#samecedes

“I should have something to take care of that headache in the house.” Mercedes fiancé spoke and his voice shook Mercedes out of her reverie. As he turned the car off and opened the door to slide out, Mercedes placed a hand on his knee.

“I think… I’ll just head home actually.” She offered up no further information.

Her fiancé stared at Mercedes for a long time. He started to say something and then promptly thought better of it. He slid out the driver side door, walked around to Mercedes’ passenger side and opened her door. He held his hand out and looked at her. Clearly he wasn’t taking no for an answer tonight.

“Seriously, I’ll be fine. I have a busy day tomorrow and I should really go home.” Mercedes gave a slight smile, hoping it’d ease some of the tension.

“Goodnight.” Was all he said before her fiancé walked up toward his front door.

Mercedes knew that this wasn’t the end of it. But she’d won this round for tonight. He was pissed, she could tell. No goodbye kiss or anything. Ugh- this won’t be any easier to explain tomorrow. But at least it buys her sometime to clear her mind tonight.

~

Later as she lay awake in bed, the last two years flooded her memory. Sam Evans. The love of her life. Or so she thought. They were together for two years. And for 1 year and 9 months, everything was perfect. Discussions of moving in together and shared holidays came into play. Everything was great. Then friends started getting engaged. They grew out of the boyfriend/girlfriend stage into something more serious. Questions coming from all directions as to when they’d be next to tie the knot. At first it was easy to dodge those questions “Oh Please. We’ve only been dating a year. It’s still new!” they’d say. Until year one started inching closer to two. Mercedes looked at Sam and knew this was her forever man. The conversations should have been easy but they weren’t.  

“I never really saw myself as the marrying type.” Those were the words Sam offered up as an explanation when she brought up the subject between the two of them.

“Then what the hell have we been doing all this time? And how come you never told me?” She couldn’t stop the bitterness and edge that crept into her voice. Not to get loud or anything, but seriously? “We’ve been dating for two years, talked about moving in together… and this wasn’t something you could have mentioned to me before?”

“I never thought you wanted any of that.” Now that was complete bullshit and they both knew it.

  Sam started becoming distant. Going out with his friends more often and staying out later became the norm. She knew he wasn’t insane enough to cheat on her and bring her some ungodly incurable disease. But the blatant disrespect for their relationship settled over them like a heavy fog too thick to dissipate.

“I shouldn’t have to call you three times in a row before you answer Sam.” “You’re always out with your boys. You have a girlfriend to tend to!” “I feel like I’m in this relationship alone Sam.” She felt herself saying these statements way more often than she ever felt she would need to with Sam.

One day while they were sitting on the couch, she – flipping through the channels and he- flipping through his phone, she turned to him and asked that question that had been rattling around her head.

“What’s happening with us? Is this relationship wearing out its welcome with you?”

Sam could barely look her in the eye. “I just… I don’t know if I’m ready for the kind of commitment you need from me.”

And there it was. Sam had been dreading this conversation, hence his staying out late. He definitely didn’t want to hurt Mercy. She was the longest relationship he’d ever had. She was amazing and wonderful and he definitely could see being with her forever. But the thought of being with one woman for ever and ever scared the shit out of him. He had love for her, but was he in love with her? The fact that he couldn’t answer that with a solid yes is what made him stay out late, not answer her calls, and generally avoid the inevitable.

Mercedes smirked. She wasn’t surprised. What she was, was extremely hurt. She would literally lay down her life for Sam, and it seemed he couldn’t and wouldn’t do the same. Why stay where she wasn’t wanted, is what played in her mind.

Mercedes promptly picked up her keys, grabbed her jacket, and left Sam’s place.

They didn’t speak for two weeks. Relationship statuses were changed on Facebook. Photos removed from the wall. Keys returned. Mercedes was heartbroken. How did everything change so quickly?

Sam on the other hand thought it best that things ended when they did. Maybe this was for the best and she could be with someone who could give her everything. He was letting her be free of him without worry.

