Highlights:
âIâve only ever been sexually attracted to three people in my whole life,â wrote one self-Âdescribed demisexual, Olivia, a few years ago. âMy partner is sexually attracted to that many people during particularly sexy bus rides.â
(LOL)
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âEvery single asexual Iâve met embraces fluidityâI might be gray or asexual or demisexual,â says Claudia, a 24-year-old student from Las Vegas. âUs aces are like: whatevs.â
Friends and family often find such identities flat-out strange and assume that itâs all some kind of postadolescent phase or that something is seriously wrong. They might wonder if itâs really just a stop on the way to homosexuality or maybe the result of trauma or a hormone imbalance. But to those who embrace this approach to sex, itâs just how they are. Sex is âfascinating from a clinical point of view, but personally? No,â Rae says. âI have better things to do with my time.â
The conventional wisdom today is that lust and gratification are natural and healthy, a nonnegotiable aspect of being human. We presume that freedom of sexuality is a fundamental human right. But the idea of freedom from sexuality is still radical. It is an all-new front of the sexual revolution.
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For people suffering from hypoactive sexual desire disorderâloss of libidoâthe condition is disturbing because they remember and keenly miss that feeling, says Brotto, who contributed to the criteria for female sexual arousal disorder. By contrast, most asexuals never felt strong sexual desire to begin with, so theyâre fine with it.
Friends and family, not so much. Brottoâs study of 806 men and women, published in 2013 in the journal Psychology & Sexuality, found mental health issues were more common among asexualsâperhaps as a result of stigma and isolation. âEveryone is pressuring you: âWhy arenât you dating? You need to get laid. Why arenât you paying attention to these women?ââ Mike says. In general, asexuals arenât persecuted so much as shunned and mocked. âWeâre not demonizedâweâre laughed at,â Genevieve says. In one recent small survey conducted by two psychologists at Canadaâs Brock University, asexuals were rated negatively. Asexuals just seem less than human, people said.
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âI spent 15 years being embarrassed about everything, and Iâm not doing that anymore,â Rae says. If itâs not quite asexual pride, itâs something very close.
