#crying!dean

Dean P.O.V.

 Hands covered in blood.

The knife covered in blood.

Clothes covered in blood.

 Y/N covered in blood.

 There are bodies laying in the alley, one of them is Y/N.

She didn’t scream, she knows better. She’s a hunter. But, damn do I wish she had screamed. Maybe I would’ve found her faster… Maybe she wouldn’t be sitting in some back alley covered in blood from head to toe.

The scary part is that, for the life of me, I don’t know if I want the blood to be hers or not.

 I take off running as fast as I can to get to her, but it feels like I’m running in sand and I just can’t get there fast enough.

           “Y/N!!!” I’m screaming her name and when I finally get to her she’s shaking. I fall to my knees in front of her and grip her shoulders.

           “Y/N, what happened? What did you do?!” I know I sound harsh, but I’m terrified.

But she must not recognize me because she swings her knife at me. I barely reacted enough for her to miss my throat as I stumble back.

           Wait.

I know that knife? I gave her that knife when we first got together. Yeah, it’s a silver bladed pocket knife. She loved it because it was “just the right amount of girly,” with the hummingbird and flower image on both sides. Geeze, she did all this damage with a pocket knife? Normally I’d say, ‘that’s my girl’ but these aren’t monsters... 

           “Y/N, sweetheart? It’s me, honey, it’s Dean. Baby, look at me, look at my eyes. Please. Come back to me…” I plead with her as I reach for her again. But she shuffles back and lands on her ass as she tries to scoot away.

She’s scared of me. Oh, please no, she can’t be afraid of me.

           “Y/N… Sweetheart, don’t be scared. I’m not gonna hurt you.” Y/N goes crazy, she jumps at me, swinging her blade, and screaming. Then she just stops and collapses on top of me.

           “Y/N??? Y/N!!!”

           “It’s alright Dean, I took care of her. She’s just sleeping. I apologize, but she seemed out of control?” Cas. Of course.

           “No, it’s okay. Thanks Cas.” I picked her up bridal style after flipping her knife closed and slipping it in my pocket. She wouldn’t want to lose it.

Y/N P.O.V.

 There are bodies all around me, humans, civilians, innocents, whatever word you want to use. I killed them… I gutted them all.

I’m covered in blood and none of it’s mine.

How the hell did this happen?!

*Flashback to two hours ago.*

We were on a werewolf hunt, but we solved it within two days, got the bastards. Dean says it was one of the easiest hunts he’s been on but Sam isn’t sure… He’s worried that we missed something because it was almost too easy. It’s funny that that’s what’s going through my mind right now.

I’m on my way from the motel to the bar where Dean’s waiting for me to have drinks, “C’mon babe, let’s celebrate! It’ll be awesome!”

I wanted to shower so I decided to just meet him there, bad decision number one so far.

Anyway, I’m walking down the street when I hear it, this low throaty growl. I stop and turn down the alley.

           “Dammit. Should’ve brought my freakin’ gun. Stupid skirt.” I’m grumbling as I flick my knife open. There was five of them, well five and the girl. She was on the ground with her shirt torn open and four of them were laughing as one was…

I should’ve known they were human.

Dammit.

           “WHAT THE FUCK?! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER YOU DICKS!!” I’m screaming because I’m so unbelievably angry.

They turn on me and next thing I know I’m on the ground with four sets of boot prints in my ribs. Bad decision number two here I come.

All I see is red and I start slashing and swinging and stabbing in every direction. The fifth one must’ve seen me putting up a fight, and winning, because when I finally stopped there were five bodies around me… I guess I should’ve known that they weren’t werewolves, the silver didn’t burn them. So, why didn’t I stop?

This must be what shock feels like. It has to be.

My hands are sticky, what is that? Holy crap. Is that… Is that blood?

Oh, no…

Who are these guys?!

What did I do?

What did I do?!

What the hell did I DO?!

I hear something, something’s grabbing me, I start swinging. Then, nothing.

 When I woke up I was back in the bunker. Geeze, how long was I out?