Initially, Sam went out with his boys. For the first two weeks, he is feeling a little cocky and was doing his thing, remembering what he was missing being in a committed relationship. He let Puck talk him into hitting up a few clubs. He stayed out way too late and drank way too much and had to ask himself, why was this better than what he had waiting at home before?

Week three it hits him. He is rushing toward Mercedes’ apartment to gush about his new promotion at work. It’s about 5:15, she should be home from work. He immediately grabs for his phone as he’s half way to her apartment before realizing… She won’t answer. He doesn’t have her like that anymore. The first person he thinks to call and he has to think twice now.

That night, he calls Puck to hang out. Maybe if he’s out and about, he can clear his head. Puck’s headed out of town to visit his little sister. No one else answers.  He settles at home watching some old re-runs of some reality show that he use to watch with Mercedes. He misses her. He almost calls her but stops himself. Stubborn.

A few days later with nothing to do yet again, he takes a trip to the mall. He can’t sit at home another night. He sees the perfect ring that would fit perfectly on Mercedes finger. Whoa. Did he really just have that thought?  As he heads back toward his car, he feels this dull ache that’s been in his chest since Mercedes walked out of his place almost three weeks ago. On the way home, the thought settles on him “A part of me is missing.”

They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right?

As soon as Puck is back in town, he commissions him to go skirt chasing. Puck is always down for this. They hit up a new club in town, Sam picks up some random chick – who looks nothing like Mercedes- and successfully gets her to agree to come home with him. It doesn’t even feel right. As a matter of fact it feels completely wrong on so many levels. Half way to his house, he asks her where she lives and promptly drops her off at home. She calls him some meant-to-be-insulting name, but he doesn’t even hear it. He needs to get back to Mercedes.

He finds himself outside of Mercedes’ apartment at 3AM. He doesn’t even know if she’ll answer. It’s been over a month since they’ve even spoken or seen each other. But he has to try. He always has to try when it comes to Mercedes. It’s a thought that resonates with him and feels right. Like he’ll be living in this truth for the rest of his life.

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK*

“Who the HELL is this at 3AM?” Mercedes is awaken by an incessant knocking at her door. She sits up in bed and grabs her phone that’s been buzzing for the last 15 minutes. Between knocking and the 3 missed calls from Sam, she can only guess who it could be.

“WHAT do you need?” Mercedes answers the door, full attitude, glaring at a disheveled and pitiful looking Sam Evans.

“You.” He manages to say. Even half asleep and pissed off, she is a sight for sore eyes. “Can I come in?”

Mercedes sighs deep and heavily. “ONLY because I don’t want my neighbors to call the cops. I just resigned this lease. I have to live with these people for at least another year.” She steps aside and allows Sam to enter. Her last statement sinks in.

“You resigned the lease?” Sam asks, voice cracking a bit.

Mercedes chuckles a bit. “Oh? You thought I’d sit around and wait on your ass Sam? Thought I’d pray and pray that God would bring you to your senses and bring us back together? I could die holding my breath on that one.” She rolled her eyes. His heart sank.

Seeing the look on Sam’s face gave Mercedes a bit of gratitude. “Now you know how I felt. You couldn’t give me what I needed remember?” She was laying it on thick and he deserved every bit of it.

“I… had a girl in my car tonight. She was going to come home with me. But… it didn’t feel right. So I took her home and came straight here.” Sam let those words go. Hoping they would do something to tilt this situation in his favor.

“And… that means what to me? Is that supposed to make me feel some kind of way? I gave you my entire heart for these last two years, only to be met at the end of it all with the age old “I can’t give you what you need” bullshit line. That didn’t feel right for me. So, you may want to call that girl and tell her you’re coming back. Tell her she can pack an overnight bag and stay a while. We’re done here.” That felt good to get it off her chest. Mercedes had played this scenario over in her head a few times since she decided she was worth more than Sam was giving her and that she wouldn’t go back even if he wanted her to.

“I don’t want to try here Sam. You broke me in a way no other man could ever do. I refuse. It’s only been a month and my heart is still raw and I just… I can’t.” The anger had subsided in Mercedes’ voice by this point. Replacing it was truth and hurt.

