#savingraphaelsantiago

“Hey, bud. Como estas?” Raphael Santiago’s voice was low and husky, almost threatening. But his eyes… god, his eyes. They were staring right into Simon, like they could see him but they also could see inside him. Uhm, maybe not the right allegory. They could see things that Simon had hidden from everyone around him for oh so long. They could see the real Simon. The Simon before the bite, before the Shadow World.

“Raphael,” said Simon, because what else can he say? That he missed him? That he was wished he never left? That he didn’t mean to do what he did? “You’re back.”

The vampire almost took a step back, the movement imperceptible to anyone but another child of the night. Simon forced himself not to feel anything at that, not to let his disappointment show, not to let anything betray what he was feeling inside.

Raphael narrowed his eyes at him. “Last time I checked, I wasn’t the one who walked away.” again with the threatening voice that Simon had come to expect from him. The tone did nothing, but the words were a slap in the face. A reality check. Because Raphael was right.

The Head Vampire had given him everything. He had given him a home. A room. A place where to feed himself. Training. A community. All the help he could. And Simon had turned his back on him, he had turned turned his back on the Vampires, all for Clary and the Shadowhunters. The same Shadowhunters that didn’t forget to tell him what they thought of him and his kind, the same Nephilim who killed and burned away the people like him.

“I can’t come back.” the words tasted bitter in his mouth. He realised, belatedly, that they were both still standing at the door. It reminded him of that legend whereas vampires can’t come in unless invited. Except that it was totally fake, plus they were already inside.

Raphael linked slowly and shook his head. “I never asked you too. You can’t.” he repeated, like it hadn’t even crossed his head to ask him that. It hurt. “The clan would slaughter you immediately, unless…”

Simon looked up, like a dog handed a bone. Because he wanted to go back, he wanted to have a bed again, a proper space in a community, actual friends who could understand him and what he was going through. Because Clary would never understand, Alec didn’t care enough, Izzy didn’t get it and Magnus was… Magnus.

“You need to find Camille and bring her to us.” told him Raphael.

Just hearing her name was enough to scare Simon. He looked at the other vampire, eyes wide and scared. He couldn’t do that. Firstly, because that woman was the main source of all his nightmares. Second, “I need to help Clary find Jace.” he told him, shaking his head slightly.

This time, Raphael did explode. He grabbed him by the collar, and shoved him against the door, eyes angry and sad and everything in between. “I am giving you one chance, Simon! I might be Head Vampire, but I can’t command them to do anything. This is the only way you can come back to us without them killing you!” he let go of him abruptly, as if burned, and Simon brought his hands to his neck. It didn’t hurt, really. Raphael caught him by surprise.

The Vampire’s eyes were pleading when he looked at him again. “What have they ever done for you? That Clary, whom you love enough but is the reason you are a vampire. All of them. They don’t love you.” like I do. It was left unsaid, but Simon heard the words anyway.

He wanted to be back. To the clan, to Hotel Dumort… Back with Raphael. But… Could he truly do that? Could he really find Camille?