#saengthian

I like you so much that if I don't tell you how I feel, I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

La Pluie's manner in utilizing imagery really depicts what it means when a 'picture is worth a thousand words.' Since the first episode I had been anxiously awaiting La Pluie's dive into the fallout of Lomfon and Tien. Anything I had conjured up when I was imagining the scene did not even come close to how palpable Tien was hurt. Taking in, at face value, the image of Tien on that bench is painful enough, but the comparison to Tai, Lomfon, and Patts makes it hurt even more.

This time around, not only do I think that La Pluie was making a statement on Tien's own pain as the odd one out, but I also think they were showing the levels of isolation, connection and vulnerability that all four of them have found themselves in.

Isolation vs. Connection

Patts, Lomfon, and Tai finding reprieve in their respective homes after the fallout of their shattered connection is significant. They're sitting, boxed in by the four walls of their homes alone, struggling alone, for the first time. They are finally completely and utterly isolated. None of the three ever really wanted to have their condition, but they were all tied together by the laws of nature in their universe. For once, they have the isolation that they had wanted, left just with their thoughts and without the intrusion of others in their mind, but that means the three of them going to have to come to terms with how lonely that actually is.

They're struggling through their pain isolated, physically separated and emotionally confined. Their respective homes are acting as a barrier from any form of contact with the outside world, Tai is especially disconnecting himself due to his nature of being conflict-avoidant. Tai seeks the comfort of isolation, because when you're isolated, nothing will rock the boat. Nothing can breach in and hurt you. Tai and Lomfon are the ones that have fully become trapped, emotionally confined and isolated into the four walls that surround them. They are forced to be with their own thoughts and feelings, to think about how their choices really lead them into that isolation. They're both choosing to hide their personal struggles and emotions, internalizing them, breaking all meaningful relationships (intentionally and unintentionally).

Patts seeks answers and comfort, a connection, first with Nara, yet he ignores her existence only downing drink after drink, because that’s not the connection he wants. Patts wants his connection (both literally and metaphorically) back with Tai but Tai physically shuns him out. As a result, Patts is also left alone, trapped, but not by his own volition. Tai isolates him, just as he isolated his own family when his parents divorced. Patts now takes the place of Tien, sitting outside his door. The key difference being that Tien knew that Tai sought the isolation, sending him only a note of reassurance, while Patts is trying to get him to open up while he's left in the other room to deal with own wound. All three of them are left to shield that pain away from the outside world, hidden by their walls of their home.

In contrast, we have Tien, truly alone again, but this time he's just a numb shell of the vibrant and brash man he used to be. The only one that finds himself outside, still in his soaking wet clothes, ruminating in the pain. He's the unassuming collateral damage. He's the one that has always been totally alone before this, always the outsider looking in. In Tien's perspective, Lomfon readily throws that in his face, even knowing how sensitive Tien is, because Lomfon was only thinking about his own pain. Even if he had been interested in Tien before, the moment that Tai confirmed that he had been the one that saved him, for a split-second Lomfon was willing to try to believe in fate. Neither Tien nor Tien's warning ever crossed his mind in that moment. In Tien's view, Lomfon wanted to figure out his heart, but he did that at the cost of his friend by messing with his brother. The very brother that Tien had broken down and cried to Lomfon about, when Tien realized he hadn't "cared for him properly". While Lomfon might have only been the catalyst of the actual psycho-connection break with Tai and Patts, he's the one that unintentionally created the actual separation with Tien.

Yet, the fact that he's not boxed in, not confined, he's the only one that was willing to be vulnerable. He's outside, where anyone can see him, on a bench that is big enough for two people. In an invitation for someone, anyone, to come look for him or to comfort him. The emotional toll that the night has taken on him is absolutely visible to anyone that would pass him by. For the first time, he's not hiding his true emotions behind a mask. Out of the four, he's the only that is exhausted of hiding and distancing himself. The only thing that hiding got him was being sidelined by everyone he loves. So he's not hiding anymore, he's alone, but he's not hiding. His vulnerability is in complete display to whoever crosses him, he needs support and he might be unconsciously seeking that connection with someone (anyone), because the only connection that he did have, blew up in his face. But nobody comes, because he's hidden behind that mask for so long and he's put himself second for so long that people have forgotten that he has actual feelings and needs to be cared for as well. They've forgotten that Tien, behind all that brazenness and self-assertiveness, still needs someone to look out for him.

Internalization vs. Externalization of Emotions

The image of the the three sitting in their own homes, in comparison to Tien who is all alone outside in his soaked clothes sitting in a bench, elicits a poignant portrayal of the internalization and individualized suffering that the three are undergoing. Each one of them are secluded in the confines of their own home, a microcosm that consists of the painful emotions that they are all experiencing. Patts is dealing with the fact that Tai doesn't meet his needs, fails to verbally choose him, and the thing that tied them together has completely broken apart. He’s clearly self-destructing with every drink he takes and the way he angrily calls Tai’s bluff, but it’s all the safety of the privacy of his home. Tai is dealing his own internal battle with his (misplaced) expectation for his actions to be sufficient for Patts when he doesn't verbally express himself. The only witness to his turmoil being Duer. Meanwhile, Lomfon is battling with the emotional fallout of having chosen to test out his feelings with Tai while losing Tien. While he might have been aware of his own feelings for Tien, he was completely caught off-guard that those feelings had been reciprocated. He knows just how much his words hurt Tien and the tears are threatening to spill. They're all pained by the fallout, but they're keeping it internally hidden behind the safety of closed doors.