“Listen Mercedes please. I miss you. I was a jerk. I know that now. I was scared I wouldn’t be enough for you. That’s why I pulled away. That’s why I ran. I miss you. Us. I miss coming home to you. I miss your voice. I miss …”

Mercedes interrupted his monologue. “You had ALL that Sam. And now you don’t anymore. So regardless of what you “miss”, keep those memories close because there are no new ones here. I won’t make the same mistake twice.” There, the anger had returned.

“Mercy please, let me stay.” Sam pleaded.

“What for?” Mercedes countered.

That hurt most of all for Sam. That statement alone shifted Sam out of his haze and back into reality. His efforts were falling on deaf ears. If she couldn’t see why, then there was no point in pleading. Her heart was gone… maybe forever.

Defeated, Sam turned around and walked out of Mercedes’ apartment. It was the last time either of the saw each other.

Until a full year later when he walked back into her world. Now here she was rethinking everything that happened over the last year.

~

Mercedes sat up in bed. From her window, she could see the sun just beginning to rise. It was almost 5AM. She hadn’t slept a wink.

Girl, a year ago you had this all figured out. NOW you’re second guessing everything? The fact that her heart jumped the moment they locked eyes from across the room, spoke volumes to her. Also the fact that he was still trying even a year later also meant something. That’s what made her think twice. He’d finally been in that position he’d left her in so long ago.

Once he walked out of her apartment and her life for good, she threw herself into her work, family, and her friends. Almost immediately she met the man that would become her fiancé. She convinced herself this was what was needed. Her friends all said “The new guy will be good for you.” And he was. He was definitely good to her. He gave her anything she wanted, loved her with no conditions, and was everything Mercedes needed. But he wasn’t Sam. When he proposed, she thought of how she desperately wanted his face to be Sam’s. She felt guilty accepting his proposal when she knew she hadn’t given him 100% of her heart. But… if you can’t love the one you want, love the one you’re with, right?

A text from her phone startled her out of her thoughts. She grabbed the phone and noticed immediately that it was from Sam. She was a bit disappointed it wasn’t from her fiancé. She was being selfish she knew, but she wanted to be wanted by them both in this moment. She needed both her heart and her ego fed.

Sam: It’s not too late.

“Really Sam? Really?! FUCK!” Mercedes yelled out loud. Those were the last things she needed to hear. Because she wasn’t sure if she could close Sam out as easy as she did before.

Sam: I wish I had a choice on who I loved.

Sam: I realized what my heart had been telling me all along, a little too late.

Sam: Seeing you last night changed nothing.

Sam: You know I always have to try.

The text came in at rapid speed now. She just watched as each one lit up her screen, telling her everything she did not need to hear.

Mercedes: Where do we go from here?

"I want a divorce," he says comically, chucking the yellow pie piece at Blaine's head as he and Mercedes trade high-fives and whoop with victory.

"I want a new teammate." Kurt complains, grumpily crossing his arms.

In the other room, baby Hummel snores lightly as baby Evans starts wailing, and Sam, the loser, gets elected diaper-changer while Kurt pouts over Blaine and Mercedes' shared victory.

--

The baby Hummel is screaming her lungs out just as her companion starts to wake up as well, and soon there are two screaming babies to deal with.

"This is why we can't play Risk," Sam explains as he and Blaine head towards the babies in order to fix whatever they need. "It takes too long, and the babies always wake up in the middle of it, and then Kurt gets bored and cheats."

Blaine frowns as he opens the baby's door. "But I always win at Risk!"

"That too."

He frowns as he picks up his grumpy baby girl and smells a dirty diaper. It's okay that he can't play Risk: he'll settle for Settlers of Catan.

--

"We've got to stop playing Scrabble---Mercedes always wins!"

Actually, this isn't completely true--sometimes Blaine or Kurt manage to snag a victory here and there, but most of the time, Mercedes wins.

She smacks Sam on the butt as he goes to check on the babies, and winks at him. "I'll make it up to you later, sweetheart."

