#sad!harry

It has been a while since Harry broke up with his girlfriend, eight months to be precise. He still hasn’t talked to Y/N about what really happened. Y/N remembered vividly when it happened, all that she knew was they were going on an anniversary vacation together, the next thing was Harry asking her to come and said that they canceled the vacation and then cried because they broke up. Y/N knows that when something like this happened, Harry will tell her what happened when he’s ready, so she knows better not to try to ask what happened until then.

So, when Harry immediately texted her that he’s ready to talk about his break up, eight months later, she rushed to his home and dropped everything just to be there for him and hear whatever he is going to tell her.

“So?” she asked, they were sitting in the bungalow of Harry’s home. One of Y/N’s favorite thing about Harry’s home is how homey he made it. At first, when it was still on construction, Y/N thought it was going to be super luxurious according to Harry’s ex taste. She remembers that Harry said in one of his super drunk phases, that he builds this house for his girl, well he didn’t actually state her name, but in that time, she was still his girlfriend. But, it turns out she didn’t even intervene on a single thing, instead he peeked at Y/N’s Pinterest board, on their joint account, called ‘Future Home Inspo’ which made her super mad at him because he stole her ideas. However, she secretly thanked Harry because there is no way she could make her ‘dream home’ happen at any time soon, she still has to pay her university tuition which is where almost all of her money gone.

“Ask me any question you want, ‘M ready.” He stated while taking her legs on his lap, this is their usual position when they are talking in his bungalow, they can talk for hours there which usually made Anne, Harry’s mum, shakes her head when they see them in his bungalow, they really honestly can just stay there for days if it wasn’t because of Anne who usually told them to eat or finish what they were talking about.  

“I don’t even know where to start, maybe just tell me what happened?” she asked, then picked some of the French fries that Harry has prepared prior her arrival,

“To be completely honest, love. I don’t even know either. I remember the fight on the way to the airport, we were arguing about how she does not want me to take any business calls on this vacation, but then Jeff called, said there’s some emergency which I obviously picked up, and then she rambled on about how I never made her my priority; said that my priority has always been my family– which is normal, and then work, then you and her. Which then I told her it’s impossible for you to be in the same level as her because I consider you family, and the next thing that I know is that she canceled the trip and broke up with me,” Harry explained all of that with such ease, that she almost cannot believe that is the only thing that happened,

“Is that all?” she asked in disbelief, still trying to get as much information as she can,

“Well, she kind of called you some names and I told her that I’m not very happy with that, right before she canceled the trip, but that’s all,” Harry said with such ease and then took some fries and dip them into his organic ketchup which Y/N hates the most,

“You guys broke up because of me?” Y/N asked she was startled a bit, trying to hold her laughter,

“Oi, you’re laughing over my pain and I’m over here a meanie, you are,” he slapped her foot jokingly, “Well, no, not really. We’ve been having some arguments for the past months, not that big that could cost us our relationship, but I think it just kind of, I don’t know? Piled up until that day and we both kind of had enough, you know?”

“I’m kind of stupid, you know?” he continued, still playing with his fries, “she was– I don’t know, she was mean. I could never get into her head, she wanted me to do this and then she asked me to do that. It’s kind of control, I don’t like that. She knew how much work means to me, yet she asked me to stop? I’ve never told you this before, because I didn’t want you to worry, but that time when I almost canceled my tour, that night in Japan, it was not because I was sick, it was because she told me that if I didn’t go home she would break up with me,” he might not show it, but Y/N knows that he was hurting, hell, he still is. He keeps his head down, still playing with his fries,

“I was too dumb to see that she was toxic. Jeff told me that he wouldn’t let me jeopardize my career for her, but what I did was yell at him, felt bad, gave him a week off after, that’s why he went to Fuji without me. Then, Jeff threatened me that if I go home, he would tell you what actually happened, I was going to lie to you.” He looked at her in an apologetic way, which she replied with a smile, there’s nothing to be sorry for,

“You’re not stupid, H. You were naïve. You told me that she was your first love, didn’t you?” She asked him, which then he answered with,

“No, she wasn’t, I don’t think so. But, she was my longest, I took a lot of effort to be with her, thought this was gonna be the last, y’know?”

