An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural)
Additional Tags: Mentioned Charlie Bradbury, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Sacrifice Dean Winchester, Scared Dean Winchester, Crying Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Dragon Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt No Comfort, Fear of Death, Licking, Crying, Metaphors, Suptober (Supernatural), Suptober 2025 (Supernatural)
Series: Part 7 of Suptober 2025
Summary:
Everyone is somehow curious to look death in it's eyes and stare at it, while it prepares it's scythe and cuts of your head. Death might be kind to those who are not afraid and who are prepared to die, but does a person like that even exist? If so, Dean is not that person. The death won't be kind to him. But despite that, he opens his eyes.
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I'm not supposed to be weak, ain't in my job description. Taking care of my brother and making sure civilians are safe? That's my whole resume right there. I'm the one who's gotta keep on keepin' on; I'm s'posed to kill the things in the shadows, not be scared of the dark, dammit. Really can't afford to be losin' what little I got left of my mind.
In the middle of the night, parched and hollow as deadwood, skin stretched too far over whiskey-brittle bones and vibrating, humming, like ominous magic fingers on a bed of barren fucking death.
He always knows though. Every time. Even when I hide it from myselfâI've spent a lifetime of burying shit but the damn angel, Casâyeah, he always knows.
Just like I know he always watches me sleep.
But when he ain't around, those desolate times, that's when he shows up in my dreams.
When the world is slipping away though shaking, dog-tired fingers and all the sneering and the screaming is too loud? That's when he's impossibly there, always, holding me up with defiant strength⊠a cool hand to the back of my neck and grace-warmed breath at my temple; always with words that aren't quite words, not quite leaving dried lavender lips.
It's alright to be frightened, he speaks soundlessly, it's human and it's good. And you? You are good, Dean. You need to know I've got you. You need to know I've always got you and that I'll always have you and that I'm never, not ever, letting go.
Those times I'm not okay, like, really not even fucking close, at least I know bone-deep down it's not quite as dire as it could be because. Because knowing he's out there, somewhereâCastiel, who saved me from hellâyeah,knowing Cas is always out there, always watching over me? That'sâwell, it's almost enough.
Used to call him a creeper 'cause I'm a asshole. How could I tell him I was fucking terrified? Terrified that one day he might stop watching me. Didn't want thatâcan't handle that. Don't want it to stop. Not ever. Not ever. I need him, need his presence, alwaysâcorporeal or not. Cas is solid. He's like a mountain, even when he's just a whisper. Even when he ain't really there, he's still always, always there. Because he knows I'll always need him. Always.
But does he know? Does Cas know how much I want him? How much I always and will always want him?
Always
     Always
          Always
_____________________________
for @reallyelegantsharkfish... i'm certainly no angel but I got you <3
15 and 19 in the same fic. 15 is Sam to Dean, after Deanâs girlfriend leaves. Then I am torn with 19. Does Dean say it at the beginning and that is what makes her leave, or is this what he says when she comes back?
Love is Scary
A/N: I loved this prompt!! I hope you are happy with where i took it!!! and boy did I take itâŠ
âYou are fucked up, Dean!â You screamed as you started from your room and towards the exit of the bunker.
âWhere are you going?!â Dean hollered after you as Sam poked his head out from the library.
âIâm leaving. Just like you want. Donât try and stop me.â You looked over the top of the railing into the bunker at the two brothers. âYou did this to yourself.â You said without shouting. Then turned around and left the bunker.
âWhat the hell dude?â Sam asked his brother as the echo from the door died.
âStay out of it.â Dean huffed before he sulked back to his room.
Weeks went by and you didnât come back. Dean was moodier than ever. And Sam recognized the direct relation between how long you were gone and how bad Dean was acting. But it all came to a head when Dean came stumbling in after a hunt that he had taken alone.
âDude! What happened?â Sam cried as he grabbed a towel and scrambled toward Dean.
âI thought there was only one or two. It was a whole freaking hive. I got jumped. Barely made it out by the skin of my teeth.â Dean brushed the towel Sam was holding away. âGet that away from me. Iâm fine.â Dean sighed.
âStop pretending youâre okay, cause I know youâre not.â Sam cried in frustration. He grabbed his brother and pressed the towel to a gaping wound. âEver since Y/N left you have been reckless and it seems like you are trying to get yourself killed. What the hell happened between you two?â
Dean sighed heavily looking away from his brother, then pulled a ziplock bag from his jacket pocket and handed it to Sam. Sam was looking at a small white stick with two pink lines.
âY/Nâs pregnant?â Sam asked looking up from the baggie. âAnd you let her leave?!â Anger was rising in the younger Winchester. A tear slipped down Deanâs cheek.
âWorse.â He choked. âI yelled at her. I pushed her away.â Dean couldnât even look at Sam. âI was so scared I didnât know what to do. And she seemed so happy. I knew that it wouldnât last long. Not with our life, not withâŠâ He sobbed unable to finish.
âNot with you.â Sam offered, gently. His earlier angered had died down greatly as he felt for his brother. âDude when Jess died, I didnât want to be with anyone because I thought I was cursed. But that is not the way that we need to go through life. You need to fix what happened.â
âI donât think I can,â Dean whispered. âI donât even know where to find her.â
âLucky for you,â Sam smirked, âThat Bobby imparted his paranoia on us.â Dean looked at Sam with hopeful curiosity. âIâve been tracking her for about a week after she left.
Dean stood in front of your motel door, with butterflied in his belly. He was so nervous that you werenât even going to give him the time to hear him out.
âDean?â You asked as you opened the door after he had knocked. âWhat are you doing here.â
âI came to tell you Iâm sorry. For everything, I said to you when you told me you⊠When you told me about the baby. I panicked. And it was wrong.â He looked down at his shoes, not wanting to see the rejection on your face.
âWhy did you panic?â You asked quietly.
âI think Iâm in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me,â Dean answered looking up at you.
âSo you and Sam talked then.â You grinned gently. Seeing the smile on your face was all Dean could take and he threw his arms around you kissing you passionately. When the kiss ended he leaned his forehead against yours and let one of his hands caress your barely-there baby belly.
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New chapter up this morning! So glad that I have one up in a timely manner!Â
Also, I just wanted to let everyone know (and I know itâll be said at the end of the chapter) that these next few weeks will be super busy because of this class Iâm in. All of my weekends are full, but the weekdays are filled as well with preparation and mental breakdowns, so being able to sit down and write will be tough to do.
You watched as he shot up from behind the car, heaving a deep breath and rearranging his features into an expression of nonchalance.Â
You raised your eyebrows at him. âWhat was that?â
He shrugged and pulled a casual frown, feigning indifference. âWhat? I donât know.â
You narrowed your eyes at him and watched him spin around when there was a sound farther off in the warehouse. The realization hit you. âOh my God. Dean Winchester is actually freaked out... Is this real life?â
He scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. âI am not. I donât know what the hell youâre--â
You laughed. âWow. Youâre really bad at hiding it, Dean. And youâve never been able to lie to me effectively. Iâm not Sam, okay?â
He glared at you. âIâm not--Itâs just got me on edge because thereâs no--there arenât any windows in here. Itâs too.... closed,â his voice was even more gruff than usualÂ
You widened your eyes at him again. âToo closed?â You smirked. âNice try.â You walked over and snatched the piece of paper he was holding that had the needed info scribbled down on it in his scrawling hand. âDonât worry. Iâll take the lead on the next part, hot rod,â you said, smiling at him, nudging him a little with your elbow.
He frowned back at you and muttered under his breath as he followed you through the warehouse. âI can do it...â
