#scribbler thoughts

I hope that both the above mentioned blogs do great!

Thanks

Hi bro!

Sorry, this is the second time I am writing this answer, Tumblr malfunction deleted the first draft of it without posting it.

First off, thank you so much for taking such interest in Antraatman! Please don’t apologize, do ask more questions like these!

Coming to your question, it is a matter of perspective. The events in the epic are narrated in a very impersonal manner, in such a way that there is some detachment between the reader and the characters.

However, while writing Antraatman, I write as Arjun, I put myself in his place, I try to feel what he must have felt. For example, when Ekalavya came and everyone lauded him, how would Arjun have felt? Baffled, confused, hurt? I let myself feel those emotions and let the words flow. When Karna gatecrashed Rangabhoomi, what would Arjun, the boy coming into the flush of ‘manhood’ think? Wouldn’t he be angry? His pride hurt? How would he react? What would he think? These questions lie behind each line of Antraatman.

Coming to Varnavrat, before I started writing this book, it was an incident that felt like a moral horizon, that is all. Today, it still feels like a moral horizon to an extent, but I feel like I understood what the Pandavas felt. Because when writing, I did not look at the scene with the impartial eyes of an observer, I looked at that scene, as well as its prelude, with Arjun’s eyes. The eyes of a boy whose family was in danger of death. In those long days, what would that boy see? What would he feel? What would he think? Wouldn’t he feel like he is being boxed in, hunted? What would he do to cope? By the time Kunti commands Bheem to set fire to the palace, what would Arjun be thinking? Wouldn’t he be conflicted? Why did he do what he did? He had a reason, a rationalization for the reason. His survival, and his family’s survival.

I do not make excuses for what Arjun did, but I can understand why he did that. Before Antraatman, I could not understand the same. That is what I meant.

Similarly, as a reader of the epic, Bheem/Hidimbi was hardly more than a footnote for me. 

While writing Antraatman, however, a legion of questions arise. What kind of a dynamic was Bheem/Hidimbi, something that started with Hidimbi falling in love but Bheem threatening to kill her? What are the cultural differences between the Kurus and Hidimbi’s people, called the ‘Rakshasas? What prejudices did Arjun and his family carry intrinsically with them, who thought those people below human? How would these prejudices affect the dynamics? How would Arjun react, with horror, or acceptance, or will he travel a spectrum of reactions? How would Bheem react? How do I characterize Arjun and Bheem here? When Bheem is with Hidimbi, what do the others do, while ‘roaming the jungles’, as said in canon? What will they require in everyday life, how will they acquire these things? 

I’m still wrestling with these questions as I write the story. 

Writing Antraatman makes me read deeper into the epic, with the eyes of a writer extracting information, not a casual reader. That causes many perspective changes, brings in a new element of understanding, as does writing a first-person PoV novel, as it brings a element of closeness.

Advance warning: I'm gonna start two separate series of posts, which I hope I'll update regularly (read: at least thrice in a week)

1. Studyblr- YouTube videos on my revision topics.

2. Trying to canon analyse every episode of StarMBH.

Wish me luck, friends!

I hope I come out of this with my phone intact.

Meta entry for @teambaahubali summer challenge: Amarendra Baahubali’s entry scenes in Baahubali 2. (Warning- There are a lot of them).

At the start of Baahubali 2, Amarendra Baahubali enters as an avatar that we have already met. The devoted son. The amazing warrior, in control of everything, even mad elephants. The Baahu who would stand between his mother and an elephant just so that his mother completes her yaatra. The beloved of the people. Even the elephant bows before him. He is victorious and glowing.

The second entry of Amarendra Baahubali is one that is least expected. He literally enters Kuntala as a blockheaded idiot, and yet manages to win hearts. One heart in particular. Devasena’s. Devasena suspects that there is something more to the idiot than it seems to be (Baahu is seriously pathetic at acting). From outright statements to lullabies, Devasena tries everything to lure her hidden warrior out.

