#sasnaru

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The night sky enveloped Konoha deeper as more lights seeping through windows finally saw themselves shut.

Except for one particular window.

The office of the Hokage was still brightly lit, as Naruto went through mountains and mountains of paperwork. Empty containers of instant ramen surrounded him, along with its used disposable chopsticks.

Today was Himawari’s birthday. Today, of all days, was the day Naruto should have been home. On the right side of his desk was a picture frame of his family, and beside that was a framed photo of Team 7 all those years back when they were still children.

And there he was.

There he was, wearing his usual blue shirt and white shorts, partnered with an uninterested look on his face. Naruto stared at the photo for a while, reminiscing all the times he wanted to punch the nonchalance out of him. In a way, during a certain point in Sasuke's defection and the war, he did.

Naruto shook his head fondly, and went back to his paper work. He had already left a clone of his at home to be with his family, he just hoped no blunders would come.

Suddenly, someone knocks at his door. He sits straight up, tries to arrange some of the files. “Come in,” he says. “It’s unlocked.”

“Naruto.”

He knew that voice anywhere. This was the voice he could recognize anywhere, no matter how noisy the crowd, how great the distance, how long the absence. Because to him, perhaps, this was the only voice that had mattered the longest to him.

“Sasuke!” Naruto says, jolting up from his seat. What are you doing here? Aren’t you on a mission?”

Sasuke is quiet as he sits on the chair in front of Naruto’s desk. Naruto sits back down, studying Sasuke’s expression. His face remains stern, staring straight down. Naruto notices Sasuke fidgeting, but he remains quiet and his face unreadable. “Did something happen?” Naruto asks, with a mix of confusion and concern. It was unlike Sasuke to just barge in this way and say nothing at all. He was always serious, but never on this level.

“I wanted to rest for a bit. I’ve found another of Kaguya’s existing shrines. It’s done. I just… thought I’d pass by.”

Sasuke then keeps his eyes fixated on the end of the table, refusing to make eye contact with Naruto. He then turns his attention to the piles of empty instant ramen cups on his desk. “You should at least be eating something substantial if you’re going to bury yourself in your work.”

Naruto laughs weakly. “I see you still haven’t changed much. Still opposing nearly everything I do, even my food habits.”

“Someone has to. You’re running yourself ragged over this. Have you even seen your family this week?” Sasuke then looks at Naruto intently.

“No… no, I haven’t much,” Naruto admits. “Can’t be any worse than you,” he jokes back, smiling and chuckling dryly. This was a reality they had both chosen, and are still actively choosing.

For a moment, there was nothing but sheer silence occupying the room. Naruto starts putting down his papers, realizing he can’t finish this now. Something was bothering Sasuke – that he knew for sure. It was unlike him to just barge in here in the middle of the night unless it was something urgent in relation to his current post.

“I could have chosen not to do this, you know,” Sasuke then said, looking at Naruto. “I could have just chosen to stay with Sakura and Sarada. I could have just tried to be a good husband and father.”

Naruto shakes his head. “You are a good father and husband. By doing this, you’re protecting them and atoning for your sins–”

“That’s not why I did this.”

Naruto furrows his brows and looks at Sasuke as though he had just confessed the most absurd thing he had ever done. “It’s not?” was all Naruto could answer back.

“No…” Sasuke looks down. “It’s not.”

“Then why, Sasuke?”

“Do you really have to ask that, Naruto?”

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FLASHBACK

It was after the Fourth Great Ninja War, and Sasuke had already been making reparations for his past actions. He had done everything he could to keep Konoha safe, and to prove that he was no longer plotting anything sinister against the village.

Naruto had been getting by well after the war, enjoying the warmth of the village-folk and his peers alike. But he had always felt that something was missing amidst all the love and attention he was getting. He felt an ache in his heart every time he admitted to himself what exactly it was, but he kept opting to shove it down. Not now, he thinks. Not when I’m getting married to Hinata.

After one of his night-outs with his friends and Hinata, he reluctantly walks Hinata back to the Hyuga complex. Naruto then makes his way back to his house, letting the cold breeze and rustling leaves cradle his thoughts from the lively night he’s had. But from afar, he could see a tall figure standing in the middle of the path he was on. The figure then charges at him, strongly holding him with one arm as he drags Naruto towards the border of Konoha, with nothing but the tall trees of the woods surrounding them.

“Sasuke!” Naruto mapping out Sasuke’s face with his eyes, trying to see if it’s really him. “Why did you do that?! What is wrong with you? I almost had a heart attack! Why would you just grab someone–”

Before Naruto could continue, Sasuke wrapped him in a deep, yearning embrace, with his arm tightly wrapped around Naruto’s lower back. Naruto felt Sasuke’s body warmth combat the cold of the night’s winds on his body. Naruto nearly gets lost in the embrace, almost letting his hands crawl towards Sasuke’s back and pull him closer. But he realizes how unusual this is for Sasuke to behave, so instead Naruto pulls away from him and throws a strong punch to his face. “What have you done with Sasuke?!” he demanded.

“You idiot!” says Sasuke, cupping his bruised cheek. “It’s me. It’s really me!” He then activates his Sharingan to prove he was not just a clone. Naruto then runs back towards him with a confused but embarrassed expression on his face. “Shit, I’m sorry! It’s just… you never… why did you hug me like that?! You’ve never done that before!”

Sasuke looks down, clenching his fists. “Is it true? Are you marrying her?” His voice was low and stern, making it hard for Naruto to read if he was being his usual self or if there was something else to it. 

