needed to share them :)

Manhood feels like something being constantly denied to me. Often I find myself denying myself what would make me happy in an attempt to better my access to it. I should not have to pry it from invisible fingers. It is not a finite resource and it is not something I seek a secondhand copy of. Manhood for Sebastian Wells is not what it is for any other man. Manhood does not exclude pink nail polish or pretty things. Those things make me happy and they are part of my manhood. But passing is another issue entirely. It is important to me because feeling ill every time I’m in public because countless eyes seeing a girl is damaging. Being treated as other, as an imitation-less-than makes me struggle to be myself in public. If I leave my house in pink nail polish it’s just one more reason for someone to see me as masquerade rather than man. And eventually I hope this will change. Years on T should make going outside authentically something I can do, something I don’t struggle with. I’ll be able to read as the feminine gay man I am. But for now I feel like a thief putting on a costume. What cis gay man would accept me as a fellow gay man? Would not just see a girl making a mockery of him? I do not want to not be trans or to be stealth everywhere. I just want to read as a man in passing. This entry gets no satisfying conclusion because I have no answer. But I want to paint my nails.

2/12/19