“Well, okay. You invested a lot in her, you wanted to think that she’s all that, of course. You wanted her to be what you imagined the love of your life would be to the point where you didn’t want to see the toxic that she brought into your life. I didn’t say anything to you before, because I want you to know what it feels like, to be heartbroken, so you know what not to see in your future relationship. You’ve seen too many romcoms and read so many unrealistic books. You never expected your life falling apart on your bedroom floor the day you know that it was over. And the worst part is, you never would’ve guessed that after all the love you gave her, she would leave,” Y/N let Harry shifted, putting his head on her lap,

“The day I found you crying on your bedroom floor was the worst day of my life. I wanted to run to her house, slap her, break her nose and tell her that’s what she gets for breaking my best friend’s heart. But I didn’t, because I know that sooner or later she would’ve felt sorry for herself for losing you.” She continued playing with his hair, even just remembering the day that events occurred hurts her so much, seeing her best friend laying on the floor, crying because the love of his life left and he just realized how toxic their relationship was,

“You were going to propose, weren’t you?” she asked out of nowhere,

“I was, I chose a ring. Was going to pick it up after the vacation, but she broke up with me, well, that saved me a hundred thousand dollars,” he chuckled which then received a slap on his head, “what the hell was that for?” he strokes his head,

“A hundred thousand dollars? I’m going to fucking kill you if it was a Winston ring,” she was ready to slap his head again,

“It was, I’m sorry, no more slap, you meanie. It hurts.” He was still trying to cover his head from being slapped,

“I swear to God; did you took a peek on my Pinterest account again? Harry, I hate you and I’m going to make another account. Private.” She said, pinching his shoulder, which then was replied by a slap on her lap,

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Harry tried to duck his head, too afraid to get another slap on his head, “now back to the real problem,”

“I really want it to be her you know? But, I worked so hard to be where I am now and I’m not, and will not let someone take that from me. I just couldn’t, y’know?” he continued, burying his head on Y/N’s lap, trying to hide his face from her,

“I know, love, I know. I’m so sorry this happened to you,” she started playing with his hair, trying to calm him down, it breaks her heart seeing him this broken, even after 8 months, this shows how much impact his ex has over him,

“And it sucks because I can’t talk to my mum, I don’t want to disappoint her,” he played with the string of her sweater which she slapped his hand later on,

“No one is disappointed in you, Harry. It’s your relationship, it’s between you and her, everyone’s feeling? They don’t matter.” Harry is still trying to hide his face on her lap, she knows he doesn’t want her to see him upset, he knows how she feels about that, she made it clear long time ago,

“You really did love her, didn’t you?” he swore he can see her choke for a second before manipulating it into a cough,

“I did,” he replied, “I really did love her.” He replied while carefully watching her reaction, she didn’t, she didn’t react, not even a flinch, but he swears he saw her choked. “Stop looking at me like that, you minx,” she slapped his face jokingly,

“Then stop looking at me with pity,” he said, slapping her thigh while chuckling,

“I am not, you dum-dum,” at least not to him, it wasn’t a look of pity for him, it was a look of pity of herself, there he is, laying on her lap, yet he isn’t hers. Not once, not ever. In fact, there she was, with him, while his heart was somewhere else with a girl that doesn’t deserve it.

“Are you,” she hesitated, “are you hungry?” she asked while moving his face from her lap,

“Not really, are you?” he stands up, fixing the wrinkles on his shirt,

“Is that what you really wanted to ask?” Harry asked, confusion on his face,

“Yeah, why?” she asked, confusion also in her face. Harry laughed because he really thought she was going to ask something important.

“Stop it, let’s go,” she left him at the bungalow and walked into his house to get something to eat.

But that’s not what she wanted to ask, hell no, why would she ask whether he was hungry or not when he was just having his dinner before she came, when he finished all the fries that he brought, Harry has a big appetite but she’s not dumb to think that he has that big of an appetite.

She almost slapped herself because of how dumb she is, why can’t she just ask the question? Just a seven-word question ended with a question mark, but she knew damn well she is afraid of the answer. She wasn’t afraid to ask him the question, she was afraid of the answer. She wanted to ask, Are you ever going back to her?

What would you do if she ever apologizes?

