#samofsky

To say that his life was going well was an understatement. There was so much going on with Capitol and him and Dakota working on songs together. Even though Sam had been deep in thought of what love he wanted the most at the start, he was reassured that Dave was the one for him. They had their weekends and more to be a true couple and whenever they held hands or went out for a simple lunch, Sam just knew that he shouldn't be doubting. Dave was someone so special to him and he wanted to wake up next to the male every morning, he wanted a family with him. To have a place together and finally feel like he didn't have to try so much. Sam was a hopeless romantic. It was a curse and a blessing for the most part. The fact that he had questioned his feelings for Jeff again was crazy of him. Jeff had moved on. Jeff and Harmony were a couple. He couldn't disturb that. There was chemsitry of course but that was in the past. Sam didn't need to think of the past anymore. He was thinking of the future and that was with Dave. No questions about it. Though when it came to the thought of future and family, Sam was thinking over the options. The blonde had to talk to Dave about it and he was hoping for the same reaction and to feel great about starting a family. HIs boyfriend was on his way to his place as Sam felt like a gitty school girl. Waiting to tell the news. When there was determination in Sam, he went full speed. That's how his career worked out so well and was still making a huge impact in the music industry. But besides music and movies, Sam was ready to think of his own happiness and that was to marry Dave one day and have a family of their own. After some talks with Dakota that wasn't all music and debates of the The Amazing Spiderman movie verses Spiderman movies, she had agreed willingly to be a carrier. So that Sam and Dave could have someone special tha tthey could say is their child. It was either carrier or adoption and going through all profiles of children would make Sam want all of them. With the papers legit and Dakota's signature, Sam was all the more ready to tell Dave what he hoped was a good plan for their future. There had been a lot of the press thinking that Sam was with Dakota, but they were all false. He was with Dave and having to state that multiple times, they finally got it to their heads that Sam was happy with Dave. Him and Dakota were great friends and cared about each other enough to be best friends. Sam's train of thought had took a hault as he heard the knock of the door. Getting up to answer the door, he was quick to draw his arms around Dave and give him a sweet kiss on the lips then one on the cheek like he always did to the male. Allowing him in and going to the kitchen, Sam yelled out if he wanted anything. The male was here for another weekend and to talk which was important since Sam had big news for them. It wasn't a now situation where they had to have kids, but this was a plan for the future. Coming back to sit next to Dave with that wide grin on his face when he was around the male. He handed over his drink and drummed his legs. "It's like you can live here with me now. Since I'm not flip flopping between here and NY. So how are you babe?"

Life had been flying by, and lately it felt like Dave could hardly catch up. The end of his first year of grad school was quickly approaching, and even if he knew he'd been in school for quite a few years more, it still felt surreal. He felt like really it was just yesterday that he'd gotten his acceptance to Berkeley in New York. His life had changed so much over the last year, with the publishing of his book, his breakup with Kurt, and in recent events, making it official with Sam. Sam had been in a lot of ways unexpected, which was why he still felt some remorse for not telling Kurt about it before the reunion, but at the same time, not even he could have seen it coming. He'd forgotten just how much he loved Sam's company, and even if the two of them couldn't live in the same city, they found ways to make it work. Dave visited LA whenever he could, and Sam would visit him. The two were constantly back and forth and going the extra mile for each other, and that meant something to Dave. So much of it meant something to Dave, but really when it came down to it, he knew he was just having fun. He and Sam were having a good time together, and it really was a relationship that he considered the two of them to have fallen into. They always seemed to do that, crossing paths with each other unexpectedly and maybe even suddenly. And Sam had always been his security when he didn't have it, or at times had needed it. But it was interesting how for some reason, even Dave knew that his relationship with Sam was really just fun. He just enjoyed Sam's company...and that's all there was to it. Not that there was something wrong with that. But Dave knew that carefree things eventually lead to more. And with the people around him beginning to think about marriage, and even kids, it was something that had begun to enter Dave's mind too. Honestly he didn't know how he felt about it for himself right now. There might have been a time in his and Kurt's relationship where he would have proposed to him, but he never had, and Kurt wasn't in Berkeley with him and clearly had other life plans. So that ship had sailed, and Sam had just sort of walked back into his life unexpectedly. And that wasn't a bad thing...but it didn't make Dave any more sure of whether or not he was ready to settle down either, let alone with Sam. Kurt clearly wanted to stay in New York City...and Dave wouldn't be out there for at least another four years, and Dave felt wrong to think about Kurt in the first place because he was with Sam. It was amazing how much his thoughts seemed to drift though, especially dancing around the subject of marriage. Was he a horrible guy for thinking of someone else about that serious stuff? It wasn't that he didn't like Sam...he really really did. He just saw him in a different, more casual kind of a way at this point. And Kurt had been his first love. It seemed only natural to wish that could happen for him, but more than ever, Dave knew that Kurt was going to put his career before anything, and for all Dave knew, might not look back. And that was okay...at least, up until it met how he felt about everything. He didn't know what to think anymore, so it had been easy to just go with the flow, and to focus on his classes and writing. But part of him was beginning to wonder if he couldn't do that forever. Dave knocked on Sam's front door in Los Angeles, drumming his hands on his jeans while he waited for Sam to answer the door. Of course the second the door opened, a familiar smile came to Dave's face as he saw his current boyfriend, trying to not think about what had just been on his mind too much and greeting him with a kiss. But before Dave could even step inside the door after that, Sam started talking, and really he said something that only brought Dave's thoughts full circle. Dave shrugged almost nervously, giving Sam a more serious expression as he answered, wondering how he would get his point across. "I know....it would be amazing, really, if I could live down here, but I still have school and writing stuff to deal with. I've gotta stay up in NorCal for now."

