#safe-utdr

“Oof.” 

You let out a small ‘oof’ as you hit the pile of leaves, landing on your back and staring up at the hole you fell through. The purple stone of The Ruins is all around you. After a moment of blinking slowly upwards, you extend your left arm and raise your hand palm-up in the air over your head. You’re thinking about how it looks like in anime openings or AMVs sometimes when characters do that, and that it’s cool. 

It does kind of look like that. And it is kind of cool.

“How many times has this been?” I think at you.

“Only three or four,” you think back.

I huff mentally. “No, Frisk. Not falling down these holes and landing on the leaves. The whole, everything. Not even just resets, but getting to see Asriel and everyone leaving The Underground and stuff.” I try to cover up my small outburst of emotion and hope you didn’t notice too much.

You lower your arm, resting your hands on your stomach. “I don’t know,” you think. “It’s like Flowey says, it’s—. It’s like waking up from a dream sometimes, you know? They kind of blur together a couple back…” You heave a big sigh and kick your feet. “What about you? Do you know how many times?”

“I…” I mentally furrow my brows. “I’m not great at keeping track of stuff like that. Math is for losers. Tch.” So what if I’m not as great at hiding my emotions as I’d like to be.

Silence stretches on with neither of us saying anything. You close your eyes fully. Eventually I speak up again in your head.

“Frisk… How many more times do you want to keep doing this…? It’s not like Asriel and I need our bodies back that much… Perhaps a change of priorities is in order, and it’s like Asriel said, our parents have moved on, them seeing us again—”

“Stop. Chara. You deserve a happier ending. Both of you do. And your mom and dad love you! They wouldn’t be anything but overjoyed to see you again, I know this. And me too… It’s not just for you, you know. Your family loves you.”

I mentally lean my head on my hand and roll my eyes at you, but I can’t help giving the energy of a small smile.

You smile as well, and lace your fingers together.

“Can we just lie here for a little while?”

“Yeah, of course, yeah.”

***

After only a moment of pause, Papyrus continues on with: “WELL!!! THIS CHALLENGE!!! IT SEEMS… MAYBE… TOO EASY TO DEFEAT THE HUMAN WITH. YEAH! WE CAN’T USE THIS ONE!!! I AM A SKELETON WITH STANDARDS!!! MY PUZZLES ARE VERY FAIR! AND MY TRAPS ARE EXPERTLY COOKED! BUT THIS METHOD IS TOO DIRECT! NO CLASS AT ALL! AWAY IT GOES!”

The various spikes and spears and flamethrowers and dogs are retracted back from whence they came.

“PHEW! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!? THIS WAS ANOTHER DECISIVE VICTORY FOR PAPYRUS!!” 

“NYEH!!” 

“HEH!!” 

“…” 

“HEH???”

After Papyrus confusedly makes his exit, you step off the rock-painted-like-a-bridge, feet crunching into the snow covering the ground. You turn and look over at Sans still planted in his spot to the side where he’s been watching the scene unfold. Sans shrugs at you and says, “i don’t know what my brother’s going to do now. if I were you, i would make sure i understand blue attacks.”

You give a polite nod at him and turn to continue on towards town, but he stops you. Seems like he has something more to say?

“hey, kid. you’ve got this look in your eye… you seem dead set about something. determined, you could say? i know you must want to befriend my brother real bad, but uh. no need to be a hero about it. take care of yourself.”

You set your mouth in a line and give another nod, then a hesitant little wave over your shoulder as you turn and head towards Snowdin.

…

“Frisk… I hate to say it, but do you think he may have a point?

You shake your head side to side. “No. Sans is funny, and likes to assume his assumptions about things are true… but it’s not like he really knows anything about us.”

I pause for a second

“…Assume his assumptions…?”

“Sumptions his wumptions?”

“Gumptions his dumptions???”

(… That little bit of impromptu nonsense wordplay got you smiling.)

“Chara.” The goofy smile falls from your mouth a little and turns into something more wistful (Uh oh). “I know you’re trying to look out for me. Thank you.”

“You’re… very welcome.”

“We don’t need to be turning to Sans for advice, though.”