But the one question that she fears the answer the most are the one she wanted to ask the most, yet she is frightened about the answer, the thought about what his answer might be filling her with dread,

It has been two weeks since Harry’s home and Y/N has been really sensitive with everything since then. Harry knows better not to get in her way because she’s been so snarky. It has happened before and Harry usually tried to cheer her up, but this time he’s also tired. He came home to be with his girl, but all she did was trying to keep her distance. This Y/N usually happened when she’s in her highest level of stress, she has this habit of pressing down whatever she’s feeling to the point where she can’t hold it anymore and then she finally explodes.

Y/N is that person you know that when she wants something, she has to get it. It has been one of the main things that she always knows since she was little. She’s a law student, a good one, actually. Always wanted to be a lawyer since she was around 7 years old, after watching legally blonde. Y/N knows the consequences that she had to face when she and Harry first started up their relationship, there are some sacrifices that she has to make. Y/N and Harry met through Jeff’s girlfriend, Glenne, who happens to be one of Y/N’s closest friends in Uni. Glenne has graduated a year before her, that is when she finally realized that she has been putting her life on hold. She took a year off when she and Harry’s relationship started getting more serious. A bit foolish, looking back now. But unlike her, Harry’s solo career has taken off in a blink of an eye. What about hers? She’s been stuck in the same cycle over and over again to the point where she thinks that maybe, just maybe, Harry is her anchor, but not in a good way. Everyone knows how people have their own human anchor that keeps them down in a good way, but not this one, this doesn’t feel like that. She feels like Harry is the reason why she’s going nowhere, he feels like an anchor that keeps her drowning, and gosh, she just wanted to swim.  

She started Uni, again, a year later, but she has missed a lot of classes because she needs to be there for Harry, which affects her GPA a lot. Some of her professors have contacted her about her GPA; saying that if she wanted an intern in their firm, she has to be more serious and her sole focus has to be one goal only; being a lawyer.

***

“Do you want to eat out tonight? I’ve been wanting Nobu for a while now.” Harry started the conversation after they sat there in the sofa for twenty minutes without saying anything, Y/N with her laptop on her lap and Harry is just sitting there in a silent, legs up on the table, and watching her typing since then.

“Can’t, have to finish up my assignments due in two days,” she said without looking up from the laptop,

“We haven’t been catching up since I’m home, love, you’ve been so busy lately,” he continued, and finally found the courage to move his seat next to her, “I said, I can’t, H. This is important.” She said finally looking at him when he moved beside her,

“Well, okay, do you want me to buy you anything for dinner? Maybe some smoothies?” he asked, again, trying to make some conversation, or maybe just trying to look after her,

“I don’t know, maybe I’ll just make some later,” she tried to stop the conversation because to be fair, she doesn’t feel like talking, not to anyone, not to him. The realization of what she’s been doing to her own self just ate her up to the point where she thinks that even just taking a minute to talk is just going to waste her time even more,

“You know, don’t worry about me, if you want Nobu, go. Ask Jeff or someone to come with you, you have lots of friends, don’t you? Go talk to them.” She said, getting up and walked to their room without even looking back to Harry. Harry sat there calmly, he saw this coming actually, that’s what she has been doing since he came home, snapping at everything he said. He sighed and lay his head on the sofa for a while, he’s tired. He’s tired physically and mentally, which the latter one usually can easily be cured by her presence, but now it seems like she might be the reason for it.

He then decided to also walk to their room, trying to maybe talk it out after she finishes her assignment. She was laying on the bed with her phone when Harry walked to the room,

“I’m going out with Sarah tonight,” she said without looking away from her phone. Harry was startled because when he asked for dinner together she said that she has to finish her assignment and told him to go out with his friends and now she’s the one going out with his band member,

“Thought you said you wanted to finish your assignment?” he walked to her side, looking down to her,

“I finished already, thought you wanted to go out with the guys.” She said casually, not looking at her phone once more,

“Come on, love. Are you avoiding me or something? We haven’t talked with each other since I came home, it seems like either you always have assignments or you’re going out with some friends. I need to be with you for more than two minutes, please?” He sat down beside her, trying to reach out to her hands,

“I know, but I already made plans with them for months ago, Harry. You didn’t even tell me you were going home before and I can’t cancel my plans with them just because you’re suddenly home.” She runs her hand to her hair, getting frustrated because she knows too damn well where the conversation is going,

“But, I’m not always home, aren’t I? Why can’t you just make time for me for a little bit?” He asked again, trying to come up with better words,

