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I went on a lil unfollow spree (i was following a lot of inactive/not-spn-anymore blogs) and my following count is only two digits atm, which means my dash is going to be dead most of the day. So, please like/reblog this post if you are a 100% spn blog, with tagging system, absolutely NO Sam/Jared or Dean/Jensen hate (i’m very serious about this), Wincest shipper/supporter (my blog is at least 80% so... yeah. btw, I don’t care if you ship any other ships if you tag them!) & hopefully s11/12 supporter. Also I like to be in a mutuals relationship with everyone i follow (so i can feel like we’re all friends here).
I’ll promo everyone i follow throught this/all my mutuals who help me get the word out. Thanks! <3
Okay but hear me out.... – I was meaning to write just a little headcanon, just a few sentences but it turned into a little more. Sorry about the angst, it was also meant to be a happy one……! Some SamDeanJess because I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately!
Stanford!Era Dean checking up on Sam every once in a while, whenever he’s anywhere remotely close, and that includes a three-day drive to Palo Alto – it’s remotely close, he can justify it to himself, somehow. He doesn’t let Sam know he’s there, he simply spectates, waits until he sees his baby brother, happy, laughing and with friends, or by himself, walking with a book in his hand and reading while almost walking into a lamp post. He smiles to himself when he sees Sam, but he wouldn’t ever let Sam know he’s there. (insert as much angst as possible right here)
He always sees Sam, every time he’s there, sometimes he has to ask around, especially the very first time, but he always gets to see his brother for a few minutes, until Sam walks into another building, or around another corner. Sometimes Dean stays there for a few nights. “To make sure Sammy really is okay, because maybe he just caught him in a moment where he LOOKED okay.” Basically, he makes excuses to stay longer, to see Sam a few more times. But he always sees him. Until that one weekend when he arrives, and waits in front of what he believes was Sam’s apartment the last time he came to “visit”. He waits all day and all night. He sees nobody leave or walk in, he sees no lights being switched on or off. Sam either isn’t there or he doesn’t live there anymore. The next day, Dean starts asking around, and a few hours later he finally finds out that “Oh, you’re talking about Winchester. Right, sorry he’s away for the weekend”. Well, it had to happen eventually. So Dean decides to stay for another night, maybe just to figure out what to do now, or to come up with a good enough reason to stay for a few more days, to wait for Sam.
Anyway, Dean decides to go to the bar just across the motel he’s staying at, just for a few beers and maybe a game of pool. He could use the money, if nothing else. And it’s nice, being surrounded by students, people that are out just to get drunk, for no other reason – ok maybe also to get laid, in many male cases, as Dean realises quickly. He hasn’t seen a single girl by herself for longer than three seconds since he sat down, and that creeps him out a little – and I mean, he isn’t even one of them. So when this really pretty blonde girl who is trying to get the bartender’s attention is being aggressively flirted at, Dean gets a little angry. She’s telling the guy to leave her alone, she’s pushing him away, standing up for herself, and Dean likes her immediately, but the guy doesn’t give in. So finally, she turns around, just before Dean’s about to jump in, and looks him directly in the eyes. She’s not afraid, she’s simply very annoyed. “Listen, fuck off, leave me alone, and never touch a girl without her consent. Ever. Again. And I swear to God, if you do, I’ll find out. And when I do, you’ll wish you didn’t possess those two tiny balls that make you think you have the right to do it in the first place. Understood?”
And Dean is smiling. He’s smiling like he’s never smiled before. When the girl looks at him with an irritated look as though she thinks he was going to try it next, Dean holds up his hands, signalling that he won’t try anything.
“That was cool.” He tries to sound casual but it’s impossible after that. He’s genuinely impressed by how she handled herself.
“I don’t think it’s cool I had to do it. I’d rather be able to go out and not be groped by some creepy guy at a bar.”
“Yeah, well, I guess I can understand that.”
She shrugs, gets her drink and leaves without another word. But Dean can’t stop thinking about her, and eventually he turns around and scans the room for her. When she sees her sitting with a group of girls, he watches them, laughing and chatting, and he wonders if Sam has ever met her, if he’s friends with her. For a few seconds he wonders if Sam would be one of the creeps trying it on with the girls, but Dean knows his brother, and he knows Sam would never. He realises that out of the two of them, it would be more likely for Dean to be that guy. So he stops thinking about that as soon as it occurs to him, and starts concentrating on the girls again. He’s deep in thoughts when the blonde girl is suddenly standing right in front of him.
