this whole debacle started back in july of 2023. joan reached out to me asking if i knew anyone who could help them make their rent. i'm not rich, but i like to pay it forward when i can! so i asked how much they needed, i was told $50 and sent $75 to show some extra kindness. they were incredibly thankful and asked if i wanted anything in return. at this point, i was happy just to have helped and said no.

a few days later they came to me asking for another $45, then another $60 the next day.

at this point i had now given joan $180 in total, so when they offered again to make music for me, i took them up on that offer and we started on the commission process. we exchanged discords, i gave them information about what i wanted music-wise and waited to hear back about my commission.

3 days later, they request another $40... i politely tell them that i'm not in a space where i can budget giving them another $40 and offered to give them help again when i could afford it.

later, they sent me a cover of a song they did, which i was confused by because it didn't seem related to anything we had discussed and was delivered with no accompanying message. i figured it was a mistake or that there would be follow up with context, but i never received a message from them again.

i was recovering from emergency surgery, so pestering them about my commission was on the back burner. plus, they came to me asking for money during what seemed like a rough time for them, so i didn't want to put extra pressure on them and wasn't in a rush.

i was particularly confused when in the spring of 2024, joan paypal requested me another $40 out of the blue with no note attached. i ended up dismissing it and declining the request, but made note of it in case it came up.

here's a screenshot of our paypal history:

anyway, my commission sits in the back of my mind but since i follow them on tumblr and see their posts often, i'm occasionally reminded i should reach out when i can, but it wasn't a priority for me.

i had gone to their profile a couple of times to reach out, but i kept seeing them in rough patches and decided not to add more stress to their plate. i honestly should have said something sooner, but my life had gotten hectic as well and, like i said, they never really seemed to not be going through it.

now cut to a few days ago, i wake up to seeing 10 hours ago i was blocked by them and banned for "inappropriate behavior" from the two groups i was in (and never posted in) made by them.

there was no way to appeal the ban or reach out to them on tumblr, so i went to discord to try and ask about it.

there were no hard feelings if they didn't want to interact with my blog, but if that was the case i still wanted the opportunity to get the commission i already paid for. unfortunately, when i went to their discord i could no longer message them.

after that i went to paypal and requested a refund with a note attached about my situation and how i'd like my money back if the commission is off the table.

i also made a post on here asking for advice about what to do! they then saw that post and proceeded to unblock me, call me an asshole and a piece of garbage before even getting the details of my situation.

i end up explaining what happened, sharing screenshots and again stating that i never got my commission.

once they realized i was telling the truth, they told me the "comments" i made about them on my post asking for advice was "terrifying" and that they "needed to stress vomit" before giving me their new discord and blocking me again.

i made one comment which was a reply to someone. what was the comment in question?

it was me telling someone concerned... exactly what they did.

i then added joan on their new discord, they profusely apologized, added me back to the groups they banned me from, unblocked me and offered to make me a second song in addition to the original one i had commissioned. they also asked me to take down my post, which i ultimately decided to private.

they let me know they couldn't easily refund me because they don't have $180 in their bank account right now.

despite their unprofessional and rude behavior, i was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and accept the music. i'm in a rough spot too, but i don't want to make anyone's lives harder.

i shared the details of what i wanted for both theme songs and we shared some pleasant conversation.

a little later that night, joan asked me about some of my personal thoughts and fears regarding a mental disorder we both have and things that might happen further on in life. it being late at night and me feeling vulnerable, i was honest. they said they shared similar feelings, we talked about our experiences and i went to bed.

the next day they sent me art of some characters we both like, i made a silly comment about it, quick chat over

then, right before i went to bed, i see the tumblr notification that i've been removed from all the groups, and when i check.. i've been blocked again... i reach out to them on discord to ask about it and go to sleep.

i wake up to this:

i've been accused of ignoring them because i didn't respond to them while i was... sleeping.

they've now blocked me from this discord as well, so i reached out to them via email and this is the interaction we had.

my email:

and their response...

no further correspondence? no samples? this is absolutely ridiculous at this point.

this is no longer worth the music, i would like a payment plan to get my money back and i cannot possibly recommend getting a commission from joan after my experiences with them.

edit:

after making this post, joan has made (and since deleted) 3+ separate accounts accusing me of various forms of abuse.

it started as this:

and when i didn't respond, they edited it and began to spam this comment on all my recent posts:

when people reached out to the accounts given to get the alleged proof, they were promptly blocked. (which i found out via multiple asks sent to me which are posted on my blog [ask 1] [ask 2])

there is more information about this in the relevant tags on my blog, but be warned that as of 08/21/25 they are still spamming these messages to anyone who will listen while providing 0 evidence for these horrifying accusations.

so in conclusion, if you post about your negative experiences with joan they will do everything in their power to discredit you and will harass you and anyone even vaguely in your proximity. i would block them and avoid interaction for your mental wellbeing.