#pattstai

boyfriends 💙💛

I’m a full week late to the party because I was watching I Told Sunset About You last week and my mind just refused to focus on anything else. And now I’m finally here to write a send-off post to my beloved La Pluie, which gave me one of the most satisfying and interactive TV show experiences of my life.

I’ve been singing praises for this show’s writing for weeks now, and what better way for me to say goodbye to the show than by analyzing two immaculately written getting-back-together scenes from the finale?

Lomfon and Tien

When we last saw Lomfon in the penultimate episode, he apologized to Tai for kissing him in the rain and effectively kick-starting this whole mess. We also saw how he has worked through his feelings and understands that whatever he felt for Tai is not love; it was only rooted in Tai’s goodwill towards him, a few shared traits between him and Tai, and the fact that Tai saved his life by pushing him out of the way of a moving vehicle (a 15 second interaction, I will never get over this insanity). And Lomfon says that all this experimentation has made it clear to him where his heart actually lies.

And now, in the finale, Lomfon is working on the script for his “A Message from the Heart” project and seeking advice from Pingpong.  We see that he fully understands how much he has hurt Tien with his actions. He tells Pingpong “I messed up so much that if I were him, I would never forgive myself”. Tien overhears them and confronts Lomfon, demanding to know if he’s messing with him. “Say it”, he shouts. But Lomfon does not respond, instead insisting that he will “show him with his actions”. And Tien walks away.

This is where I realized that this show is gonna really dig in its heels and fully emphasize how much open and honest communication matters in a relationship. Love can be expressed in so many different ways, and a person’s love language is definitely unique and significant to them. But when words are DEMANDED from you, you must respond with them. You cannot work around the painful and brutal honesty that is needed to form those thoughts, and the strength and bravery needed to stand in front of the person and utter those words.

That’s why Tien walks away from Lomfon when he insists that he will “show him” instead. And that’s why he leaves the room when Lomfon’s project video starts playing. Bear in mind, as far as Tien is concerned, Lomfon still likes his brother. Lomfon has not clarified or explained anything that would justify why Tien was on that presentation screen. So when he asks demands Lomfon, and Lomfon once again tells him that he showed his heart through his actions, Tien turns to walk away. It’s when he finally opens his mouth and starts verbalizing his desire, his fears, his confusion, and his guilt, Tien stops and listens. And when Lomfon asks him what Tien feels in his heart and if he still wants to follow it, Tien finally turns around and kisses him (I will be forever obsessed with the tippy toes).

gif by @liyazaki

I adore the fact that this show never outright rejects any form of expressing love. While Tien rejected actions from Lomfon before he made his intentions clear with words, we see that after Lomfon’s confession, Tien feels no qualms in resorting to a grand and sweeping gesture, like an intense kiss that definitely popped Lomfon’s foot (the foot pop is not purely a physical act, it is a state of mind, The Princess Diaries analogy is still right and valid, I will take no critiques).

Patts and Tai

The road to redemption for Tai is much longer and harder than it was for Lomfon, and the show fully leaned into it and showed us the weight of emotional turmoil Tai must endure to finally earn forgiveness from Patts. We see him have an epiphany about how his lack of communication with Patts mirrors his mom’s approach with him (@lurkingshan). We see him finally talk to Dream, who reiterates that Patts liked Tai before he knew that they were soulmates. And we see Tai take the leap of faith and catch a flight to Chiang Mai to find Patts. My love for this show grew to uncontrollable levels when it did not let Tai find Patts immediately.

He roams the streets, day after day, trying to find the love of his life. And when he comes back to his room every evening, exhausted and alone, he sits in the dark and contemplates how painfully lonely it feels to find and communicate with someone, when your efforts don’t seem to move the needle at all. And realizing this is exactly how Patts must’ve felt in the two years of silence Tai decided to put him through. He meets Art and Phueng, who teach him, yet again, just how important it is to talk and listen to each other in a relationship. And finally, on Day 4 of his quest, Tai runs into Patts on the streets of the local marketplace.