In the end, it is not Devasena, but the Pindari who succeed in bringing Baahubali out of hiding. He transitions smoothly back to the battle commander, helping the Kuntalans ably. The entry scene I am talking about, however, happens when an irate Devasena attacks Baahu with a firebrand. His simple clothes burn away, revealing his impressive armor; a parallel, in my opinion, to his disguise of “Shivu” burning away in the heat of battle to reveal Amarendra Baahubali. This scene also tells us of Devasena’s character. When the entire Kuntalan congregation is on their knees to Baahu, even Jayasena, Devasena refuses to bow, standing straight and tall. Her pride and self-esteem come across beautifully here, as does her passion for Baahu.

Baahu makes yet another statement and transition when he draws his sword against his mother’s words and defends Devasena, honoring his oath. He transitions from Sivagami’s dutiful son to a man upholding his honor and his heart. A man who will not be swayed, for all that he may lose his rights. (Though he still stays the dutiful son)

Another entry moment that Baahu has is at the trial of Devasena. His posture then is that of an agitated man trying to control himself. The way his hand grips the pommel of his sword, it’s obvious that he wants to cut through the chains. And yet, he restrains himself until he has proof of Sethupathy’s guilt. Baahubali reveals his protective nature yet again.

When Baahu and Devasena are exiled, he has another “entry moment”. He strips himself of his royal ornaments and truly becomes a man of the people, living with them, helping them in truth. He stays loyal to Mahishmati in spirit, the oath he took as the commander not so long ago. ‘I will even give my life to safeguard Mahishmati’s people.’  Baahu becomes more human here.

Last but not the least. Baahu’s last doomed ‘entry scene’ as he canters up to the stake where Kattappa is tied. His trust in his family is heartbreaking here, as are the lengths he is prepared to go to for Kattappa’s sake. He overrides Kattappa’s pleas to leave him alone, because Baahu thinks of Kattppa as a father. And the line “There is no man alive who can defeat me as long as I have you at my side.” The calm certainty with which he says it is everything Baahu is. Noble, innocent, trusting and doomed. He was indeed too good for this world.

That’s it for my meta!

Signing off

Nila.

@teammahishmati.

My meta entry for @teambaahubali‘s Summer Challenge! Week 1: Parichay.

At first glance, Sivagami and Kattappa are very different characters, yet I find them strangely similar at several points, mainly because both Sivagami and Kattappa are fiercely devoted to the throne of Mahishmati, each in their own way. I feel that their entry scenes encapsulate that beautifully, both the one in the present timeline, as well as the flashback. The movie opens with Sivagami staggering in, and there is a sense of pathos in that scene. It is obvious when you look closely that she is a woman of influence, for, in those times, only such women would have dressed so. Her posture itself seems imperious, commanding. She has a baby in her arms, and is sorely wounded because of an arrow, yet she soldiers on. Her defining character moment is her perseverance here. She would fight fate to accomplish what she wishes to, it is evident in the scene. It is made even clearer that Sivagami is a daring fighter when the soldiers attack her. Her response shows that she is quite sharp, and can anticipate events before they occur. Here, I did wonder: what caused her to be unaware enough to be backstabbed? That niggling suspicion remained throughout the movie for me, at least, until she believed that Bhalla would indeed be content with a palace. That was the moment of realization for me, that Bhalla was her blind spot. But, hey, I diverged from the point of interest. Once she defeats the soldiers, she falls into water. Even though she is unable to swim, she fights with all her might against the current. Here, she also makes quite an impressive monologue addressed to the Gods. She says that she has sinned, but that her life should be enough to atone for it. That Mahendra Baahubali must live at any cost. For the Kingdom that awaited him. For his mother. From this, it is evident that Sivagami is a royal woman and there has been treason of some sort that she holds herself guilty for. What it was, is a matter that is unearthed later. Sivagami defies everything that works against her to the end, she manages to keep Mahendra afloat even as the life is draining out of her. I got the impression that she is a very formidable woman in this sequence.