“…I suppose we can agree on that at least. I don’t like when he threatens you. And his puns are B grade at best.”

“Okay no need to grumble, Chara,” you giggle. “And Sans isn’t that bad, in the end. The point is though, I want you to trust me. If there can be one human you can trust—”

“Frisk!!!” I laugh, “of course I trust you. We’re, like, family, you know? How many times has Toriel adopted you? I’ll always trust my family. And I’m sure you could even count as honorary monster at this point, if you wanted.”

“Hmm, I’ll have to think about it…” You do a dramatic little shrug. “But, good. I’m glad you trust me. We’re going to keep on going and I’m going to save you. Both of you.”

(Oh. Oh no. Oh geez, oh crud.)

“Um, Frisk, I don’t know if—”

“Ah ah ah!!! You don’t get to say you don’t deserve it! We talked about this, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember, but—”

“No-butts!!! Hey, how about we go get a cinnamon bunny? I bet that’ll cheer you up!”

“… That’s very thoughtful of you Frisk. Alright.”

“Yesss-!” You do a little victory pose and start skipping to get to the shop faster.

…

“Frisk, you remind me of myself sometimes.”

“Thanks!!!”

(…I don’t think you get it.)

***

Water falls all around us as a familiar tune begins to play. You kneel in front of the old statue, the red umbrella propped up in its arms. The ground is wet and dirty, but even still, you know I would be kneeling beside you if I could. You know I would bow my head if I could. I would put my face in my hands. I would embrace it in a hug and weep on its shoulder. Every time.

You pat your hand on the ground beside you, seeming to understand. I can feel the stone and grit.

“You’ll get your hands dirty. Not to mention your knees already. The water makes all the gravel and stuff stick to you.”

“I know.”

“Woshua wouldn’t be pleased.”

You chuckle lightly, and bow your head for a quiet moment.

After a long couple minutes of silence, you tentatively ask: “Do you remember the music box that’s in here?”

“Of course. It was a gift from our parents. Asgore had a friend who did craftwork like this. It’s beautiful… I, uh, I think this is a good home for it now. We really loved exploring Waterfall.”

You smile a little. “You know it’s not that long until we can see Asriel again, right?”

“I know that!!! Silly!” I respond, exasperated but a little amused. “It’s just that, well… Ugh. You know…” I trail off.

“I do know.”

“He deserved better, he does deserve better. He was so scared and alone as a flower, and then, and then there’s this, the journey and The Barrier, but then he’s just alone again? Even when we can get him to come with us, he still won’t tell mom and dad who he is… and he’s still stuck as a flower! How is that fair…”

“I feel the same way… but about you too. Stuck without a body, also not ready to tell our parents. And I bet that he would feel the same as well. Asriel would want us to be doing this.”

…

(Ugh. If only they knew.)

“Just let them go. 

Let Frisk be happy. 

Let Frisk live their life.”

(What have I been doing. Frisk… you… You have a life too…)

You only seem to be half expecting a response; you’re already hoisting yourself to your feet, and leaning over to give the statue a goodbye kiss on the top of the head. You have so many confident, bright feelings radiating off your soul. I take another look at the statue as you politely step back, before you turn to continue on. 

Asriel…

“Um. Yeah, I guess you’re probably right, huh. He would want us to be doing this.”

You smile confidently and give a nod, marching onwards and outwards through the caverns of Waterfall, its denizens mostly watching on from out of the way. 

(Frisk… I remember when we first met, when you first fell into The Underground. You were so frightened, so afraid and beaten down. Every kindness was like a miracle to you. You were intimidated by the size of the pie, wouldn’t leave mom, and then kept getting captured by Papyrus because you wanted a place to stay. Look at you now, huh… I just hope you can stay this way, keep your determination and your hope, I don’t know if what you’re trying to do is even possible…)

***

The sweltering heat of Hotland is all-encompassing as you make your way along the stone path, the large pool of magma stretching out to your right with The CORE plunked right in the middle of it. Always a little uncomfortable coming through here with that sweater of yours. Not that I can critique your choices in clothing, though.

You stop midway along the path and turn and look at The CORE.