Sure there was always that deep friendship that him and Jeff had, but the other blonde had his own future ahead of him. Sam wanted to start making one for himself as well. He didn't want to pressure Dave and although he had this agreement met with Dakota, if Dave didn't want it then so be it. He wanted to understand and be flexible with what Dave had to say. This was why they were talking today and of course having their normal hangout and cute lazy weekend together. Or they could venture out to eat at one of their favorite restaurants or maybe see the new Spiderman movie. The fans seemed to love him and Dave together and although most of the websites and gossipers thought it was better with him and Dakota, he knew that Dave was the one for him. Sometime soon he would proposal to the male. There was no one else he could think of for starting a family right now. Coming from such a line of people he had been through. Such a development from learning his mistakes. To be more understanding and work with your partner on any situation that could come as a problem to the two of you. If he could, Sam would write a book or a guide on being the true lover for a relationship. It would be a great movie that would fit under some comedy if he tried. He was already a producer and what more then to make your own movie as well. That could be a goal in his future as well. For now though, Sam was just wanting to have a normal life and hang with his boyfriend. With his playful smirk on his face, it turned smaller when he noticed the serious look on Dave's face. Still giving a smile to him though. Putting his hand on Dave's knee, he nodded. He knew that Dave had his school to finish up and writing. "I know, I'm glad I get to see you on the weekends though. Isn't the semester almost over?" He asked knowing that schools were finishing up everywhere. Seeing that he had the papers on the table still, Sam kept his hand on the male's leg as he drummed his fingers. "Uh.. so I have something to tell you and you can be totally honest on how you feel about this" He started off, thinking that it was a good way to start it. Looking up with a more serious tone, Sam took a deep breath to take away the nerves. "You and I are amazing and I love you so much. I couldn't be any happier in life. I get to see you and wake up happy in your arms and I can see use having a family. Having you know.. children." Picking up the paper, he shrugged. He couldn't back down his words now "I know this could be much but whatever or whenever we decide to have kids, we can adopt or have a surrogate and I had talked about you so much to Dakota and we started talking. But if we do need a surrogate, she agreed to help us."

