Apr 5, 2022
Yesterday, on my birthday, my father said
"I don't have children."
"I don't have children."
twice
My brothers couldn't understand the weight of these words,
but I did, goddamn I did,
even if he didn't mean it.
And so at 2:11 am
I tore myself apart
into shreds and pieces
to feed the wolves
my father seemed to love
more than me,
if he loved me at all.
I ripped my lungs out
for the wolves he loved
and I couldn't breathe
not because I didn't have lungs
but because I was drowning
in a bottomless ocean
of agony and self-disgust.
My birthday was over.
-𝓓, from 'Wish he understood'