When Tai sees Patts, Patts looks like the mere husk of the man he once was. And Tai wastes no time and starts talking immediately, asking Patts to stay silent so this time, he can be the one who speaks out his love for him. Tai admits that he was stupid and selfish in their relationship. He says “Love is about two people. It does not need destiny to pave”. And he finally, finally says “I love you, Patts. I don’t care if it rains or not. I do love you no matter what happens”. And we see Patts wrap Tai into his body and promise to never let go of him again.

gif by @liyazaki

Now, I have to stop and give Title Tanatorn all the flowers in the world for his outstanding performance in this episode (and the show as a whole). He made me feel Tai’s soul-crushing pain and sadness, and also soothed my tender and bruised heart in the span of mere minutes. This scene was the culmination of Tai’s character development arc. He went from a guy who felt so jaded about love and relationships that he had been ghosting his soulmate for two whole years, to a guy who stood weeping in the middle of the road, pouring his heart out to Patts who only wanted Tai to love him back the way he loved him. And Title Tanatorn fucking nailed it.

And Pee Peerawich is no slouch either, as my boo @wen-kexing-apologist has already established, here. In the finale, he delivers a sublime, understated performance that does not take the spotlight away from Tai, while also perfectly reflecting Patts’ emotions on his face during Tai’s confession. These actors are so incredibly talented and did everything they can to augment the brilliant work of the writers of this show. Y’all have my attention, Tanachot Prapasri and Fuke Teerapat. I will diligently show up to watch your future works, even if it’s just your grocery lists dramatized into a TV show (shoutout to @so-much-yet-to-learn, who, when I voiced this statement, immediately and unironically piped up “Have you heard of this show called Ingredients?”. My BL buddies are hilarious as fuck and I will never be not impressed by the lengths Thai BLs would go to sell stuff to the masses).

Finally, I want to focus on a moment in the finale that kinda threw me off at first but, as the days passed, slowly grew into its significance. Dream tells Tai that Patts left with one last message: “I believe in soulmates. Saengtai is my soulmate”. Isn’t that.. weird? We know that Patts has openly stated before in this show that he wanted to defy destiny, and how his love for Tai is not just because he is his soulmate. For him to state this in the final episode seemed like an odd writing choice.

But, in the final voiceover, the show tells us (through Tai’s voice) that no one chooses to find an answer (to the hearing-loss-soulmate phenomenon) anymore. Instead, the people in this world are choosing to attribute whatever meaning they want to it. We have seen Patts say that Tai is his soulmate many times throughout this show, but he doesn’t mean it in its traditional sense; he means “I love Saengtai and I believe that I can’t live without him, which makes him my soulmate”. He paves his own way, and earnestly believes that Tai is his soulmate not just because they can hear each other when it rains, but because Tai understands and completes him and they find happiness in each other's company. In short: Fuck Destiny.

Since we were teased with a setup for a potential second season, I want to wrap up this post with a smattering of potential scenarios that have borrowed into my brain:

@bengiyo gleefully pointed out that when Lomfon suggests that he and Tien wait for another five minutes before going back into the classroom, so Tien won’t be forced to watch his embarrassingly sappy video, more than five minutes has already passed since they had walked out. Which means that Lomfon made a 10+ minutes long video of just Tien being cute and giggly and adorable. I love this over-the-top, madly-in-love Lomfon and I better get many, many more moments of him being pathetically sappy about Tien in the next season

I want the Patts-Saengnuea moment recreated beat by beat, including the sunglasses flip. If I don’t see Saengnuea on his tippy toes, menacingly lean into Lomfon’s ear and threaten him with bodily harm if he ever hurts his little brother, then what’s even the fucking point?

The comedic potential of Lomfon being forced to socialize with Patts, while he tries to make himself as small and unassuming as physically possible is a treasure trove and must be treated by the writers as such. The possibilities are endless. Warun and Saengchan would be menaces, trying to cook up situations that would force them together. Tai and Tien would act exasperated, while secretly enjoying the shenanigans. Gimme all of it.

