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On Consensual Gaslighting

Some of my stories contain a bit of mind games and gaslighting. After yesterday's story, I thought I'd take just a minute to talk about consent, when it comes to these kinds of activities. Like any D/s activity, mind games can be a very nice thing if both parties are informed, consent, and enjoy it (understanding that enjoyment is a complex topic, particularly for submissives who may take much or all of theirs from how an activity pleases their Dominant). While I don't claim to be an expert, I do have some thoughts on the matter. I think you need three things for this to work:

Initial Communication

Safe Word

Periodic Follow-up

You have to talk to each other before playing these kind of mind games, period. Not doing so means that you, as a dominant, don't know for sure if she (or he) understands and consents to be played with in this way, and in this case it could be damaging and/or abusive.

A safe word just means some way for the submissive to communicate that all mind games must stop. I like the phrase "talking business" because it allows the games to continue with other kinds of protestations (much like you wouldn't use "please stop" as a safe word in a CNC scene) but it doesn't matter as long as it is clear to both sides, understood by the submissive that it must be used when needed, and strictly adhered to by the Dominant.

Follow-up discussions are also necessary, perhaps more so than other D/s activities. By their nature, mind games and gaslighting can be confusing and controlling. We want this to be good for everyone. It can be tempting to assume everything is fine if there are no complaints, but I believe the dominant has a greater responsibility, precisely because these games affect how the submissive thinks about things. Dominants - it is your responsibility to make sure she (or he) is okay and still wants to play the games, and to stop otherwise.

Again, I don't claim to be an expert, but since I do include this in my writing, I want to make it clear that consent is no less vital when playing mind games and gaslighting than any other activity in a D/s relationship. My stories are a moment in time, and it can always be understood that the activities are informed and consensual.

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