#saturninus

Saturninus: "Clear up, fair queen, that cloudy countenance"

Saturninus: (a modern translation) Don't make that sad face, beautiful queen.

Inspired by this post. 

1. Lucius Cornelius Sexy Sulla: Was actually part of the Marian faction once and was a good bro for a time. Helped end the Jurgurthine War and the war against the Germanic tribes. Won a grass crown. Forever part of the Marian faction in my heart but in reality left when Marius decided that he would fight Mithridates from the grave if necessary. Very sexy. 

2. Julia Maria: Marius’ wife, definitely part of the Marian faction. Very pretty and kind. Had to put up with Marius most of her life but still loved him. Sexy but in a cute way. 

3. Quintus Sertorius: Younger version of Marius? Won a grass crown. Talked to animals like a disney princess. Did not support Marius when he went a little mad and traveled to Hispania instead where he continued his guerilla war against the Senate. Defeated Pompey. Definitely sexy. 

4. Gaius Marius: Was very fit and strong. Exercised with his soldiers. Won lot’s of important wars for Rome but did not know when to stop. Still looked strangely good when he was over seventy, so probably was hot in his youth. Married to Julia who definitely had good taste. Was friends with Sulla but never as sexy and tried to steal his command out of frustration. Still kinda sexy. 

5. Lucius Cornelius Cinna: Almost same name as Sulla so probably not ugly. Caesar married his daugther. He tried to do things but Sulla reversed everything. Scared of Marius. Not really sexy but still okay. 

6. Sulpicius: (Kinda) mad tribune of the Plebs but maybe that was just optimate propaganda. Wanted to overthrow the Senate a little. Supported Marius but only because he needed his support and most of all his money. Tried to do stuff for the Italians but Marcus Livius Drusus did it in a sexier way. Gets killed indirectly by Sulla who is sexy and that’s all he has going for himself in this ranking. 

7. Saturninus and Glaucia: Bros 4 life which is way they are together on this list. Tried to do things for the poor but probably only because they wanted more power (hard to say). Made cool laws for Marius & his soldiers. Got defeated by Marius and friends that’s not so sexy. 

Titus Andronicus Aesthetic with Quotes.