"Was I ever in love?" Sarsa repeated the question, glancing up and away for a moment before her eyes snapped back to the grey Mage. "Well..... Yeah I'd say I was. An altmer boy..... Back in high rock." She spoke slowly, as if it was difficult to phrase her answer. "I....I had to leave him when I left home. We still write to each other occasionally." She finished, staring intently at the ground in front of her.
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((Under the read more is possibly triggering material, including anxiety, bad writing, and possibly abuse? Proceed with caution))
((This is a little drabble that looks into one of the panic attacks Sarsa experienced while she was still living at room. It also explains a little more on her relationship with her family.This took place a few months before she left. Will not be proofread so feedback would be appreciated!))
She didn't know what set it off this time. She wasn't doing a lesson with her mother or anything, just sitting in her room. The irrepressible anxious feeling rising up inside her, until she just had to be alone.
She was wandering now. It's good Sarsa had a good sense of direction or she would certainly be lost by now. Every step she took away from her house lessened the nervous feeling, the one where it felt like she either needed to scream until her throat was raw, or curl up into a ball until she couldn't feel anything anymore.
She tried not to think these thoughts, just concentrating now on putting one foot in front of the other as she marched on.
Sarsa clutched her arms around her body in sort of a hug, the shaking was letting up now. She could still feel the beating of her heart, but it was slowing down to a more normal level.
Her thoughts wandered to what her parents would say when she got home. Mordyn would probably act like nothing happened, and would shut himself in his room so he wouldn't have to hear the yelling. Her dad would probably try and keep things calm, but would eventually follow Mordyn's example, leaving Sarsa to face her mother alone. It would escalate into Sarsa apologizing profusely as her mother slapped her, telling her all the things that was wrong with her.
As she thought about this, Sarsa's breaths became more ragged and she broke into a run. The steady thump of her feet against the forest floor helped clear her mind again.
She continued on like this for a good while; by the time she stopped and slumped down at the base of a tree she had worked up quite a bit of sweat on her face. How was she ever going to be able to go back there and face them yet again? She just wanted to feel okay again.
Sarsa faintly felt like crying, but no tears came. They never did anymore.
She sat there until the sun sank down below the treeline, and the familiar numbness set in.
Leiffe quietly made his way upstairs through the dimly lit tavern, standing before a door at the end of the corridor, hand ghosting over the iron handle, wondering if indeed it was her room. Suspicions aside, he turned the handle and entered, leaning back on the door as it shut behind him, eyes falling upon her, in neutral fashion, of her vulnerable state, but seemed unaware that it may cause her discomfort. He spoke nonchalantly, “The bartender attempted to poison me. I have to kill her now.”
Sarsa shrieked, not realizing that Leiffe was on her doorstep. A dark red blush coated her face, even making itself visible on her ears. She looked around frantically, trying to find something to cover herself, and settled to grabbing the sheets from her bed and wrapping herself in them. Leiffe had caught her changing into her nightclothes. She herself was just in her under clothes now, save the sheet wrapped around her body. Leiffe looked at her expectantly, and it dawned on her he was awaiting her response to something he said. She blinked, trying to figure out what he had said before she recalled it. "I'm uh..... I'm sorry that happened to you Leiffe....... Maybe you could give me a minute to get dressed and we could talk about it?" She stammered with difficulty, trying not to embarrass herself further.
Mouth: Do you want to kiss anyone right now?"Mmm. At this moment?? Yes I would say there are a few people I....uh....wouldn't mind kissing." Sarsa admitted, looking down at the floor. Back: Are you a virgin".......yes....." Was all the reply she gave, her eyes unreadable. "Anymore uncomfortable questions you people want to ask?"
Hair: What hair color looks best on you and what's your natural color?"I'm not sure what color of hair would look best on me, but I've always wished I had darker hair then I do now. Like a deep pretty brown instead of my natural brown color." Heart: Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know?"Am I in love...?" Sarsa pondered the question for a moment. "No...no I don't think any infatuation I have now could be called love. More like unrequited crushes." Chest: Are your maternal/parental instincts strong?"Oh gods no. I never know what to do with children, especially babies. I'm always afraid I might drop them or something. Whenever a proud mother asks me if I want to hold their child, I always politely decline."
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so you said you're interested in someone but will you pursue it sarsa? or is it not important enough to you?
"Hmm. That's an interesting question. I'm not bold enough to say anything outright.... But I might drop a few hints and see where it goes," Sarsa answered thoughtfully.
Sarsa is actually a very bad cook. She tried to cook on multiple occasions when she was younger, each with more disastrous results, so she eventually just gave up altogether.
♒: Phobia Headcanon Sarsa doesn’t really have a lot of phobias, but she is very creeped out by drauger (I’m pretty sure that’s spelled wrong) and spiders. ☻: ‘Like’ headcanon Sarsa’s favorite season is fall. She doesn’t like how the leaves crunch under her feet when she’s trying to hunt, but she loves the weather, and the cool air. ☄: Weather Headcanon Sarsa is really fond of the rain. She would always get scolded as a child for going on and playing in the rain.