           “Three days.” Sam, thank God. Wait, did I say that out loud?

           “Sam? What happened? I mean, I know what happened to me, but then what? How did I get back here? What’s going on? Where’s Dean? Sam?” I don’t remember, UGH why don’t I remember how I got here? Then Sam is coming to sit next to me. Wait.

It’s just Sam, so why did I flinch? Why did he scare me?

           “Y/N, it’s gonna be alright. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Sam raised both of his hands, palms out as if I was a scared dog, but I’m not scared of him. At least, I don't think I am... He placed a hand on my knee and then Sam told me what I missed… What happened when Dean found me, Cas knocking me out, Dean freaking out because I wouldn’t wake up, Sam saying it was shock and then Dean… Wait, where is Dean?

           “Wait, where’s Dean?”

Sam looked uncomfortable, but that doesn’t make any sense? “Sam, what’s going on?”

           “Y/N… He’s on a hunt… He said it was a milk run, so he’ll be back soon.” He said the last part so fast it was kind of hard for me to understand. But I got it, loud and clear.

           “Oh.” I’m not sure how I feel about Dean leaving while I was knocked out. Anger I think? But honestly, I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t really anything. “Listen, Sam, I’m pretty hungry. Do you think you could scrounge me up something to eat?”

           “Of course! I’m glad you’re feeling good enough for food. I’ll see what I can scrounge up, be right back.”

As soon as Sam left I found my phone and called Dean. Voicemail…

           “…Uhm, hey Dean… It’s Y/N. Uh, I’m awake now and I was kind of hoping to see you soon. But Sam says you're on a hunt. Be safe, please... Hum, So hurry back, yeah? I miss you just a little. Oh and call me so I know you’re alive?” I just sort of sat there and stared at my phone until Sam came back with a tray of food.

           “Wow Sam, that’s enough food for an army.” This tray has two sandwiches, an orange, 2 bags of chips, and juice. Sam looks so happy with himself that I just can’t help but laugh. He sat the tray down on my bed and ran a hand through his hair.

           “Yeah, well, I just wanted you to have some options. So I’m assuming you called Dean as soon as I walked out, what’d he say?” My laughter immediately stopped and my face fell.

           “Well, I don’t know. He didn’t answer. Where was he headed anyway?” Sam looked embarrassed but of course he knew more than me, I was unconscious!

           “Well when I talked to him last it was a spirit in Idaho, but the more I think about it the more the research says otherwise. I don’t know, I talked to him like two hours ago so I’ll have to call him again later.”

           “You talked to him two hours ago? So he is avoiding me. Typical Dean.” I was trying to laugh it off but I could tell Sam wasn’t buying it, so I ate what I could then told Sam I was tired so he would leave me alone. Honestly, I just wanted to wallow in my self pity of Dean ignoring me…

Three days. Three freaking days. Dean has been talking to Sam this whole time, but every time he tries to hand me the phone, Dean is magically to busy and has to go.

When he gets back, I’m gonna shoot him. Maybe a few times.

Five days. The prodigal douche-bag returns. Turns out, it was a ghost and a bitch of one at that. But did I hear any of this from Dean? Hell no. I’m sick of this avoiding crap. I’m storming through the bunker, tearing this place apart when I find Sam.

           “Sam, you better make yourself scarce because when I find Dean. I will kill him.” Sam’s jaw dropped as he nodded, but he quickly went to his room and shut the door. “Dean. Dean! DEAN. You better get your ass out here because I’m so beyond pissed right now.” When I finally found him he was in the dungeon, cleaning the weapons there.

            “What. The. Hell. You didn’t hear me calling you for the past thirty minutes? What about the past five days? I don’t know what’s wrong, what I did to piss you off while I was UNCONCIOUS, but maybe you could clue me in? I’ve been patient and trying so damn hard to not let this get to me but I can’t do it anymore.” The whole time I was talking, Dean never looked up… Just kept cleaning and sharpening, not saying a word or making a sound.