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you,” she stood up from her bed, facing him, “I can’t make time for you for a little bit?” she raised her voice and for a second Harry was startled because he didn’t mean for this conversation to turn into an argument,

“What? I’m right, aren’t I? Because now whenever I have free time you’re never home, or you’re always preoccupied with something. You know how my schedule is, how can you not make time for me even for just a day, with me? Love, I’m going away, again, tomorrow. I’m not going to see you for another two months for my second album release.” He’s now getting as frustrated as she is, standing up so that they can be even now, looking eye to eye. This is the longest they’ve talked since he’s home,

“Oh no, don’t you dare pull out that ‘I’m so busy with my schedule because I’m a musician’ thing to me, Styles. How dare you say something like that when every time you’re gone to another country for months all I did was wait for you to come home and open my arms the second you arrived. When you work in your studios all the freaking time, how dare you say that when every time you’re home I made dinner for you and you didn’t even come home, because you’re in your studios all the damn time. How dare you say that I don’t make time for you when the second our relationship has gotten serious, I took a year off from Uni for you. Don’t pin this on me when it hasn’t been fair for me. This, whatever it is you’re doing to me, H, it isn’t love. You don’t do that to someone you love.” There it was, she finally exploded, and Harry was furious with whatever words that came from her mouth, he didn’t know why he was so mad, maybe because she was right, maybe because he hasn’t been the best boyfriend in the world, but he tried. God, he tried.

“What if you’re in my position? Would you take a year off of your career to help mine? To wait for me, cook up dinner for me which ended up with me calling you to tell you that I can’t make it for dinner because something came on the firm, and then you eat your now cold dinner alone wondering what the hell am I doing to myself? Not even for all that, would you hold off your career just to be there for me? To be there for every mental breakdown that I’m going to have before every exams and trial? Would you? No, because we’re talking about you here, your time is worth so much more than mine, am I right?” she continued when she saw Harry freezes in his place,

“What? So, you want me to hold off my second album to make time for you? Is that what you want?” he finally opens his mouth, “Is this what this all about? Because my career is better than yours? I never asked you to hold your Uni, you did that out of nowhere. What? And now you’re jealous because you just realized that you’re going nowhere and my career has been better than yours? Is that what it is?” he shook his head in disbelief,

“I’m not talking with you until you realized what you just said, H. You’re upset, I’m gonna go now, I’ll come back for the part where you beg me to forgive you.” She said, taking her car keys and purse,

“I’m breaking up with you, then. I can’t be with someone that thinks my success is her failure or whatever it is,” he then took his wallet with him, both of them decided to maybe walking away is the better choice,

“Oh no, you don’t. Don’t you see I’ve been cooking up dinner for someone who’s not even there? bustin’ my ass for someone who didn’t even care to come home? You can’t do that to me. If we’re going to break up, you don’t get to be the one that break things up. I am. I’m leaving.” She then proceeds to go to their closet, taking the closest luggage that she can reach and packed all of her stuff that she can keep in there, Harry was just standing there looking at her in once again, disbelief. If that’s what she wants, then that’s what he’ll give her.

“Good then, leave my key on the nightstand, don’t let the door hit you on your way out,” he pointed to his side of the nightstand. Next time you’re looking for someone, why don’t you go for a high school graduate that just got into college? Maybe you wouldn’t be so jealous of them since you’re already ahead of them.” He snapped and then walking out of the door.

*** 

Harry 2:15am I know you were mad at me and I just hope you didn’t mean what you said to me about how I didn’t love you. I know that I haven’t been the best boyfriend but one thing that you shouldn’t have question from me is my love for you, because everything that I ever did was for you and us in the future–when there was still a future for us. Hope you’re well. H

Y/n is doomed,

super doomed,

and by doomed, she meant a total catastrophe, the end of the fucking world, doom. Of course, her timing is never perfect, when in the world is her timing ever perfect? Considering the time that she is certain that she is in love with someone the universe laughed in front of her face, the universe hates her guts so much that she has to confessed to her roommate after 3 years of living together, that she is in love with her best friend, and it drives her crazy. It was Saturday night, she was re-watching her favourite TV show, Friends, when her best friend, Harry, texted her,

I’m proposing next month. Ring is ready, photographer is ready, all is well-planned, I just need you to be there for me so I don’t look like a fool.