My experience of watching this show is indelibly tied to all the wonderful metas I read here. The sense of community around this show’s discourse was incredible and a joy to be part of. Thank you to all the amazing humans who decided to be very not-chill and not-normal about this show: @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @ginnymoonbeam, @wen-kexing-apologist, @liyazaki, @respectthepetty, @syrena-del-mar, @chickenstrangers, @rocketturtle4, @williamrikers, @shouldiusemyname, @sunshinechay, @slayerkitty, @indigostarfire, @iguessitsjustme and I know I’m missing many more, sorry! And a special, with-cherries-on-top shoutout to @lurkingshan for putting the La Pluie meta roundup together, and encouraging people to participate in the discourse. Peace out, homies! And as always, FUCK DESTINY!

If you've never made an AI girlfriend before, SweetDream is the gentlest on-ramp. The creation flow is clear, you don't need any technical know-how, and you end up with a companion who feels alive in just a few minutes.

The narrative is allowing him to make the worst, the most ugly choice, but more than that. It is letting him be unlikeable. Especially in a non traditional way.

The most memorable non likeable protagonist to me is Emma Woodhouse from Emma (I think I also might have Austen on the brain from Step By Step don’t judge me). She is vain and arrogant and generally doesn’t listen to a lot of people until she has finally alienated so many people in her life that she is forced to stop and to ask herself, “am I the problem here?” When she realizes the answer is yes, she goes about at least attempting to improve. She apologizes to the people she’s hurt, trying to be more humble and learn more humility and to generally be a better person. She is not the most amazing person by the end, but she is better and she will continue to work on herself the further in life she gets.

I see a similar thing happening to Saengtai. While he is not rude or vain or arrogant (hence non traditional unlikability) but he is that guy who will just, not say anything. He is the person who will ghosts his kind of ex because he doesn’t know how to start the hard conversation. He can’t help but make a lot of things about himself and his struggles and his problems, even when they’re not. I mean, he holds a grudge against his mother for 2 years about the divorce and her getting remarried but never bothers to attempt to ask her about anything, about how she feels about the divorce or her remarriage. He is selfish and self cantered and conflict avoidant to fault. He feeds into Tien’s belief that his feelings don’t matter by never noticing when his brother is struggling, up to and including Tien’s feelings for Lomfon. Again this might be unintentional but it is no less selfish.

I really love that about his character. That he is allowed to act that way without being portrayed as the bad guy or the villain. He is now being afforded the opportunity to grow and reflect upon himself. He starts that this episode with apologizing to Tien and having that open discussion with his parents and brother. His parents had to start the conversation because of how much they left out of their initial explanation of their divorce to their children but it is still proves to be a learning opportunity for him and I believe Tien as well. I don’t mind this as I think it would be good (though a little cliche and trope-y) for Tai’s big attempt at communicating and communicating effectively be with Patts (I love cliches and tropes and I’m not sorry about it haha). His parents know and understand in the way that Tai thinks Patts should already and are thus able to better understand and predict what Tai is upset about and what he needs to talk about the most. Patts however, has no such ability.

I’m almost hoping that Tai’s first attempt kind of fails as no attempt at a conversation is perfect and miscommunication happens, so it’s important it make sure you try and again and again, especially when you know the other person is as important to you as Patts is to Tai. Plus Patts deserves to have Tai fight for him. He’s been through so much and I think it would go a long way for Patts to be able to see that Tai isn’t going to give up when his first try goes badly.

I also really liked his meeting with Lomfon. Perhaps not the ending, but I don’t blame him for Patts’s reaction either. Tai had no reason to believe that Patts would show up. He just wanted to clear the air with Lomfon and offer his support and friendship. Both Lomfon and Tai are in a very similar position to one another so it’s no surprise to me that Tai finds it the easiest to talk with him and forgive him.

Saturday... It really wouldn't be Saturday if La Pluie didn't decide to serve me some heartache with a side of Tien. We're finally getting to the crux that that has been plaguing our characters. La Pluie has been positing this question of since the first episode: How do you choose who to love?

Since last week, I can't help but think of the transformation all four of our protagonists are undergoing due to the love or idea of love that they hold. Honestly, you can utilize any form of psychology to analyze media, but this time around I couldn't help but pull towards Jungian psychology, due to its more mystic and spiritual roots (especially in the conversation of love) that I find so fitting with the plot of La Pluie. This will not be an exhaustive study of Jungian theories on romantic love, but more of a focus on a couple of specific Carl Jung quotes that I find to be analogous, so I will be diving into those.