--

"I WAS DRAWING SHOES."

Kurt winces. "They--they do not look like shoes, honey."

"How do they not look like shoes?" Blaine pouts as Sam and Mercedes high-five with victory. "How do we never win Pictionary?"

Kurt has been happily married long enough to know not to answer that honestly: his husband may be good at a lot of things, but art is not one of them. 

Instead, he pats the seat next to him, and wraps his arm around his husband, and makes a mental note to look for new board games, the next time he goes shopping.

--

They're supposed to be playing Sequence, if baby Evans ever stops crying.

"He's teething," Mercedes explains, wincing as her son continues to cry loudly, despite her bouncing him on her hip. "We may have to do another game, or try again next week."

Sam grins, and runs over to the closet to grab a game. "Apples to Apples! We haven't played that one in forever!"

"That's because Kurt always wins!"

Kurt finishes snapping together baby Hummel's onesie, and grins. "I think by now we've established that we all have our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to games. Let's give it another shot."

Blaine pouts lightly as Sam starts pulling the cards out. "I still want us to try Risk again someday."

"Look baby. You know i'm no good with this. I'm no good with words..." Shane mumbled as he sat at Mercedes desk in her room.

"...Okay. Just tell me what's going on." Mercedes sat cross legged on her bed. She was unsure as to where this conversation was going, but it didn't feel good.

"Look, here. Take this. Come with me."

"What's this?" Mercedes grabbed the envelope from Shane's hands.

"Two tickets to New York. I want you to come with me. I got a job offer there and I can take care of us." Shane had this amazingly stupid grin on his face.

"Excuse me?" Mercedes was baffled. Did he really expect her to drop EVERYTHING and up and leave to a different city with a man who hadn't even asked her for a deeper commitment. 

"How are you just gonna do this? How do you just show up outta no where, and expect me to do what you want?" Mercedes was shocked that he actually had the nerve to think she'd give up her life in Chicago to follow him to New York without consulting her. And what job was he even talking about?

"Babe. I been kicking the idea around of moving to New York, so I applied to a couple of companies there. One actually offered me a job. So, i'm going. And so are you." Shane stared at her as if she had no other options.

"Oh HELL to the no Shane! At what point were you going to actually ask me instead of tell me where I was gonna go? I am still in school. I want to finish my degree. I have a life here Shane!" By this time, Mercedes was up on her feet, arms crossed, fuming.

"Listen. You don't need to finish school. I got us. You'll come to New York with me. We can start over there. We can have so much. Why is this an issue for you?" Shane stated, confused.

"Hold up. I ain't playing "Suzy Homemaker" to no damn body. So let's nix that idea right now. All of what you want, you can have all of that here Shane. I don't want to quit school. I like it here. It's a long way from Ohio, but, I am just finding my place here and I. Like. It. I can't believe you don't think more of me and what I want!"

"It is a long way from Ohio. And I want to take us even further. Listen Mercy, we've been together since high school. We've come a long way together. Are you tryna just throw away all these years?"

"Listen. All we have Shane, is all these years." Mercedes took in a deep sigh and held the bridge of her nose. "And it's not enough.... anymore. Especially if you're into telling me what my life will become without my input. As a matter of fact, I don't even know WHY you're here." Mercedes was so upset, she definitely starting spewing things she didn't necessarily mean to say.

"Really? Okay." Shane rose to his feet, headed to the door. He turned around and said  "Have a nice life." And with that he walked out of the door.

The stubborn side of Mercedes yelled "GOOD-BYE" after him as the door shut. She didn't really think that it'd be the last time she would ever see Shane again. But it was. 

After day three of not hearing from Shane, she decided to call. Every call went to voicemail and every text went unanswered. She finally saw his roommate across campus and found out he'd left for New York the day before, as planned.

She could not believe it. She immediately went to her best friend Kurt's  and cried and cried in his arms for days. 

After she went to Shane's place and grabbed a box of her things that he'd packed for her in case she ever came by, she felt she'd made the biggest mistake of her life. But something inside wouldn't let her go to New York and she knew she had to stand her ground.