She was confused, thinking has Harry been drinking again? Of course not, Harry is not the drinking-until-drunk-and-out-of-control type of guy, and she knows that by heart because that is one of the many reasons she fell for Harry. Pathetic? Really. Falling in love with her own best friend that already has a girlfriend, not to mention, a really pretty, supermodel type of girlfriend that almost every man dreamt of being with.

She panicked, how can she not? The man she fell in love with for 7 years is proposing to someone and asked for her help and she couldn’t say no, hell, Harry could ask her to jump off a cliff for him and she would say yes in a heartbeat without thinking, so she texted him back,

Of course, big guy.

She regretted it immediately the second she hit the send button. Ten minutes later she decided to call her roommate to come home immediately because of emergency, her exact words were, “I made a big mistake, a fucking big mistake, this is not a drill, this is an emergency, this is my life we’re talking about!”

Being the bestest roommate that she is, Caroline, rushed to their apartment thinking the worst thing possible just happened to her one and only roommate, with her phone in her hand, ready to call 911.

“What happened? What happened?” Caroline rushed through the door, limping, because she hit herself on the knee with the vanity by the door.

“Harry asked my help to propose his girlfriend.” Y/n said, biting her nails, because for the love of Zeus, she’s nervous.

“So? Help him, I mean, you never said anything bad about– who’s his girlfriend again?”

“Rosie.”

“Yeah, Rosie. You said to me that she’s perfect for him, right? Oh my god, I came all the way from the pub for this?” Caroline asked, throwing herself to the sofa, and contemplating to just kill her roommate for what she puts her through.

“Uh, well, yeah, but Care–”

“Oh, my fucking God, you’re fucking in love with him, aren’t you?” Caroline stand up immediately, dropping her phone to the floor, Y/n secretly hope that her phone is alright, because if it is not, well, let’s just say she will have to spend a couple hundred dollars for that.

“I, well–”

“I fucking knew it, you’ve been in love with him this whole time! That’s why you always rejected every guy that I’m about to introduce you to before even meeting them, saying that you don’t have time for boyfriends, ugh, I knew it was all bullshit, how can you never say anything to me?” Caroline yelled, throwing her hands around to show her that she really is mad, that she is beyond mad, she is in fact, furious.

“I couldn’t, okay? I didn’t know I was really falling in love with him, I thought it was just a silly crush that will go away later, okay? I didn’t realize that it has been years and I still had this silly crush over him,” she huffed, just realizing how stupid she is, because for God’s sake, it has been 7 years,

“Years? For how long? How many years have you been keeping this secret from him?”

“Seven,” she mumbled because she was humiliated with herself,

“Can’t hear you!”

“Seven years, okay! I’ve been in love with him for seven years!” Y/n finally yelled, getting irritated because of course Caroline will never shut up about this for the rest of her life.

“Oh my god, you’re an idiot. You have the highest GPA in this university but you’re a fucking idiot. Call him, call him right now!” Caroline said, she was in the verge of crying, she doesn’t even know why this hurts her so much, she was imagining what it must felt like for her best friend keeping her feeling for years. That’s Caroline for you, the best person that everyone can think of.

“And say what? What do you want me to say? ‘Hello H, it’s me, I got your text, congratulation with your soon to be proposal, oh by the way, I’ve been in love with you for seven fucking years!’ That’s what you want me to say? That I’m in love with him a month before his proposal, being the best friend that I am?” Y/n yelled, crying her heart out to the only person that she knows will understand her,

“I’ve known you my whole life, we’ve been roommates for three years, and never in my life did I think of you as a coward. Talk to him before it’s too late, because I won’t let you be someone that regret not doing everything that she can do for something she wholeheartedly loves. I won’t let you be that person.”

***

Y/n doesn’t know the exact time she fell in love with Harry. Maybe it was when he stood up for her in high school when his girlfriend called her a whore for hanging out at Harry’s place all the time. Maybe it was when Harry was willing to be her prom date when her date bailed on her. Or maybe it was when no matter where Harry is whether he is half a world away or just steps away from her, she is still the first person that he called whenever there’s good news or even just when he got his favourite limited-edition candle and he is really happy about it. Maybe it was when Harry keeps all of her skin-care in his guest bathroom just in case she wanted to stay over and doesn’t bring any. She watched a movie in Netflix once that said something along, ‘you like someone because, and you love someone despite.’ She loves Harry despite his lack of filter whenever he’s around her, she loves Harry despite his lifestyles that are very different with her, she loves Harry despite his love for blue cheese, she hates blue cheese more than anything. She loves Harry despite his annoying behaviour whenever she had masks on and that he’ll do anything and everything to make her laugh and ruin her mask. She likes Harry because, and she loves Harry despite.