Explaining Jungian Theory on Love and Life

Simplified, Jungian theory holds that there are three elements that make up the human psyche: the ego, the personal unconscious, and the collective unconscious. Jung found that to fully realize one's talents and potentialities, humans have to integrate the conscious and the unconscious. He referred to this theory as 'individuation' and held that individuation would only begin when the human experiences a 'crisis', because of the emotional power of crisis breaks down the ego and initiates questions regarding meaning of life and self. The ultimate goal, under Jung's theory, is to become a fully realized state of self-hood and individuation is what allows one to become fully-realized by combining the ego, personal and collective unconscious through the experiences one has.

Romantic relationships, while unable to be reduced, contribute to one's ability to become fully realized. Jung held that love can be a crisis, as Eros is the creator of all higher consciousness and humans are the victims of cosmogonic love. Fundamentally, to be fully fulfilled, two humans seek a psychic relation with one another, because of an awareness that love will fulfill the spirit and the spirit needs love. Now the journey in finding that love and the experiences you have during while being in love is what really determines how you develop as a human. As a result, falling in love can shatter the ego and experiencing ego death allows one to develop into the transformed self.

Some other accompanying Jungian theories that is necessary to understand for my analysis are the following:

Ego death, while not explicitly stated in Jungian theory, leads to the dissolution of the false or constructed self that is built upon societal expectations, conditioning and attachments. Essentially, through the stripping of one's egoic identity, a more authentic nature is revealed, resulting in a profound shift in consciousness. Ego death results in the ego transcendence and expansion allowing integration of the ego with the conscious and unconscious, which Jung's mainly focused on.

Shadow refers to the repressed aspects of an individual's personality, the parts of ourselves that we deny, disown, or suppress because they are unacceptable, immoral, or incompatible with our self-image. It consists of both negative aspects, such as anger, greed, and jealousy, as well as positive qualities that we may have neglected or denied. Integration of the shadow does not mean indulging in destructive or harmful behaviors, but rather embracing the totality of who we are and finding constructive ways to express and channel those repressed aspects.

Chemical Reactions with Tai, Tien, Patts, and Lomfon

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: If there is any reaction, both are transformed."

Through the transformative reaction of love, one may learn to distinguish between who they really are and the image that is forced upon them or what they imagine themselves to be. Just as chemical substances cause a reaction that transforms the substances, he theorizes that if two personalities come together, both individuals are similarly transformed. He holds that personal growth and development can only occur when two humans are able to have an authentic and meaningful connection. Through loving another, this includes their shadow aspects, we learn to love the shadow aspects in ourselves.

First, let's talk about Patts and Tai, the couple that is/was most apparently destined to be together.

Even before knowing that they were soulmates, Patts had an immediate attraction to Tai. An attraction so intense that he was willing to throwaway the soulmate connection for Tai, without even an ounce of awareness that Tai was his soulmate. Meanwhile, Tai was facing his internal battles long before even meeting Patts face-to-face. He was in constant struggle with his "shadow" self, because of his conscious rejection of the soulmate bond. Tai's rejection and suppression manifested through his silence, an active denial of the condition that bonded them. The moment that Patts walked into that café, Tai's perception on their condition and willingness to love changed. Tai's parent's divorce didn't only bring the soulmate connection into question, but also love and human connection. Bow made that explicitly clear about Tai.

Much like when chemicals meet, Tai and Patts were converted and rearranging their perceptions about their conditions and their willingness in regards to love. They wouldn't have undergone this process if it wasn't the other at the end, their willingness to change their understanding and start the process to transform was because it was Tai and because it was Patts.

The meeting of two personalities does not indicate that just anyone will cause this 'chemical reaction' to occur. We see this through Patts and Nara relationship, as well Lomfon and Tai's non-relationship. There is no question that Patts really did love Nara, the pain of his breakup with her is testament to the love that he had for her. [@lurkingshan had a great post about Patts and Nara's relationship]. Yet, Nara's insecurity with the idea of Patt's having a soulmate didn't change even when Patts swore he was committed to her. There was no conversion or sudden change in their perception that could overcome the obstacle of the rain connection, instead there was just the collapse of their relationship. Now in episode 10, we see that Lomfon finally tells Tai about their connection and Tai doesn't question the relationship he has with Patts. He still held that he was in love with Patts and the sudden connection with Lomfon didn't change his feelings towards him, the only shift was his understanding of how the rain connection worked.

