#scrying pool

Commander does not know if this is a good idea. She’d only recently come out of the years-long funk that Trahearne’s death had started, but she is wiser for it. She knows it might be good for her to see him again, even in a memory. But how will it work, going into my own memory?

Commander does not lack a memento. She carries two on her at any given time - both of her weapons. Caladbolg, of course, and the Pact bow that Trahearne had given her after Zhaitan’s defeat. Her Pact rank pin might work, as well.

But again - is going into a memory of Trahearne… wise? She has by no means forgotten him, but leaving painful memories alone and living for the future, not the past… Trahearne would prefer her to focus on Bangar and Jormag. On mentoring Braham and Taimi.

It would be like a chance to say goodbye, at long last. Finally put this pain to rest. The vision with Caladbolg - so many years ago, now - hadn’t been timely. Commander had been angry, frustrated, resentful - at everything and everybody. She hadn’t been ready to say goodbye.

But now… now she is more than ready. But do I need to? The real transition was when she stopped fighting for the past - for Trahearne’s memory, for his legacy of someday we will kill the last of them, just because HE said it - and started truly fighting for the future, for only then will Tyria be safe. She fights now for Braham, and Taimi, and Rytlock and Crecia - for Jhavi and the Vigil, now leaderless - for Eveanin, still so young, for Canach, who needs to lighten up a little… she fights for the future. Instead of pursuing a desperate revenge fueled by hate and fear and loss, that barely made any sense because Mordremoth was already dead.

Do I need to say goodbye?

Commander doesn’t know. She wants to - oh, she wants to, longs to speak to him one last time, even in memory when he can’t reply, can’t ever know it. But as Commander looks into the pool, wondering if - if she did go in - would she ever come out again? Aurene might drag her out, but then she’d be just as much a mess as she was before, unable to lead in this troubling time.

Or maybe, she would come out again. But she’d go back, again and again. She’d be addicted to it, need it like medicine. Need to hear Trahearne’s words of hope again.

I… I might not be strong enough for that.

Commander grimaces, twining her hand through the fur on Beorn’s back. She’d only just recently become able to admit weakness to herself, instead of bottling it up and trying to ignore it, trying to pretend she was perfect and a strong Commander. But she’d learned - or maybe Aurene had taught her, or Taimi, shown her that pretending just makes it worse in the end. Good thing, too, or my recent injury would have stolen all my self-confidence and left me with shame in front of my allies. No… my friends.

Maybe she can be Trahearne to her friends. She can be hope and a future to them, and maybe teach them to move on if she dies, instead of getting caught in the mire of grief like she was.

Commander stands up, slowly. Maybe some other time. Later. When things calm down a little. She turns and walks away from the Scrying Pool, Beorn at her side, Caladbolg on her back, and her friends awaiting her direction. I’ve come so far.

Besides… maybe normal memory is better, anyway. She can travel to the places her memories actually happened, explore old places anew at her own pace. Normal memory is hers, after all, and she treasures it.

“Hey, uh, Commander?” Rytlock says as she passes him.

“Yeah?”

“I, uh… I know you were close to Almorra. It… couldn’t’ve been easy, seeing her die.”

“It wasn’t. But I’ll be fine. Thanks, Rytlock.”

“No problem, Commander. You know we’re here if you need it.”

“Getting all soft and emotional, Rytlock?” Commander teases.

“No! It’s just that… well, Logan would skin me if I didn’t look after his Hero of Shaemoor.”

“Nice to know you still care,” Commander grins. Well. It’s not Logan’s fault he’s not as awesome as Trahearne… but he still tries. He’s still a friend.

“Commander, there you are!” Eveanin calls, hurrying over. “I haven’t seen you since you came back wounded from that fight with Bangar! Are you okay? You look too cheerful. Is something wrong? Are you hiding something?”

Commander frowns. “Where did you learn to read me so well?”

“Experience. I’ve been your student for eight years, Commander, and you’ve eluded me enough times. I’ve got you now.”

“Ah, well, I truly am sorry, then. I’ve just changed again. But look on the bright side; Bangar murdered Almorra, so now we get to go kill him.”

“Wait, seriously?” Eveanin gapes. “Bangar killed her?”

“Bangar killed her. After trying to delegate to Ryland, who refused.”

“Well, good for him, then,” Eveanin snarls.