***

So, there she is, in Harry’s living room, two weeks before his proposal to his girlfriend, contemplating on whether she should tell him she loves him or just get on with her life without him ever knowing her feelings to him. If she chooses the latter, then she would be a coward, and she doesn’t want to be a coward, and her tiny little space in her heart is hoping that maybe, just maybe, there’s a slight chance for her and Harry, and that maybe if she tells him that she loves him, Harry would pick her, maybe.

“Lovie, what do you want to watch?” Harry asked, sitting comfortably beside her, throwing his left hand behind her, almost cuddling her,

“Whatever, I’m fine.” She answered, half-heartedly because to be honest, she didn’t come to Harry’s apartment at 11pm to watch movies together or binge-watch any shows.

“Friends it is then, is that okay?” Harry asked, well, it was actually a rhetorical question because they watch Friends all the time. Harry grabbed his phone, busy texting someone rather than watching the shows with his best friend.

“H, I need to talk to you.” She blurted it out of the blue, fidgeting her fingers, one of her annoying habits that harry picked up years ago,

“Ok, a second.” Harry said without lifting his head up from his phone, still typing a long-ass paragraph with his right hand, “M’kay, what is it?” He finally locked his phone and finally put his phone down.

“There’s something that I need to tell you. I don’t know how to say this, because I’ve been keeping it for years from you, and I don’t want you change your mind about anything after I say it to you, and know that it takes everything in me to say this to you.” She said, running out of breath.

“Ok, you’re scaring me now, Lovie. Is Rosie cheating on me?” Harry asked, shifting his position so he is facing her,

“No, no! What? No, it’s about me. Well I don’t know how to say it!” She yelled again, taking her hands to cover her face up, she’s frustrated.

“You? What’s wrong, Lovie? Just, blurt it out. I promise I will listen to you, like always, ok?” Harry said, crossing his hands to his heart,

“Well, you promised. Ok so here goes nothing,” this time it was her turn to shift, facing Harry, “I’m in love with you. I don’t know when and I don’t know how, what I know is I’ve been keeping this feeling from you for 7 years and it fucking hurts me every time you go out with someone else. At first, I thought it was just some silly crush that will go away, but it doesn’t and it hurts. I didn’t want to tell you at first, because I don’t want to lose our friendship, I’m okay with keeping my feelings from you as long as I still have you as my best friend; someone that talks to me at 3am when I am drinking my ass off, someone to call home. But, hearing the news that you’re going to propose to someone else today made me realise that you never see me that way and whether I tell you I’m in love with you or not, I’m still going to lose you. You won’t call me at 4am anymore just because you’re lonely, because now you will have someone else beside you, and it pains me knowing that it won’t be me. I don’t know why I decided to tell you now but I thought if I didn’t, I’m never going to tell you. So, that’s all I wanted to say to you. This is me pouring all of my heart to you.” She finally said it, she managed not to cry while pouring all of her feelings to him, but she won’t lie, she’s a second away from blinking her tears from her eyes.

Harry froze. Not knowing what to say because, how the hell do you face your best friend who is confessing her love to you? Harry froze because he doesn’t know how to react. There she is, his best friend, his very own best friend, crying in front of him, pouring all of her heart out, saying that she’s in love with him, and he doesn’t feel the same. Harry does not feel the same. And for the love of god, does Harry know that she’s in love with him this whole time because he is not a goddamn idiot.

“I know.” Is all that Harry managed to say. I know, the only two words that came out of Harry’s mouth.

“What?”