(I’ve been doing my narration schtick as usual, but I’ve been kind of tense since the statue in Waterfall… Maybe it’s time for a good-natured joke.)

“Hey, Frisk,” I nudge you mentally, “you ever think about jumping in there?” I ask, referring to the large pool of magma.

You roll your eyes at me. “Uh, yeah, obviously.” I raise a figurative eyebrow at you. “Not like I’m going to though. Too hot for a bath, don’t wanna become Frisk Soup today.”

I chuckle at that. “Also the magical platforms that save you if you fall.”

“Oh yeah, also that.” We’re both giggling a little now.

After a moment though you cross your arms and put your hand on your chin  thoughtfully as you survey the familiar scene before us. “Hey, Chara. You know Gaster?”

“Uh, yeah…?” I have no idea where you’re going to go with this question, but I hope nowhere too personal about my past.

“… What do you think was his creation that he fell into…? Was it The CORE?”

“The CORE?” I echoed, “hmmm. Lots of places to fall into in and around it I suppose. All the magma that feeds it, and then all the glow-y foggy stuff inside… It’s certainly magical as heck in order to generate magical power, obviously, but I’ve never heard of a reason for it to have the power to shatter someone across time and space…? Not like I know that much about it though… it’s not my specialty,” I sniff.

“And you’re not even a scientist. And you’re like thirteen.”

“I suppose,” I say, doing the mental equivalent of looking at my fingernails. “You’re like, twelve though? So don’t get on my case about it.”

“Hmm, I suppose,” you say in mockery. We manage to last two seconds before smiling at each other and giggling again.

…

(Perhaps it would be constructive to inform Frisk more about what I know of the machines in The True Lab… Well… Maybe one of these resets if it becomes relevant. We’ll see.)

***

Your quiet footfalls across the wooden floorboards make some of the only sound to be heard in the house right now. The white and grey colour scheme lends a feeling like an old photograph. It’s so quiet, no one happens to be visiting at this time, and Asgore spends so much time in the garden taking care of the flowers. I clench your fists unconsciously.

“Before we get the keys and your stuff, is there anything in particular you’d like to see this time, Chara?”

“… The teacups. In the cupboard in the kitchen.”

You nod, and smile, and take us over there.

You reach up on your tip-toes and open the cupboard doors. Inside are plates, bowls, and a collection of painted teacups, all sitting on a yellow checkered cloth. I mentally indicate which one I want and you pick it up for me and bring it down. It’s white porcelain with a soft green and yellow floral design on it. I can feel the weight and coolness in your hands.

I remember sitting at the big table, beside Asriel on the long side, mom and dad on both ends. Sometimes, an hour or so after dinner, the family would have tea together. And I was always invited (But it was okay if I didn’t go, and stayed in our room instead). My brother and I would have herbal teas, I liked the floral ones. I remember mostly listening, to the warm happy conversation of a family (My family, I’d only just barely been able to accept that). Listening to the low, comforting sounds of talking back and forth between our parents, my brother’s bright, excited additions to the conversation, it’s a memory that is unspeakably precious to me now. I would occasionally be asked to join in with my thoughts on something, or how I’ve been doing, but never pressured to talk more than I wanted. Everything was always gentle encouragement but never forcing me into anything I wasn’t comfortable with yet (The kindness was overwhelming, I’ll never be able to pay it back in full).

I remember Asriel nudging me under the table, passing me a folded-up note while our parents were talking. A promise in his handwriting to show me a new secret hide-away, along with a little doodle of us. 

We smiled at each other then, and I can feel myself smiling now, my emotions soaking over to Frisk’s body across the soul that we share.

“It must be a good memory,” Frisk thinks to me.

“Mhm, it is,” is all I respond.

I blink the tears out of Frisk’s eyes, coming back to the present. I look around the empty kitchen and feel us in an empty house. The reality is still there, my family is scattered; my brother and I died, and mom and dad at complete opposite ends of The Underground. And it’s my fault.

I look at the teacup in your hands and think about if we were to drop it how it would shatter. I think about how once we reset it would be back together, back on the shelf. I think about Flowey.