           “Yes? No? Do you have a fucking opinion Dean?!” Still, nothing. “Dean, so help me. If you don’t answer me…” With that his eyes snapped to mine and he cut me off before I could finish your sentence.

           “Maybe you should go.” His eyes bore into mine, and man… Did I miss those beautiful green eyes. His words shocked me, leaving had never crossed my mind. Is that what he thought? That I wanted to leave him? Or did he want me to leave… At this thought it felt like all the blood drained from my body and the air left my lungs.

           “What?” It came out as a whisper and my throat felt like sandpaper rubbing together. “Is that what you want?” He stared at me for what felt like hours before his eyes dropped to the knife in his hands, returning to the cleaning.

           “It’s what’s best. You’re a liability Y/N, I mean you couldn’t fight off humans and you think I’d let you have my back? Or Sam’s? Hell no.” He never even looked up. Dean had just destroyed me and he never even looked up. He knew that this was one of my greatest fears, failing him.

Tears pricked the back of my eyes, but not of sadness. Hell no, I blew right past sad and straight into pissed the hell off. This was the same load of bullshit that Dean always does. You know, that stupid, self-sacrificing, push-you-away-for-your-own-good, bullshit? Pure rage coursed through my body and before I knew it I was striding towards him, ripping the knife away and throwing it as hard as I could, watching it chip off a piece of the concrete wall before clattering to the ground.

           “Y/N?!?! What the hell?!?” Dean’s mouth hung open as he leapt out of his chair. He was yelling, but my voice came out through gritted teeth and was barely above a whisper.

           “How dare you. I am a damn good hunter, I have had your back more times than I can count and Sam is basically my brother too. You don’t think I’m a liability. You’re just afraid because I got hurt and YOU couldn’t stop it. Well, SCREW YOU DEAN WINCHESTER! Did you miss the part where I was the one that got attacked?! I killed people, innocent people Dean. You left me! I needed you and you left me. How dare you.” By the end of it, I’m crying and so is he, but he doesn’t reach for me and he doesn’t step back, he just stands there with tears streaming down his face.

           “I wish I could’ve been there to stop it Y/N. I shouldn’t have left you at the motel, I should’ve waited…” I can’t believe that’s what he thinks I mean?! So, I cut him off before he can finish that stupid, self-loathing statement.

           “DAMMIT Dean! I don’t mean you left me at the motel! Fuck! I meant that I was unconscious and then I wake up and Sam says you’re on a hunt?! What the Hell?!” My anger is starting to dissipate and I just feel so tired. Tired of fighting, tired of waiting, tired of reliving the night when everything changed, just tired.

           “I know.” I’m on the other side of the room leaning against the wall when I hear him whisper those two words, they’re so heavy that I sink to the floor. “I’m sorry…” It feels like an eternity but, what could I say, ‘it’s okay, I forgive you.’ That would be a lie and he would know it before I even finished saying it. “Y/N, please… I know you’re angry, but please sweetheart… Don’t leave me… I know I just said that you should go, but I didn’t mean it baby. I’d die without you, please. You can’t leave me… Just… Please…” I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. I just get up and go.

And then i’m coming back to the dungeon with that perfect girly pocket knife. The sight before me shatters my heart, Dean is on his knees in the middle of the dungeon, his shoulders are shaking and his hands cover his face, knives and weapons are strewn all over the ground. He thought I left him for good. Idiot. Doesn’t he know I’d die without him?

           “Don’t think that this is me letting you off the hook Dean. I’m still pissed, damn I am so pissed.” His eyes shoot up to my face, which is level with his as I kneel on the ground in front of him, only wincing slightly because of the injuries that haven’t fully healed. “And we are still gonna talk about you leaving, but I love you and I’m not going anywhere. Idiot, don’t you know? I’d die without you.” I place the pocket knife in his hands, then my hands on both sides of his gorgeous face, and when he sees the knife, he smiles. That’s my favorite sight...

Then, before I know it, he’s got his arms around my waist, mine around his neck and we’re locked together with our mouths sliding over one another.