“Yeah, I am,” said Naruto as he smiled. “Were you here to congratulate me–”

Sasuke cuts him off. With a stern voice, he asks, “Is this what you want?”

Naruto’s eyes widened at Sasuke’s question. He looked at Sasuke’s expression – brows furrowed, jaw tightly clenched, and eyes intensely fixed on his. Naruto looks down, as if not wanting to seem like he was treating Sasuke’s question shallowly. He then rubs the back of his neck sheepishly and says, “Well… yeah. I mean, about time don’t you think? We’re getting old and–”

“What about me?”

“What about you…?”

Sasuke clenched his fists tighter and walked towards Naruto, cornering him in front of a tree. Sasuke punches the tree, only inches away from his face. “You can’t tell me you didn’t feel it too, Naruto.”

“Feel what?” Naruto says. Part of him knew what Sasuke already meant, but part of him wanted to see if Sasuke would admit it and not just let Naruto carry both their feelings as he usually did.

“Don’t play dumb, Naruto. You know exactly what–”

“You’re really asking me that, Sasuke?”

Naruto’s voice is lower now, more serious and focused. He looks down, avoiding Sasuke’s intense gaze. “You really think, after everything… that I… that I don’t…?”

“You said you did it because we were friends. You said you fixated on getting me back because I was your friend and you didn’t want me to go astray. That’s all you said–”

“Then you’re more of an idiot than I am,” Naruto said.

“Everything I’ve ever done… up to this point… is because of how I feel for you, you idiot.”

Sasuke comes closer to him, he holds Naruto’s arm firmly. “But you chose her.”

“Did I have a choice?”

Sasuke cups Naruto’s cheek and brushes his hand down his chin. He then makes him look up at him. “I’m giving you one now.”

But instead of affectionately responding, Naruto’s eyes become filled with anger as he grabs Sasuke by his collar. He stands, yanking Sasuke up to stand as well. “You jerk! Why now?! Why now when I’m about to get married?!”

“Because you love me, not her, you stubborn idiot!” Sasuke snaps back.

Naruto shoves Sasuke as hard as he can. Sasuke falls to the ground, but charges at Naruto, pinning him again against the tree. He slams his arm on the side of Naruto’s head. Sasuke then began yelling, “You loved me, not her. It’s always been me. You’re giving up on me now?! After everything we’ve been through?!”

Sasuke then grips Naruto by his collar, bringing him closer. “Naruto, we can run away. We can get away from all of this. I was too filled with rage to see it before, but now I do. I’m ready for you now.” Sasuke’s tone becomes more exasperated, as if his life depended on Naruto agreeing to be with him.

Naruto holds Sasuke’s grip, causing Sasuke’s tight hold to loosen. Sasuke’s expression softened, but tears began to well up in his eyes. “Please, Naruto, I’m better now, I–”

Suddenly, Naruto cuts him off. “You’ve only ever really thought about yourself, huh?” He looks at Sasuke, his soft expression piercing straight through Sasuke’s heart. “You know how badly I’ve always wanted to be Hokage. To make a difference here in Konoha,” Naruto looks down, letting go of Sasuke’s hand. “And yet you still want me to leave it all behind for you?”

Sasuke lets go of his hold on Naruto completely, letting his hands fall to his sides. The two fall silent, letting the cold breeze of the night swallow them whole. “Naruto, I…”

“I chased after you to no end, Sasuke. I was the only one who believed you would ever come back. I did it all because I… I wanted you back here. Because… because I…” Naruto tried to get the words out, but instead tears started falling from his eyes. He tries to fight it, but the harder he fights, the more they gush out like a freshly deep-cut wound. “Because I loved you.”

Sasuke walked slowly towards him again, this time with a gentler aura surrounding him. He came so close that their bodies were nearly pressing against each other. He raises his hand and places it behind Naruto’s neck, and with that he pulls him in for a kiss. Naruto’s eyes shot wide open at first, but as the kiss had gone deeper, he relaxed his eyes, his entire body becoming pliant, and wrapped his arms around Sasuke.

“S-Sasuke…” Naruto says, breaking from the kiss for some air. He then grips Sasuke’s clothes from his back and pulls him in closer again. The second kiss becomes hungrier, more desperate, a battle of who kisses harder and deeper.

Once it breaks, Sasuke gently brushes Naruto’s cheek. Naruto closes his eyes and presses his cheek harder where Sasuke’s hand is. “Naruto…” Sasuke then says. “What do you say?”

Their foreheads rest against each other for a brief moment. Naruto then cups Sasuke’s cheek. 

“I can’t.”

END FLASHBACK

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Before answering Sasuke’s question, Naruto takes a deep breath. “I don’t know, Sasuke. I don’t know what I can or can’t ask of you.”

Sasuke looks at Naruto in the eye, his expression severe and pleading. “But you do. All this time, it’s always been you who knew. Nobody knows me, cares about me, has been this fixed in my life, the way you are. Naruto, can’t you see–?”

“But you got Sakura pregnant,” Naruto cuts him off.

“And you married Hinata,” Sasuke replies.

The two fall into another oppressive silence. These were the two truths that they had chosen on their own accord. Sasuke got Sakura pregnant, and Naruto married Hinata. The proof of those two truths are now living, breathing, carrying the faces of each other, unknowingly tearing at the very core of what could have been between them.

There was no more retort, no brutal comeback, no resolution. This was a conversation they had occasionally, that always ended exactly where it always does.

“So that’s it then,” Naruto says.

Sasuke looks at him, his expression a mix of anger – directed to nobody but himself – and an undeniable trace of pure sadness and yearning.

“I’ll always regret it.”

“Good. Me too.”

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