Dave felt himself swallow as Sam asked the question about his semester, entering his own thoughts for a second. He'd only just found out that he was going to be spending the summer teaching up in Berkeley while he was writing as part of the grad program, and he'd been hesitant to tell Sam about it really because he knew that Sam would want him down in LA for the summer. And Dave wished he could be in LA for the summer too in some ways. His publisher was now based out of the LA office instead of the New York office, and he had plenty reason to be down in LA. Not even for his own reasons, but for Sam and Sam's fans too. He'd liked the last couple of months, and the fun that he and Sam had together. Of course Dave hadn't really considered himself to be someone who was all about the attention and the limelight, but it was a bit more fun than he'd anticipated to have so many supporters of his and Sam's relationship. And that was something he knew would have to be put on hold once again if he was going to be teaching through the summer. Dave took in a breath, looking at Sam with as earnest of an expression as he could. They had to talk about this eventually, and who knew...maybe it wouldn't be the end of the world. "Oh... well yeah, but I actually am supposed to teach this summer English class at Berkeley for undergrads. I won't be in classes myself, but yeah...they want me to teach. I was gonna tell you sometime this weekend, I'm sorry..." But Dave's voice trailed off as the thoughts practically evaporated into thin air at the mention of what Sam said next. And really, when Sam finished, Dave had to wonder if what he'd just said had really happened. Children. Sam wanted children, at least sometime in the future even if it wasn't now. He wondered while he listened to Sam where all of this had come from, and why they'd started this conversation now. Really he'd thought he was just coming down to LA for another weekend with Sam and to get away from his life in Berkeley for a bit, but everything felt like it was colliding in his mind when he tried to wrap his head around the idea of kids. It was something he'd only vaguely thought about really over the years, especially with the addition of Maddie to Sugar's family and with Rachel's kids and stuff. Tons of grad students were getting married and settling down to have kids in his program and he knew that right around now should be the time that he'd already thought through a lot of that stuff and was ready for it. And Sam had been nothing but good to him, truly. But if Dave was being honest...he didn't know how much he really pictured himself being the kind of guy to really have kids. Not on his own anyways. Having kids was hard... it was a responsibility, and one that not everyone could handle. Over the years Dave had watched his mother time and time again disappoint him, and even if she'd sort of come around over the last couple years and they maintained a civil relationship now mostly because of Taylor, there was some stuff he'd never forgive her for. He wouldn't ever forgive her for walking out of his life when he first came out. He wouldn't forgive her for divorcing his dad and seeing their relationship as unfixable because of her own homophobia. There was so much that Dave resented, and so much she'd done wrong. And yeah, he'd been lucky to have a dad who did a lot of things right, and who had always been there for him, but he'd also watched his dad break on his behalf time and time again and Dave wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle that the way his dad did. There was a part of him that was afraid of it, really... the idea of kids, because he felt that whoever had kids should be someone who was meant to have them, and who could handle a tragedy if their kid went through one. And...what if his kids went through the same thing? Or not the exact same thing, but what if they got in a car accident? What if they suddenly died or almost died and Dave was supposed to just move on after that? They were questions that Dave had thought about a lot in regards to kids, and really, he knew he had his own unique perspective on the whole thing cause of what his own experiences had been. But if someone wanted kids, especially if that someone was Sam... he couldn't bring himself to stop that, could he? And this had nothing to do with anyone else or with any of the other thoughts that had already clouded his mind. This was different. Dave blinked, overcome with the sort of sting that entered his throat suddenly at the mention of kids, taking a couple of steps back to look at Sam. "Wait woah Sam, slow down... where is this coming from? ...How long have you been thinking about this?"

There was no pressure that Sam wanted to bring Dave on the whole children and family ordeal. All he wanted to talk about was when and how they could make it work that there could be a plan. Dave was still in school and Sam was once again in the recording studio, probably to plan a tour in the next year after his album drops. When they did have children, Sam would take a break from music to raise them right. He wouldn't want to be one of those rockstar parents that ditched their kids or took them on tour everywhere to have them not gain good social skills through going to a stable school. The blonde would want to have his family be as well mannered, well rounded like his own. All the kids that his friends were having did put Sam in a baby fever so to speck but this wasn't just his dicision but Dave's as well. Looking up and keeping his gaze with Dave's, he still had a small smile on his face. Though the news of him teaching classes over summer sucked that he couldn't see Dave that much, but Dave had so much going for him, he couldn't tell him not to take the opportunity. "It's okay, this is a good opportunity for you and if you don't, those students wouldn't know how wise and mighty you are." While going through the papers and holding them in his hand, he was about to pass them off for Dave to take a look but the movement back and away had Sam really worried. He didn't know what Dave's thoughts were and that's why he told the male to be honest with the idea of children. The Evans family tree was huge and Sam was always one to keep the family tree growing. The idea of children was music to his ears. He had raised his brother and sister helping his mom and dad in their rough patch of money, he had so many cousins he couldn't even count with just fingers. In the next ten years he wanted to come to family events and add to the numbers. Sure there would be stresses with raising them. Their teen years, them going off to college at some point and Sam would always be a supporter for his children like his parents were to him. He could handle responability like no other and there wouldn't be judgement. Just sharing the parenthood with Dave also had Sam head over heels loving the idea. Massaging his bottom lip when Dave had to holt the topic to think of what was going on, Sam held his words back. "I just want to have a plan set. And I've been thinking a good while about this. Everyone else is having children and it gets me this baby fever. But we don't have to do this now. I promise you. This is just a plan for our future. If you want that.." Sam stated a bit timid with how Dave would respond.