Moving onto Lomfon and Tien. Quite literally, the moment that we met them, we saw the reactions that they were causing one another right off the bat. Their personalities, on the surface, absolutely did not match. If this was actual chemistry, their chemical reaction would be more of a combustion.

Lomfon struggles with a similar shadow at Patts and Tai, but to a more volatile degree with his distaste for the idea that his condition would somehow lead to his soulmate. Yet, it's still a question that plagues his mind as we saw in Episode 10. He's struggling with and Tien's relentless belief in the idea of soulmates is threatening his own ideals. He's built himself up to be a skeptic, or an atheist as @shortpplfedup stated, and the fact that he has not one but two soulmates all of a sudden. On top that he is self-aware of his developing attraction and feelings towards Tien, and he even seeks his opinion and like always, Tien's reasoning is opposite that of Lomfon's.

Tien, on the other hand, has the most different shadow to deal with than the rest. His temper and brashness is at the forefront, a shield of sorts, that he utilizes to keep people from stepping in and getting to know him. And it works, it works so well, that he's sidelined by almost every single important person in his life. He's self-sacrificing, generous and over-attentive of others to a fault, and to his own detriment. He uses his light (the brashness, etc.) to hide his true emotions and he neglects himself. Lomfon comes in and challenges his understanding of soulmates and offers him what nobody else has done in his life, a place where he can actually display his emotions. Tien is an enigma, he's friendly but never truly open to the others. Lomfon is playing an important hand in unraveling the walls that Tien has built for himself.

Tien, Tai, Lomfon, and even Patts are embarking the journey of overcoming their ego-death to reach self-discovery. Tien's understandings, plus idealism, surrounding soulmates are being shaken and the walls that he had laid down for Lomfon are likely going to be rebuilt higher and even more impenetrable. His brashness had been beat at the cost of his sincerity being disregarded. Tai has destroyed the ultimate connection that tied Lomfon, Patts, and him together. He finally made a choice, but that also means he's truly alone for the first time since the night that his parents divorced. Patts has finally had his cool and collected demeanor ripped away, unintentionally. He suffered seven years of silence, after finally reaffirming his love for Tai being beyond their mutual condition, he's back to being shut out. Lomfon... I'm with @bengiyo on this one... Talk shit, get hit. For all his rationality that he poses with Tien, he's really the one that has reacted the most from his heart rather than his mind.

Now that all four of them are undergoing their ego death, the question that remains to be seen is if they are going to make it out in tatters or will they come out with a deeper understanding of themselves and their partners?

Choices, choices and more choices

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Jung's understanding of personal growth revolves on the idea that while individuals are shaped by their past experiences and external circumstance, one can overcome themselves, through conscious choice and self-determination. The ability to choose allows humans to have the possibility of transcending their limitations and shaping their own identity and the future that strive to fulfill. Rather than leaving one's fate at the hands of fate, Jung's theory encourages to take responsibility for their lives by making intentional choices, taking an active role in shaping their own lives leading to higher self.

The choices made, and the (pseudo-)lack of choices made, were so apparent in episode 10 that it was almost painful to watch. @liyazaki has a great analysis on Tai's choice in this episode where he chooses to break his own pre-determined destiny. For someone like Tai, who has actively chosen to take a back-seat in his life, this was supposed to be a turning point for him. While he's choosing to not be a product of his pre-determined environment, he's failing to take the front seat driver side in his love life. Like @ginnymoonbeam said, Tai is incredibly conflict-averse while Patts very much prefers to address conflict. Tai's avoidance is still very much a choice and it's a choice that ultimately not only lead to the destruction of the connection but also to the breaking of his relationship. He could have chosen Patts, much like Patts implored, but he didn't, he ran. His choice of running ultimately left him alone, mirroring the night that his parents announced their divorce. His choice gave him what he thought he wanted, but isolation was never the key to his happiness, and I think he realizes that now in the aftermath. [@sunshinechay has a great deep dive into Tai's state of mind after the bond has broken due to his choice]