“I know. I know that you’ve been in love with me for years. Do you think I wouldn’t realise why you haven’t been with someone for the last–what? 4 years? 5 years?” He finally broke the silence once again, “Saying that you don’t want to be in a relationship, that men don’t impress you anymore, that you feel icky talking about love yet all that you watch is romcom all the time. You expect me to believe all that bullshit, yet every time I’m gushing about my vacation and date with Rosie your mood suddenly changes? Yet every time I’m with Rosie you had to walk away because you can’t stand seeing me with someone else? Making my love feels like my best friend hated her? I know you’ve been in love with me this whole time.” This time it was finally Harry’s time to poured all of his secret that he’s been keeping.

Harry noticed the changes in Y/n face when he called Rosie his love; how the fountain in her eyes decided to fall with no intention to stop. He wishes more than anything that he could have told her that her pain is also hurting him. But, how could he? It will only add another sadness in her, what’s worse is maybe it will add another hope in her. He read somewhere that how someone react to one’s sadness says a lot about their feeling to them, so he chose not to.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” she asked, breathlessly, not wanting to know the answer of that question.

“The same reason you didn’t. Lovie, you have to understand that I don’t feel the same. I don’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want it to be true.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Call you what? Lovie? I call you that all the time, it doesn’t mean anything. Just a silly pet name.” He said, and Harry cursed himself because how does everything that comes from his mouth sound so mean now, he was just telling the truth. But he knows that she doesn’t think it was just a silly name, because a silly name would be baby, love, or even honey but not Lovie. He made Lovie specifically for her, everyone knows Lovie is Y/n.

“What do you want me to do, Y/n?” he asked, helplessly, because God knows he really don’t know what to do.

“I don’t know what I want. You want me to be honest? I want you. I want you to be the love of my life. I want you to love me more than you love her. What I want in the world more than anything is for you to love me back. God, H, this me begging to you. You know that I don’t beg. This is me breaking all of my walls to you. Because to be fair, I’d do anything for you, and you know that.” She’s frustrated now, this is not her at all, everyone knows how Y/n is. She never asks, even Harry feels like he’s looking at someone he doesn’t know at all. “Don’t. Don’t ask me that, it is hard enough for me watching you fall for me like that. Don’t ask me to love you back, you know more than anyone that I could never love you like that.” But then whatever comes after that was something she never expect, Harry kissed her. They have kissed before; several drunken kisses, some please-get-better kisses, some playful kisses, but this one is different, this feels more like a goodbye kiss.

“Please know that it takes everything in me to ask you this, that I never imagined our friendship to come to this, that I never imagined these words coming out from my mouth ever.” He sighed,  

“Please never see me again, at least until you know that you don’t have any more feelings for me. Please don’t ever wait for me, I’m not worth your time.” He stopped for a second,

“All I want in the world right now, is to see you walking out my life.” He finally said it, and God does it hurts so bad, he feels like a douche-bag right now, because he was supposed to be there for his best friend, right? He was supposed to be the only person who would never hurt her. But instead, he asked her to leave. Who does that to their own best friend?

“I want you to watch me leave, then. I want you to remember this exact feeling when you let me go. I want you to remember the feeling when you let your best friend go and how you are the person that broke me, when you promised me years ago that you would be the one person who will never hurt me.” She then proceeds to walk out of his door, out of his life. God knows that he will remember that feeling; watching his best friend for seven years leaving him alone and there’s nothing that he can do to stop her because to be fair, he asked her.

***

It was 3am, 3 months after Harry’s proposal to his soon to be wife and a month before their wedding. She doesn’t want to know, but Caroline got the news, and she literally begged her to tell her everything. She even made Caroline spill their wedding theme, which is a celestial with star-infused wedding invites. Caroline made sure Harry didn’t invite Y/n even though he still gave Caroline her invitation and that it was all up to Y/n whether she wanted to come or not. She broke down when Caroline gave her the invitation. The words, ‘the sky is the limit’ is written beautifully on the invitation. They got a constellation-inspired wedding theme. Constellation was both Y/n and Harry’s favourite thing in the world, they can memorise every constellation possible together, and star-gazing was their favourite thing to do, they both are so in love with the universe, how ironic since the universe is literally against her. 

Caroline asked her to go out with her that night, to drink all of her sorrows, and who is she to deny that? But little did she knows that, that decision leads her to her half-sober self, calling Harry at 3am, she had his number blocked before, god knows why she unblocked it now. But it went straight to voicemail, of course he’s not going to pick up, he’s probably asleep in his fiancée’s arms. But then, 5 minutes later she received a text,

Why did you call?

and the second after,