f-five times kissed cause im fucking trash
FIRST
It was a party, and Lauren had been invited as a joke. Something Natalie had never really seen the point of, but who was she to resist the tide? Invited into a house, the owner of which she was unsure, exactly, who it was - there was so many people there, how it mattered that one fat nerd being the butt of some stupid joke, she didn’t see or understand.
Honestly, she’d forgotten that Lauren was there at all - until in the thick of the living room turned dance floor, the curves of their bodies connected. It was a fun game - draw the laughter and hoots from the boys and girls around them, children who didn’t understand how to work a crowd quite like she did. Some of them thought it was funny that she was gracing Lauren with her dance, some were filled with envy, and others thought perhaps she was being kind. She didn’t really care which ideology they subscribed to, as long as they were still looking.
She played it up. Drank it in. Showed Lauren how to move her hips, twist and grind and work the music. She wasn’t on Natalie’s level by any means, but she had the assets to work with, and a sort of clumsy charm. Or, maybe that was drunken charm. Really, who knew. All Natalie was aware of was how their peers jeered and cheered as slender ivory fingers traced a tattoo along the brunette’s toasted skin, tugging her closer, ever closer - and how the crowd exploded as plush pink pout met shaking lips, cat calls and laughter and adoration echoing in her ears as she pulled away, grinning.
SECOND
She invited more than she cared to with that one haphazard kiss, forgetting for a moment that other people had emotions - those pesky things that ruled their minds and drove their actions.
“You think because I kissed you at a party, you get to talk to me?” She had laughed amid the locker room, confident despite her lack of attire. Shaking her head, sending waves rocking through her rippling mane of fiery curls, she scoffed.
“If that mattered, I’d have a lot more conversations.” “It was a kiss, McMullen.” She could see the girl’s fury rising, but drove on, controlling her chin with one hand and sneering at her, lips hovering a breath away from hers.
The second time their lips crashed together, Lauren fought her, pushing back, kissing back, somehow trying to control what was happening. She failed, but Natalie admired her drive. She ended the kiss with a sharp bite, drawing blood to the surface of the other’s brown mouth.
“See? And I still don’t give a shit about you. What a surprise.”
THIRD
She shouldn’t have gone out when she was upset. It made her stupid, more apt to do things that weren’t going to end well. Falling back against an unfamiliar bed, dizzy and unable to control her strangely too numb limbs, Natalie felt a rage as of yet only directed at her mother rise within her at the boy whose lips slid across hers like bloated slugs. Bile rose in her throat and she struggled as best she could, but her arms weren’t hers and her legs were lead. Her resistance was futile, and she squeezed her eyes shut against a pounding headache, hoping that perhaps she would just pass out.
Then there was light, flooding the too dark room, noise and music exploding in from the party she’d been dragged out of. She expected spectators to her humiliation, or perhaps a partner to tag team through the sickening invasion.
Not once would she have expected Lauren.
The other woman’s arms were like oak beams, holding her up, pushing away a teenager that wouldn’t live to regret his decisions if she had her way. The whole world was spinning, and god, Lauren was her anchor. Irony tasted a lot like vomit, she thought, stumbling alongside a surprising ally away from a bedroom she’d rather forget.
“–Why?” Speech slurred, fumbling over her words, she could at least manage that one syllable. “No one deserves that.” Lauren spat, shooting a glance that could melt stone over her shoulder, at the room that was disappearing slowly behind them; into the back of Natalie’s memory, with the rest of her secrets. “Not even a bitch like you.”
She thought she said thank you. She could have sworn she did. And she could have sworn she leaned up, pressing clumsy lips to Lauren’s cheek, tasting the salt of her own thankful tears.
FOURTH
There was a steady truce between them, now - Natalie owed much to the girl who had once been nothing more than a victim, a tool for her to use to climb her way out of the dark pit that was her life at home. She was more, now, and the redhead struggled to identify what that was, exactly. An ally, perhaps, though not quite a friend -
Regardless, she made an effort to make it up to Lauren, halting her own mockery and adding in a shockingly strong voice against those that ridiculed the elder girl.
“Your twig ass can’t handle that much woman.” Her laughter and sneers were now weapons in Lauren’s defense, her signature mocking smile a dagger in the heart of an unwitting boy who had thought to tease her saviour’s size, or weight. “Your tiny tool isn’t big enough. We know. Better leave it to someone who actually knows what to look for down there, hm? Thank god for the one girl who’s saved from your clumsy fumbling - if ten pounds was what it took to fend off your sweaty paws, Craig, I would have tried that years ago,”
It wasn’t as if any one else wondered what had happened. At least one person had seen the debacle of the party, and that one person had spread the story like wildfire through the school. Their whispers were useless fists beating against the walls of her reputation, though - and as her well timed tears and carefully crafted vengeance came to a crux against her attacker, she turned to Lauren to celebrate.