With Tai's silence, Patts is driven to a point where he cannot just continue to be patient. I'll be honest, I'm going to refer a lot to @lurkingshan's post about the guys and their conflict style for Patts' portion, just because I'm much less well-versed in who he is as a character. Before even making any choice, Patts does what any reasonable lover would do, he double checks with Tai. He checks in to see if Tai is where he said he would be. Like @lurkingshan said, he finally thought there was a sense of trust and understanding between them two and instead he's met with lies after lies. He questions why it was so hard for Tai to choose him, why Tai couldn't just say something. Something that would explain how their whole relationship became twisted, but instead he was met with Tai's silence and when Tai does speak, it's an ultimatum. While Tai offers the bait of breaking up, Patts is the one that makes the choice for them. Just as Tai never explicitly chose him in this episode, Patts ultimately doesn't chose to continue with Tai either. No matter how much you profess your love, when you're presented by an ultimatum and silence, how much is there to salvage? Patts chooses to stop catering to Tai, to stop coddling him, because Patts has his own needs and insecurities that are not being met. It takes two to tango and today, Tai didn't show up, so Patts made the choice to surrender.

Arguably, the only one that didn't make a choice or was even granted a chance to make a choice before hell broke loose was Tien. Instead, he was collateral damage to the choice that Lomfon made. His confession, was not so much a choice as it was a reaction to the combustion that occurred and he was left helpless to watch. And the pseudo-choice that he did make, incurred by the hypothetical question that Lomfon provided, was made without all the details. Tien made a pseudo-choice with a bias that Lomfon was already aware he had, instead of posing the question with the inclusion that he had two soulmates which could have shaken Tien's answer, Lomfon formed the question in a way he knew how Tien would answer. Instead, Tien becomes accidental casualty of his environment due to always being on the outskirts. The only choice he made this time was to not stick around for his pain to be visibly seen or felt. Lomfon was the only one that had seen him at his worst, at his most fragile, and this time he walks away.

Lomfon... Again, where to start with this kid. If I think Tien had no choice, I think Lomfon, on the other hand, made way too many. The main choice that really seemed the most intentional was his choice to kiss Tai. @heretherebedork really hit it on the nail, rather than the soulmate bond (that he presumably would have thrown away to explore things with Tien), it was his choice of holding the significance of the keychain, of their original meeting, higher than his feelings with Tien or even the soulmate connection. For all the scientific and factual hot-takes that he makes regarding the idea of soulmates, he still chose to pursue the idea of fate. While he might be skeptic of the rain anomaly, he doesn't choose to be a skeptic of the keychain coincidence.

The Jungian theory about intentional choices is that they form who one wants to become. It emphasizes personal agency and the ability to transform oneself, something that is a bit counterintuitive to the idea that the deafness and connection with someone in the rain leads to your soulmate. All four of them have the potential for growth and to consciously shape their destiny, yet ironically, the most skeptical about fate, of the four, made a choice based on the idea of destiny. Personal growth isn't linear, but making a choice is a start.

Bright light in a dim world

"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being."

Jung's understanding of human existence depends on the idea of the primary of our lives to bring forth 'inner illumination' in the existential darkness that can accompany mere existence. The "darkness of mere being" refers to a state of existence where individuals may feel disconnected, lost, or lacking a sense of purpose or meaning. It is a condition of living without tapping into our deeper nature or engaging with the depths of our psyche. By kindling a light within, one's creativity and individuality, one can bring awareness, consciousness, and meaning to their lives. This inner light is a source of inspiration, growth, and transformation.

We've finally reached the moment where any ounce of happiness or loudness that Saengtien would have mustered has been lost. In the aftermath of the fight, he's left to pick up the pieces of his brother again. Only this time, he's learning that the one that he likes didn't have him in mind. Much like his name, where a candlelight can be indispensable in the darkness, it can also be snuffed out just as easily. Tien, who's in the outside looking in throughout his whole life as the third child in his family, is also left disconnected by the one he likes. No matter how much Lomfon had liked Tien, even without Tien knowing, he didn't think of him when he found out that Tai was the one that saved him. Tien has become the afterthought. The first person to reach out and attempt to uncover his mask, is the same person that verbalizes the position that Tien is always left in. An outsider.