As she stood in Shane's doorway looking at the empty room, a fog came over her and all she could imagine was every mistake she'd ever made to get them to this point.

"Cedes. Cedes....?" She heard Kurt vaguely through her thoughts.

"Huh?" 

"Are you planning to ship Shane's things he left in your dorm, to him in New York?"

"Oh please, I would if I knew where the hell he was! Or maybe I'll just keep all that crap as a reminder... never to make the same mistake twice."

"What mistake?"

"Falling in love. Cuz that is SO played out, like an 8 track!" They laughed in the moment, but Mercedes was more serious than she led on. She would never EVER make the mistake of falling in love. Love just wasn't something her heart could handle a second time.

========================================================

Yeah. Sleep eluded her. She looked at the clock once again and it was 6 AM. She still had an hour before she had to be up for class, but at least it wasn't 3 AM.

Mercedes sighed and decided to start her day. It was Wednesday. Usually Wednesdays meant spending the entire day working up the nerve to choose which poem she might actually read if she got the courage to go on stage at the Sanctuary. However, she wasn't sure she'd even go tonight. She never missed a Wednesday, but she was plagued by the fact that she might see Sam. She was intrigued by him, but didn't want to open a portal to something she wasn't ready for. Ugh! Why did things have to be so complicated?

======================

9 PM on the dot. At this point on any other Wednesday night she would be on the train headed toward the Sanctuary. But she was still unsure if she wanted to chance it. Why the hell not, she thought to herself. The Sanctuary was like her escape and she did NOT want anyone to take that from her. She decided to swallow all of her hesitations and just go.

As she walked into the club, it felt like every other Wednesday night, but there was a twinge of something different in the air. She went over to the bar, ordered a Vodka Cranberry with Lime and took her usual place at her favorite table near the stage. The bar felt slightly more crowded than  normal, and it was definitely buzzing with energy. Mercedes chalked it up to her own anxiety and decided to relax. She watched a few regulars perform before she heard the host of the open mic say...

"Hey! Our next poet is..." He looked to his left and kind of ... chuckled to himself... "Our next poet is a virgin to the mic. But, i'm sure you'll feel him just the same. Sanctuary welcome... Mr. Sam Evans."

Mercedes could have died in her seat, RIGHT there. 

Green eyes sauntered up to the stage. "Uh, hey guys. I wrote this after a chance encounter with a beautiful soul. " Sam's gaze found Mercedes and settled on her. "This is entitled, 'Pretty Girl.' "

"Pretty girl...do you always use your smile? to get your way...

Once in a while, do you use your heart? Do find that hard to do... pretty girl? Were you hurt by love before? Too much pain for your heart to endure? Is that why you hide behind a disguise? Pretty girl? Trust in me. There's no need to run! Be yourself and what you want will come. You can rest assured ...It ain't just your beauty that's gonna get you through just doin' what the Others do when there's love happenin' for you..."

At that point, Mercedes grabbed her purse and BOLTED out the door. It didn't matter that this had become a living incantation of the song 'Killing Me Softly'. How in the hell could he have known at this precise and exact moment what she was feeling?! How could he have read her thoughts? Her heart? Coincidence? Not really. Mercedes was already on an emotional rollercoaster being that today was November 16th, and then Sam of ALL people comes along and reads a poem that hit closer to home than anyone could ever have imagined?! No. Just no. She hailed the first cab she saw and high tailed it out of there. No more Sanctuary no more poems, no more nothing. She was done with it all. 

Sam ran out immediately after her. All he saw was her sliding into the back of a cab and driving away. He couldn't understand what the hell just happened. He contemplated following her, but felt that wouldn't turn out too good. He decided that whatever he'd done, he would let the dust settle first. There was something about her he couldn't shake. He thought meeting her in her element and at her level would work in his favor, but obviously not. This wouldn't be the end of it though...

"Open your eyes...And realize ...That your worth more...So so much more... My pretty girl...I'm pretty sure...Your worth much more...So so much more..."