I don’t think about the warm mental waves of comfort that you’re sending me, or how you’ve lowered your trembling body to the ground in a crouch and are rocking us back and forth soothingly. I don’t think about how I failed to make my thoughts as private as I would have liked.

“Hey, Chara, it’s not your fault, okay? You’ll be okay, we’ll get your family together again properly, I promise. I’m not going to stop trying. It’ll be okay…” I listen to you go on with your reassurances. I’m appreciative for it. It takes a minute but I manage to even out our breathing which I hadn’t noticed had become slightly frantic. “…Your family loves you, they would never blame you for anything.”

I gaze out the kitchen doorway at the family dining table, focussing on the details of what I can see. I take the biggest inhale and let out the biggest sigh possible, and send you a mental thumbs-up. I take all my feelings of guilt and failure, and I take all my feelings of belonging and love from my memory, and I try to hold them between your hands in this teacup.

After insisting repeatedly that I’m okay enough for us to get up, you do get us up, and return the teacup back to the shelf we found it on.

“Alright Frisk, you lead the way. Let’s get to seeing Asgore soon though, I still feel like I’m suffocating a little bit from all of this memory and feelings and junk.” (And the empty house and the quiet and how I’m not going to cry more I just need to get moving). “It’ll be nice to see him again, even if he’s… going to try to kill us— oh geez we’re on a rollercoaster until the end huh.”

You grab the key from the kitchen and add it to your keychain, and then set off in a little jog out through the dining and living room to the hallway. “Not true! We’ll have a nice event with Alphys and Undyne set up! Courtesy of Papyrus and his Flowery Friend.” You do a little smile at me. I do a little mental eye-roll at you, but smile too.

“Thanks for your help Frisk, you’re a real life saver.”

“Hehe, shucks Chara, anytime.” You add the hallway key to your keychain as well. You linger outside the door to me and Asriel’s bedroom, as if asking if I’m ready. I signal an affirmative and you open the door.

Two neatly wrapped presents, as always. “Thank you Flowey,” I say in a slightly teasing but affectionate tone. You sit down cross-legged to open up the two gifts. My heart-shaped locket and rusty knife, best comfort items I could ask for.

…

Before you can get up off the floor, I speak up and think at you “You know Frisk. You’re putting a lot of burden on yourself for me. This… mission that you’ve taken upon yourself for me and my brother’s sake. I’m grateful, very much so. But I want to make sure you know you can rely on me too, you can ask for help, I’m here if you need to talk about anything… I feel like it’s been a few resets since we’ve visited the quiche room—” 

“Ha—! Chara, you’re hilarious. You know I’m always okay!”

“That’s… not true.” I’m a bit surprised at your sudden reaction.

Perhaps realizing that that sounded slightly forced you wiggle awkwardly in place and try again. “Well, I may have climbed a mountain that it’s said people disappear on, that’s true. But! I’ve made so many friends, and I have a new family now! It’s all so bright and colourful, and I’m so happy to have ended up here. This journey together through The Underground, meeting everyone… There were tough parts, but finding out how kind monsters can are…! And then the catharsis at the end, I couldn’t ask for more.”

“Okay, but… This has all happened, according to both of us and what we can remember, uncountable times since the first. How is it going enjoying being with your new family when we keep leaving everything and going back to the start?”

“I—,” You sound taken aback, “there was a time I stayed with them on the surface for a while!!!”

“And then you came to me begging for me to reset again, because you couldn’t bear not having gotten the perfectest, best, most happy ending! Because you need to be the best, most perfect kid possible, and you need to be everyone’s hero!!!” … I stop, realized that was maybe a bit harsh. And that I might have accidentally said all that out loud with your mouth.

I slump and let go of your body. “I’m sorry, Frisk. I’m going to say it outright, which is hard for me; but you really do remind me of myself, and not in a good way. I don’t want you destroying yourself over trying to save everyone. I can’t make you stop, and I’m not going to abandon you, we’re partners in this; but I just want you to know that it’s okay to ask for help. Will you remember that? Please?”

“…Yeah, I’ll do my best.”

Shoot. You sound kind of broken-hearted. 