“He can’t play sports, he can’t be out after ten, can’t be left alone around anyone under sixteen - and his name is going on the sex offender’s list.” She had all but crowed as she dropped down beside the darker woman, a paltry offering of the cafeteria’s cookies set between them both. Triumph glowed in her eyes, and uncertainty showed in Lauren’s.
“–Congratulations.” Her voice was unsteady and unsure, fingers tentative as they reached for the baked confections before her.
“I owe you.” Natalie’s voice dropped low, fingers drumming the truth about her feigned confidence against her thighs. “Do you- Do you want to do something, sometime? Go out for dinner, or something? My treat?”
“No.” Lauren’s answer shocked her, and it was obvious. Staring at the dark haired woman, Natalie could only blink in the face of a wide grin, mischief and vengeance glimmering in eyes the shade of an open sky. Swallowing a bite of cookie, Lauren stood, pressing sarcastic lips against Natalie’s cheek.
“It was the right thing to do, Kovak, and see? I still don’t give a shit about you. What a surprise.”
As she twitched away, wide hips shaking, Natalie couldn’t help but mirror her smile, leaning back in her seat. Fitting. She liked that more than she wanted to admit.
FIFTH
Her foundation was shaking, and she couldn’t let them see. As if the chaos of the party wasn’t bad enough, as if her infamy as the girl who almost got raped wasn’t wearing thin on her patience… her father was gone. Not physically, no - in flesh, he was still there. Seeped in alcohol and sweat, though, his mind was floating far from the realm of consciousness.
Perhaps things could have been easier, if she’d had a parent to lean on. Maybe she would have been less of a terror, less of a bitch. Maybe if she had been, there would be more sympathy somewhere in the eyes of her peers.
“-she should have left her in there.” “She got herself into the situation in the first place.” “I’m surprised she didn’t want it.”
She pretended not to hear them, pretended it didn’t matter, but each time it was like a knife in her chest. Every blow was an added weight on her shoulders, a ten ton brick pile that could only build so high before she collapsed beneath it.
The final straw was a carefully applied layer of make up, spread expertly over a bruise that marred the side of her face and jaw. ‘I fell’ was an excuse she’d used before, likely from the throws and jumps she forced herself through in cheerleading and dance. Now, though, they were looking at her closer. Examining her words. Trying to find a crack or a lie. something to grab onto like leeches and use to suck her dry.
Everything was too much. Too heavy. Too hard.
“–She’s just doing this for attention-”
Too much indeed.
She didn’t make it out of the building before all she was, all she’d built, came crashing down around her ears. Tumbling to her knees outside a door that would surely alert the staff that she’d left, she clung to the crumbling brick of the outer wall and choked on a sob that felt like molten iron in her throat.
Tears cut through her mask, washing it away and letting the vicious purple stain show through for whoever dared to look. Her cheek throbbed as she rubbed one haphazard hand across her eyes, smearing her make up and tearing down one last wall for everyone to see the sham she really was.
Let them find her. Let them see. She was done. She was -
“–You okay?”
She hadn’t even heard the door open behind her. Terror rose and she spun, eyes wide at the sight of Lauren behind her. Suddenly, she realized how stupid she’d been. She didn’t want them to know, didn’t want them to see. Shame turned her face crimson and she turned away, hiding her face behind a curtain of still curled, still styled hair. At least, if she had nothing else, her hair was still nice.
“Please leave me alone.” It didn’t come out as calmly as she’d hoped, words stumbling through lips that felt like rubber thumbs for all the good they’d done her. At first, there was no response, then shuffling feet gave her hope that she would listen -
Lauren sat down beside her. Of course, she didn’t listen.
“–Do you want to talk about it?”
No. No, she didn’t want to talk about it. She wanted to be alone. Turning, summoning her fire, she prepared to lash out - to tell Lauren exactly where she could take her act of feigned caring and concern. Burning coal met shimmering blue, though, and something just… extinguished.
Dark fingers rose to brush against crumbling porcelain, one surprisingly soft thumb swiping away what was left of her disguise and letting the truth burn free from beneath. She didn’t say anything about how it looked - didn’t need to, really. Natalie knew full well of the way the bruise changed her face. Made her ugly, and pathetic.
She didn’t see that in Lauren’s eyes, though. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was why.
Whatever the reason, that one soft touch was what finally made her shatter. Sobs built up in her throat as a tremor took over her body, and she choked on them as she clung to Lauren’s arm. Tears flowed freely now, unbound by shame or pride, and still the other girl said nothing.
She simply held her. Held strong, and waited.
When the flood finally stopped, and the hiccups began to slow, Natalie felt the other girl shift around her, her arms loosing their hold on the fragile woman they protected. She braced herself for a taunt, or a request to never bring this up again.
She didn’t expect a softer gesture - a kiss, pressed gently against the top of her head, words whispering through her hair.
“It’ll be alright.” She heard, tears welling once again. “I’m right here.”