Sivagami also has another entry scene in the same movie.  This one is not of a Sivagami bowed down by guilt, this is her coming into her element. The scene opens with rebels planning a coup, refusing to “follow a woman.” Sivagami glides in (power-walks in, more like) baby in hand. The alacrity with which people obey her shows that she is a woman who commands respect. She asks the loyalists to stand by her side, unflinching. Some few people go to her side, and the rebel leader orders her and her son killed. The man who got the order kills the conspirators instead, then salutes Sivagami, hand over his heart. The rebel leader tries to kill Sivagami and her son, and Sivagami is quick on the defense, ably taking control of the situation. Whoa. Woman power! She demonstrates here that she has a fine grasp of politics, a fine and subtle way of controlling any situation. She also displays an innate sense of fairness when she states that the throne belongs to the better of “her sons”, I could see shades of Kunti and Gandhari in her, the way she accepted Baahu as her son, and the sense of righteousness that gave him equal rights. She handles an irate Bijjala with ease, seriously, I love the way she puts him down. And then that iconic Sivagami line “En sol en kattalai, en kattalaiye saasanam.” Translated: “My word is my law, my law an ordiance.” That one line speaks so much about her. Her confidence, her self-assurance, everything is clear in that line. Overall, a mass entrance!

Kattappa’s entrance, on the other hand, as badass as it is, has a sense of servility in it. He enters when the bull has almost gored Bhalla, putting himself in harm’s way for his King. He gets injured for his pains, and Bhalla commends him for his loyalty in a typical Bhalla way. He says “Dog, you want to kill me, and yet you save my life.” Here, there is a hint at a backstory. Kattappa has a reason to kill Bhalla and yet is honoring his oath to him. When Bhalla gives Kattappa a boon, he asks Bhalla to “free the mother from her pain of the last 25 years”. So I get the feeling that Kattappa is close to whoever “the mother” is. Who ends up being Devasena, Mahendra Baahubali’s mother. I get the feeling that Kattappa wants to free her, but is unable to, because of his oath. So, at this juncture, this entrance, there is the same sense of pathos surrounding Kattappa that surrounded Sivagami when she staggered on screen.

Kattappa too, has a second entry scene. A scene that happens almost simultaneously to Sivagami’s. When she calls out “Kattappa!” in that hall full of rebels, Kattappa vaults into their presence. He’s a formidable warrior, and seems fiercely devoted to Sivagami, but here, too, that sense of pathos is largely absent. This is a Kattappa proud of the person he serves, a Kattappa helping righteousness on its way, not a Kattappa bowed down by grief, but one coming into his element.

I find Sivagami and Kattappa to be interesting personality foils. Sivagami is always in control of herself, someone who has a very strong personality, who is sure of herself and her authority. Kattappa, as respected as he might be (he does seem to command a certain amount of respect), as strong a warrior he might be, is always bowed down in servility, bound to the oath of his ancestors, and nothing illustrates that better than their entry scenes, which form their parichay for the moments to come.

That’s it for my meta, I hope it’s okay for the event!

@chaanv, thanks a lot, Surbhi di, for teaching me to make GIF’s! 

Tagging @teambaahubali @teammahishmati

Signing off, 

In a lot of fandoms, (especially the ASOIAF fandom, as far as I have seen), the accusations of someone being racist, ableist, sexist, etc. are rampant. 

While yeah, some of the people so accused may actually be racist, or sexist, or ableist, others might themselves be dealing with racism/sexism/ableism in their own everyday life. Such accusations are, frankly, as far as I am concerned, baseless, especially if it is in response to actual, text-based, critical criticism of a character/person. If a person who is actually racist is called out as such, I don’t have a problem (nor, I think, would anyone else), but if I criticize your favourite character and I’m suddenly ableist because I don’t agree with you, then I am sorry, this is not my problem, it is yours. This post might sound “passive aggressive” to some people, but, frankly, I don’t care.

I make this post to state that I’ll stand firm in my opinion, as long as I am not proven wrong.

I make this post because there are many people unfairly accused of being sexist, or ableist, while they actually dislike a character for valid reasons.

I make this post so that people such as those who harass others calling them names and labelling them “sexist” or “ableist” might get a memo: Newsflash-Just because I/anyone else disagree with you, doesn’t mean that we are ableist, or sexist.

Hello, 2019! To all the wonderful peeps out here, here’s a thought to start 2019 off with: Normal does not exist. It’s just an average of all of us, so it’s nothing to run behind, for I’m sure none of us are, or want to be, average.

Instead, let’s just be ourselves! We’re all worth it.

Here’s to 2019, where my New Year’s Resolutions are these:

1. Learn to accept myself. Do not forget to grow.

2. Write a little everyday.

3. Restart work on the Last Romanovs, my novel.

This list does not include academic stuff. That’s different.