It was a solid couple of seconds before Dave could even begin to process where his mind was at the moment in all of this. He knew that what Sam proposed was a big deal, a really big one, and one that would involve the two of them having and raising kids of their own. He knew it was one that he couldn't take back, and if the two of them had children, he would want to be completely sure. But the more and more that Dave thought about it, the more and more sure he seemed to become of the fact that he wasn't sure. He didn't know if he wanted kids... and he didn't want to keep that from Sam if it was a definite thing for him. Dave needed time if nothing else... but something told Dave that it was more than just time. He didn't want to just put it off or drag it on if it was something he really wasn't sure he wanted. And yeah, having kids with Sam wouldn't be bad at all, he knew Sam would make a great dad and that their kids would probably turn out just fine and all that, but maybe it was his own parent's mistakes that somehow made it hard for him to wrap his head around the idea of having kids when he wasn't 100% sure. So he had to be honest about that. It was only fair to Sam, and it was the right thing to do, as much as Dave wished he didn't have to. He'd never been a guy who liked dealing with conflict.... but right now he knew he had to. Dave took in a deep breath, looking at Sam and letting his expression match how he felt at the moment. "I guess I just.... I've never been sure if I want kids or not. I don't know if I can promise you that for sure..."

Maybe this weekend wasn't the best to start off with talk about children but he didn't want to spring it on and have to think crazy right before they do have a talk on children, if Dave wanted them. Playing his finger against the corner of the papers, Sam stared at the floor for a moment before looking back up to Dave. He had that serious look that gave Sam the impression that he wasn't thinking this. He wasn't sure if kids were a thing in the future and hearing it out loud in all the words. It stung, granted but he was asking for this. Sam had told Dave to be honest because this was a serious topic. They had to be grown adults with this matter and Sam choked back all of the shattered part of the future plan to get Dave's understanding of it all. Telling Dakota this would be another thing because if kids weren't going to be a thing, he didn't want Dakota to have to deal with Sam's issues. It would be too much. Sam tried not to sound as sadden from Dave's words as he responded. "Like I said, I don't want to pressure or change your mind on what you think. I just.. none at all?" He thought it over and over. If this was because of them being both of the same gender, that shouldn't stop them. If this was more so of maybe Dave not feeling fit to parent, then he could get a better grasp of it. Shaking his head, Sam contained himself for the most part. Setting the papers down on the table in defeat nearly. "Okay, so that's done... but you do see us together in the long run right?" Having to ask just so he knew what Dave's plans were. If his were down the toilet.

Dave let out a huge sigh, bringing his hands up to his head and rubbing his eyes for a second. This isn't how he wanted things to be, or go at all. And something told Dave that regardless of what his answer was going to be... if he had to be honest right now, it meant that he was going against the risk of hurting Sam. It had always been a problem of Dave's, or something he wanted to avoid. Ever since he'd found himself his senior year of high school, it was almost like he developed this fear of hurting someone again because he hated who he used to be. He really was ashamed of it, and when the grads at his school got debriefed on harassment in the college setting and work enviornment before he'd ever started teaching, he couldn't help but feel guilty of exactly that from the past. He wasn't proud of his past, and it was a past that had made him ever since want to never hurt anyone, in any context. He was afraid of it really, because he was afraid of who that meant he was. And even if this was extremely different, and he knew it wasn't really comparable to his bullying Kurt and so many people in the Glee club when he was younger, it would still likely hurt Sam. And he was realizing more and more that he had to face that right now. He just hated it. He had his regrets from the past, and he didn't want this to become another one of them. A sting came into his eyes as he stood there, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the guilt that he had for the situation, words beginning to flow out of his mouth like word vomit. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry... I'm just not ready to have kids, and I guess I don't know if I want them... my parents had such a hard time with me, and my mom messed up so much... I don't want to ruin someone else's life with my parenting. It's a lot of pressure, Sam... and I don't know if I can handle that. You deserve someone who can handle that pressure... and I guess I've been just going with the flow with our relationship too when I have a lot of unanswered questions about it. I don't know.... I care a lot about you, Sam... and I don't want to hurt you... but I don't want to lie to you and hurt you even more later. I guess... I think it's better to just tell the truth."

