i hate being from a dead source. i am our oldest system member and a core part of our identity, and god...i'm so lonely. at least at mint eye i felt loved, even if it was painful. my life has been similar to my last, and every day i miss my brother more. i miss everyone more...i just want to be able to talk to him, know how he's doing, know that someone knows i exist in this empty terrifying world. if i died now, just like then, would anyone even know i existed at all? am i doomed to be unwanted in every life, and forgotten about afterwards? i would give anything to talk to the rfa again, even my Savior...i miss her too, but i feel like that's less okay to admit. i don't want to seem codependent, but saeyoung is literally my other half. what am i supposed to do without him? i'm surviving, sure, but it's cold and lonely and i hate it. i want to watch the clouds with him, get ice cream, even just see his name pop up on my phone. anything other than this agony.
i miss you, saeyoung. i'm tired of how much of my lives have been spent missing you. i wish more than anything that i could find you again.
- saeran, mystic messenger
x