“I’m really sorry Frisk. I’m just. Scared for you. But I shouldn’t say things like that. It’s not your fault. I love you, Frisk, you’re the best sibling I could ask for. Or, well, tied for first place. I hope you understand.”

You giggle a little bit. “You too Chara. I never thought I would have a family like you, and Asriel, and Toriel and Asgore… I love you too. And I guess you’re right. Maybe I do have problems.” You’ve leaned back from your cross-legged position and are now lying on the floor. “And you’re the last person I should be hiding from. We share a soul. So it’s kinda silly.”

“It’s not silly, but… I see what you mean.” We smile at each other again.

You tilt your head back, peering under my bed. “Hey Chara! You want anything from under here? Oh—, woah… I never realized how cluttered it is under here…”

“No, thank you, Frisk. I’m good,” I laugh. And I do feel good for now actually. “I can collect my things once I have my body back. And it’s cluttered because eventually I was no longer hiding under there all the time.” I chuckle a little and you beam an absolutely radiant and sappy smile at me.

Even if you’re hell-bent on repeating my past mistakes, I’ll be right there with you the whole way.

After your lovely commentary on how I keep my side of the room, we’re ready to get up and continue on our way. We a brief look around in Asgore’s room, head back out to the middle of the house, and then turn to make our way down the stairs. Just as you’re about to step down, we both notice something yellow out of the corner of your eye. You turn your head, and there’s Flowey, in the front doorway of the house. He looks at us, and we look at him, and then he burrows away into the ground.

***

Streaks and splashes of colour and light fill the world around you. Like a thousand prisms broke open and spilled their rainbows. Stars rain down like the sky was falling. The world is ending. Again.

We hug Asriel tightly.

***

“Frisk… Don’t you have anything better to do?”

Asriel twists around a little to look at you from where he’s kneeling in front of the golden flowers, having sat down when he thought you were leaving. His small look of surprise changes to a pinched brow as you sit down beside him. You cross your legs and start running your fingers over the flowers, both of you bathed in golden light from the late afternoon sun.

Asriel settles back into his previous position, resting his paws on the soil on either side of his knees, looking down at the flowers, up at the hole in the ceiling, and then sideways at you. He gives a little sigh.

“I guess you can stay here a little longer, just… not too long, okay?”

You nod a little at him. A minute or two passes.

“You know Frisk, I don’t know everything that’s going on with you… The Barrier has broken and monsters can go free, but it’s okay if you still have your own problems.” He shuffles nervously. “I hope you know it’s okay to ask for help out there; you have a new family who really loves you! Of course you could tell me about anything, but… it’s just that I’m going to be a flower again soon… But you should tell Toriel, Asgore, or even Papyrus if there’s something on your mind!”

“I will”, you sign, and smile.

When you get up to go, I manage to quietly mumble out “See you later, Asriel.”

***

“ …

I’m sorry.

You’ve probably heard this a hundred times already, haven’t you…?

…

Well, that’s all—”

“Wait”

“Wait? You want me to wait?”

“I have— I have heard it. A hundred times before.”

“Hah, and what, you want to gloat about it…?”

“No, you’re right. It’s been too many. I want to ask for help. I couldn’t ask for help when I was still alive, but I’m doing it now. And I know you want us to let Frisk go, but Frisk is too, we’re asking for help.”

“… You and me both,” Flowey smiles ruefully, “what do you want me to do about it though?”

“Nothing right now, I just. Thought you should know. Keep the family in the loop whenever we can and all. We’ll talk after the reset, okay? Try not to attack us right away.” I smile back.

“Haha, well, no promises. I don’t know what you two are up to yet, and I can’t say I’m pleased it’s taken this many resets, but. I guess I’ll look forward to being filled in, in the past.” He scoffs a little. “See you soon, Chara.”

I take a ghostly breath, clench my fists, and fall back.

***

You open your eyes and see the morning light filtering down from the hole above us, filling the cavern around us, and dancing on the golden flowers cradling your body. Motes of dust drift through the air.

You sit up and rub your eyes, looking around. Flowers, crumbling pillars, and an entranceway before us.