“So, you’ve been watching us for a while. Seen anything interesting?” Her voice doesn’t sound exactly angry or offended, and her smile indicates that she’s more amused by the whole thing than anything else.
“Sorry, I didn’t even notice, I guess.”
“I’m Jess. My girls are leaving but I don’t want to go yet. Mind if I hang out with you for a little while?”
Taking control again, saying what’s on her mind, not playing any games. Dean loves it.
“I’m Dean and, if I said no would you actually leave?”
“Nah, I’d stay. Just wouldn’t talk to you.”
And Dean loves her. Her attitude, her personality, the way she’s sending out all this positive, vibrant energy, the way she looks, with her beautiful blonde curls and her brilliant smile. Dean forgets about everything else, why he’s here, that he was until a few seconds ago still heartbreakingly in love with the one person he could never be with, he forgets about the kind of life he’s living, and about any kind of monster. It’s just her, because she’s wonderful.
They spend the entire night together, talking and flirting, but nothing more. She makes it very clear that there won’t be nothing more. And eventually, when Dean gets restless, she tells him that her boyfriend is currently out of town, that she loves him very much, and that she’s sorry. And Dean’s heart breaks, in a flash his heart is broken by this girl and he remembers that it had already been in pieces before. But he won’t let her know. He shrugs it off and smiles cheekily. “Whatever, who said I wanted more than just a little chat?”
Dean finds himself having breakfast with her the next morning, and they happen to hang out all day, talking and laughing and watching a film, until at seven in the evening she turns to him and smiles sadly.
“My boyfriend is coming home tomorrow.” She doesn’t look him in the eyes, and Dean knows that she wishes her life was easier right now.
“Don’t worry, I was just driving through anyway, I’ll be gone by tomorrow morning.” For the first time that day he thinks of Sam. He remembers why he’s here in the first place, he wonders if Sam might be back tomorrow, if he should stay that one extra day. His heart contracts violently when he realises why he hadn’t thought of Sam until now. It’s because Jess is so much like him, in so many ways. She’s funny and kind and beautiful, she knows what she wants and she’s so passionate about what she loves, she is so calm and has such a wonderful energy about her that Dean was completely relaxed and happy with her. In just one day he has fallen in love with her – he has fallen in love with someone for the first time in so many years, since he first realised how much he cared about his brother – and at the same time, as though through proxy, he has fallen even deeper in love with Sam.
As Dean gets up to leave, he can’t stop himself from saying “I hope he makes you happy. You really deserve a great guy who makes you happy.” And Jess looks at him and smiles because “He really does. He’s wonderful. He reminds me a bit of you.”
Dean stays one more night at the motel, and decides to stay the next day. Not to spy on Jess, he tells himself, but to see if Sam will be back. He decides not to ask around this time, just to wait until nightfall and if he doesn’t see his brother by then, he’ll leave. Every time he sees a blonde tall girl walking on the sidewalk next to him, or a tall boy with beautiful brown hair, his heart begins to beat faster. He hates it. He hates all of this. How could he, in one day, fall even more in love with the person he can never have, whilst falling in love with another person he can never be with? It’s getting late in the afternoon and he has almost given up, when suddenly he sees him. Sam, his beautiful baby brother, the most beautiful person he will ever know, tall and handsome with his boyish looks and his big smile and those dimples that he would die for. And his heart stops. It stops because Sam is the reason it’s beating, and the reason it’s breaking, and the reason it’s broken. But something else is making his heart ache, suddenly and unexpectedly. Sam is walking towards a tall, blonde girl, with a smile as gorgeous as his, and when they meet, their embrace is strong and longing, and the kiss that follows is intimate and deep, and Dean wants to look away, but his body isn’t working, his muscles aren’t reacting to his commands, because the girl his brother – the love of his life – is kissing, is the girl he has fallen in love with within just a single day.
It isn’t until years later, when Sam openly talks about his love for Jess, that Sam confesses that he first fell in love her because she reminded him of Dean – of his strength and stubbornness, his radiant and beautiful energy, his joking and his humour, and everything else that reminded Sam of Dean. She became his new home, a new anchor. And Dean realises with more regret than anything else, that had he approached them on that day, they all may have had the chance to be with the people they loved more than anything in the world – the three of them, together.
(tagging some fellow members of the samdeanjessnet bc i can ;) you’re welcome guys ;D @sheriffjodes @canonsoulmates @willingwinchester @samwinchestertrash @tequilasdean @adoredean @flawlessam )