With his hands holding Dave's, his rough calloused hands brushing with Dave's smoother skin. Though his mind was railing with the questions of what Dave was thinking. Sam had to find out the hard way and he had to embrace it. As much as he was saying he didn't want to pressure Dave it was a very high end moment. Everything that Dave said in frustration, just getting his say out was making Sam feel horrible for doing this to Dave. Of course they cared for each other. Too much that they could've done a different approach with this subject but that didn't seem to subside. He was feeling selfish when Dave said he didn't think he could handle or teach them right since his parents didn't do the best job on him. All Sam did was nibble on his bottom lip, nodding to acknowledge Dave from what he was coming from. A waver of his eyebrows wrinkled the top of his forehead as he thought of the unanswered questions part of the statement. "What would you lie about?" The question slipped as his finger brushed Dave's palm. "Yea, lets just tell the truth and for me, I just feel like music is already a big goal but being a family person, I just want the people around me that love, care, and support me more than my career right now"

Dave felt the way that Sam's hands brushed against his, almost wishing he could just close his eyes and escape the conversation somehow. Conversations like this were never easy, to say the least, and it was one that he had dreaded and wanted to avoid for as long as he possibly could. But there they were now, and nothing was going to change that. Dave squeezed Sam's hand, taking in a deep inhale and looking him dead on in the eyes, preparing himself to ask a question that he really wasn't sure he was prepared for. He didn't know how Sam would answer, and really felt that one way or another, the answer wasn't going to be an easy one to hear. So he braced himself for the worst, even when he wasn't sure what the worst was, and just came out and said the question that had been on his mind for some time now out loud. "Sam... when you think about your future, your kids, family... do you completely picture it with me? Am I the one you've always wanted to spend the rest of your life with?"

The squeeze of his hand was reassuring and yet the question still remained in the air, what was who lying about? He wasn't lying to himself and as he watched Dave prepare to ask the big question, Sam was ready to answer. It was a question that Sam had went through with so many people before. He had thought of that question with Jeff once upon a time but all he saw now was Dave. Not just as a last option but because over the years, they have made their connection stand above all the others. Sam really thought that Dave was the one that he was suppose to be with. "I do picture you Dave. You've always been there for me and we've managed to cross paths for a reason. This means something and that something tells me that I want you and only you. I love you Dave Karofsky and that'll never change."

Dave kept is gaze on Sam as much as he could, trying not to lose his train of thought or the rhythm of what he was saying. It was only natural, knowing Sam for him to say that he wanted to be with Dave more than anyone, and he believed that. The two of them had been through a lot together, and Sam was someone that Dave had grown to care about so much over the years. He really did love Sam in his own way. He just knew that the problem was that it wasn't that simple... and part of him knew it was because he'd never gotten closure with Kurt, and part of him knew it was because there was just more to it than that. Dave pushed forward in what he was saying, trying his hardest not to somehow choke on his words. "Good. I'm glad, and I could picture myself with you too... there's just... factors. I dunno... I mean I'm not gonna lie to you, Sam... I never really got full closure with Kurt. I wish I had, cause it would make this way easier...but he just didn't want to move to Berkeley before cause of work stuff, and I respected that. It was a sudden decision. I went from thinking he'd be in Berkeley with me to him cutting all our ties, and I never got any more of an explanation than that. And then of course, I met up with you again, and stuff went well like it always does and here we are. But I dunno, maybe it's the lack of closure talking... but I don't think I stopped really ever thinking about Kurt, and the reunion didn't help a couple months back. I know it's so wrong to even think about it...and I'm so sorry about that...we just broke up kinda suddenly with him saying he didn't want to move, and I've been so happy with you, really, I have, but... part of me has to wonder."

There was no doubt that he and Dave weren't meant to be. They were always by each other's side and everything was easing going with both of them. They helped each other out in the best possible way. Seeing the family and future with Dave, he wasn't going to question that for his life. It seemed perfect in his head and of course they would have some complications but they would work it through. The kids learning how to ride bikes or play football. All in which him and Dave would make a great partnership with. Closing his eyes as he soaked in every single word that Dave had, once the mention of Kurt was set. Sam looked up with his eyes meeting Dave's. Now he was feeling even more selfish, stupid. Dave still had lingering and left over thoughts of Kurt. Sam had some of Jeff awhile ago but he had come to conclusion that they weren't meant to be. He couldn't keep the man from always having the what if's and as much as he didn't want this to be the end, Sam stepped back letting go of Dave's hands. "I can't hog you.. when you are thinking of someone else. It's not right to have you completely ignore those feelings you have. You shouldn't have to wonder. I'm sorry" With all he held back from this emotional conversation, Sam was ready to break. The blonde leaned in once more to kiss the male's cheek and give a somber smile. "Take care okay?" He whispered in his ear. Keeping Dave for his selfish reasons was wrong from Dave holding what he had with Kurt.