All three are burdened with the weight of their own personal responsibility that caused the falling out of their respective relationships, and they're navigating the significance of that. With all the introspection that they are doing and are having to do, they've isolated themselves, hiding all their emotions behind the safety of their home and not allowing them to be seen by prying eyes. The shots of them in their own home side by side only shows their individualized suffering which has lead to lack of shared understanding. They're all making choices that lead them to isolation and loneliness, failing to allow any support to come through the doors of their homes. It's a choice that they have taken, to internally sort their pain out without the help of anyone else.

Meanwhile Tien, who has no where else to go to, is left to sit on a bench outside, without the ability to change or wash away the pain that he incurred. For once, he's fully vulnerable. There's no amount of brashness or rudeness that can hide his own pain now. This time he can't keep his own emotions under a mask so he's not able to go comfort Tai because he's reached his limit. He can't compartmentalize anymore, because the one person he thought he could find a safe-haven in, hurt him the most.

He's emotionally exhausted and overloaded. He's stuck taking care of other's emotions, putting theirs before his own, leaving little time or space for him to wade through his own emotions. He doesn't allow himself to grieve his family life, the divorce affecting him just as much as it affected his brother, instead he sacrifices his emotional well-being. The lack of emotional respite has reared its ugly head and he's not able to even cry. In that moment he's just an empty shell, shutting down because how do you deal with a flood of emotions, all at once, when you did everything in your power to not have to? He had his walls built high, which Lomfon had started to breach only to find out that Lomfon, in his perspective, was only ever interested in his brother.

He's tired, he's worn out, he's given too much of himself already. The one respite, the one person that he thought he could turn to, was never really his. So he shuts down. There's no tears for him to cry, instead he shuts down his emotions as a means of self-preservation. Shutting down grants him protection from even more emotional turmoil and vulnerability. It's a means of self-preservation for Tien, because the only time he dares to think he means something to someone, he gets burnt. Abandoned, an afterthought, othered. Tien being stuck outside, his numbness and shell-shocked exterior, he's still choosing an outward expression in a public location where someone can come find him. Ironically, the lack of emotions is the most obvious and outward depiction of just how much in pain he is. Yet, nobody comes looking for him. Nobody ever does. Not his brother, not Lomfon, no one.

The one time that he's externally showing that there is something wrong, nobody comes searching for him. He's left on a bench made for two in the same wet clothes, outside and alone.

Final Thoughts

I think not only does the imagery of Tien outside wearing the same clothes as before while Patts, Lomfon and Tai had changed and washed up, in the warmth of the homes, really says a lot about where Tien is, emotionally, in comparison to them. Like @heretherebedork said, by putting himself second in every aspect of his life, he has also unintentionally hurt others [Lomfon in this case]. I don't even think Tien realized how emotionally exhausted he was this whole time, putting the happiness of his brother first, because he always distanced himself from the problems in order to be able to take care of his brother.

Tien is able to compartmentalize but he's not good at delving into his own emotions so he won't let himself ruminate in them. Instead, he's going to build his walls higher and tougher, to the point where he thinks he won't ever need to depend on anyone again. He'll go back to being the doting and hard-headed brother of Tai, not even seeking an apology for leaving him behind, for not checking up on him, because he'll never expect that out of his brother. He's Tai's emotional caretaker, not the other way around. This only reinforces his conditioning of independency and chronic escapism from his emotions, because the moment he needed and wanted someone else, nobody showed up.

List by StayDandy Synopsis : Saengtai never believed in destiny or things such as "Soulmate" but rather in his ability to make his own choices. Every time it rains, the sound around him silences, making way for the voice of his soulmate to be heard. On the other hand, Phat patiently waited for the unfamiliar voice but had never been fortunate enough to hear it. Even in the midst of a downpour, the voice of his soulmate was elusive. Their differing beliefs were like a game of tug-of-war played in the rain, with a rope of fate pulled by a stubborn person trying to win the other's heart and a denying person trying to escape the truth. If destiny played a role, would Saengtai be able to go against the will, or would it be Phat, who had been played by destiny? (MDL) AKA : I Loved You, That Time it Rained

Whumpee : Phat Wetchutianan played by Pee Peerawich Ploynumpol • "Tai" Saengtai played by Title Tanatorn Saenangkanikorn • "Thian" Saengthian played by Suar Kritsanaphong Sripattiyanon • "Lom" Lomfon played by Copter Nuntapong Wongsakulyong

Country : 🇹🇭 Thailand Genres : Romance, Fantasy, Supernatural, BL / Boys Love

Notes : This is a Full Whump List • Adapted from the novel "La Pluie" (La pluie ฝนตกครั้งนั้น…ฉันรักเธอ) by eddy • I actually loved the supernatural concept of the show at the beginning - but just over halfway through it started to get messy. Wasn't a fan with how the story progressed.

Episodes on List : 8 Total Episodes : 12

*Spoilers below*

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