"What does that have to do with you?" Seven simple words that are arranged in the only way that it could truly pain Tien.

Tien, who masks his pain under his brashness and his prickly self, who hides his own feelings for the happiness of those who he loves. After all the mistakes that Lomfon has committed, Tien still pauses the moment that Lomfon states that he was in pain. Yes, Lomfon fucked up and hurt his brother, but Tien also cares about Lomfon's happiness and he would still put Lomfon's feelings before his own. Until Tien's own insecurities were used against him, even if it was unintentional. Tien has done everything in his power to be the 'candlelight' in the darkest times for everyone else. And for once, he thought he found someone that would be that same beacon of light in his own life. Instead that possibility was extinguished and his sad reality was thrown in his face.

This time around Tien needs to be more careful with his 'candlelight', he needs to learn to put himself first, to finally say what he truly feels and not prioritize the feelings of others over his own. He's pieced himself together to be the person that everyone can depend on, but that meant giving up who he really was. He got trapped into being the odd man out, an outlander in his own home and in his love life, because he never prioritized himself. To find that inner illumination in the mere darkness of life, he has to learn that his happiness is just as important and to strive towards achieving it. Once he learns this, he can also grow and become self-realized.

Final Thoughts

Please be patient with me as I take a sharp turn into how different their relationship is in the bl landscape and the concept of soul-mates in their reality (there are squirrels everywhere)

Tai is signalling what he wants and doesn't want, and Patts reading him so well.

We're seeing Tai climbing on Patts for the second time now, showing his need to control the situation. This time Patts tries to get on top, but he's attentive enough to let Tai lead.

Once Tai feels he's losing himself, he stops. Further showing his need to control what's happening, letting his head win over his desires. Which For me personally, is very relatable...

I feel that if Patts hadn't stopped their first interaction saying he wants Tai to be ready and fully present in the moment, Tai wouldn't have felt comfortable communicating the fact that he's not ready yet.

Then. Then! Patts reaction being so real but at the same time not pressuring. Priceless!

Then. Then. Then! Tai's offer! I'm gone.

Tai is a gay man. He is human with needs, desires, inhibitions, fears, and worries. We are seeing ALL OF IT in the way he communicates with Patts.

This is so different from what we usually get in BLs. I don't see them as falling into traditional roles in this relationship. There's Patts who is more experienced and has already been in a relationship, as opposed to Tai who is new to all of this. Having this "imbalance" in the relationship is not used in the typical way it usually is. Tai is not led by Patts. He is the one setting the tone and dictating the pace. Usually, it will revolve around consent, but not here. Here it's all about doing things differently:

Everyone is rushing them into a relationship because it's what they should be doing. They are soul-mates after all. It keeps coming up in every interaction they have with the people around them. However, they choose to take a different path.

They are testing the water before they are officially relationshipping, which is not the traditional path most bl couples take, especially where there is an imbalance such as age gap, experience, or status.

There is no hesitation or childish panic when they are together or when they share a room on the trip. Tai doesn't run away or shy away. He does need some time to gather himself, but that comes back to his need to control the situation and lead with his head and not his body (desire).

Even when Tai holds back, it's not the typical oh let me back away so you can chase me. Tai wants to be intimate with Patts, he just knows his boundaries. He understands Patts reaction and he shows him that he's not rejecting the sexual intimacy. He just wants something else that he can handle. Right now he can't handle losing himself, he can however, handle getting Patts to lose himself. And it shows in his expression when they fall asleep that night.

As for the soul-mates thing, I think it simultaneously makes it easier and complicates their relationship...

On the one hand, placing them in this soul-mates relationship with them accepting that they are meant to be together, makes it easier for them to communicate their needs and taking their time with it. As I see it, it helps them take the pressure off. However, at the same time, we have Tai being well aware of Patts past, as well as his own parents' soul-mates fate, which brings about a ton of insecurities and doubts about where his own relationship is heading.