Hi. I don't mean to be annoying but do you have any bunker fics with sick/hurting/lonely Cas ? Cas feels like a burden or that he doesn't belong there and Dean feels guilty ? Or Dean lashes out or jokes about something and it hurts Castiel's feelings ?
Hi again! Sorry for the wait on thisâwanted to make sure the members of our discord had a chance to see this request after it was passed along, and come up with recs. :)
Now, some of these vary in themes and moods, so I canât guarantee that Cas is sick/hurting/lonely in all of them, but the general idea of most of these is sad!Cas in the bunker! Iâm also including some happier bunker fics, in case you could use some lighter fics to break up all of the heavier ones. (I was going to link these in a separate list, but between not being sure what would go where, and not having enough happy bunker fics for a full list - this ended up being easier. Hope thatâs okay!)
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This Oneâs For You, Dean by @envydeanâ
Ten years. Heâs been in love with Dean for ten years, and who even knows if Dean had ever thought about him like that. He wonders about moments, specific moments between them. The times Sam has been out getting food or even just putting explicit trust in one another.
He Canât Sleep by @60r3d0mâ
âI wish I could stand,â Cas says.âYeah,â Dean says.Cas holds up his hand, flexes it, stares and then drops it.âThis weakness is unsettling. I canâtâI canât even hold a pitcher of water, Dean.âDean makes a small sound in his throat, a non-committal hum.Heâs done soaping up Casâ hair. He grabs the sponge at his side and starts to scrub at Casâ skin, up along his arms, his neck, down his chest. When he runs it up his legs, to his thighs, Cas shudders and then thereâs a hand cupping Deanâs cheek, cold and dripping water and soap, and Dean falters, looks at him for the first time.âWill you sleep with me?â Cas says. âTonight?âDean swallows.He says yes.After Luciferâs possession, Castiel stops talking.
Dislocation by @60r3d0mâ
After the sun is restored and the Woman of Letters banishes Castiel, he falls and becomes human, lost and alone in a place far from home. Four hundred and fifty-one days later, Sam finds him.He tells Castiel that Dean is alive.So they go. They go and they arrive at the bunker and Samâs acting strange and thereâs something that heâs not telling Castiel, something about Dean.And then Castiel finally reunites with Dean.And there is something about Dean.Something about Dean that has Dean pulling Castiel into tight embraces, something about Dean that has Dean running his thumb across Castielâs cheek with a tender look in his eyes, and something about Dean that has Dean shaking when Castiel says certain things to him, things that are normal, things that should not affect him this way.There is something about Dean that no one is telling him.
Sweater Weather by Lies_Unfurl
Castielâs fashion sense has⌠changed, ever since he came back from the Empty human. And Dean doesnât like it. Not that he cares what Castiel wears or anything. Heâs just trying to be a good guy who helps his friend dress in a way thatâll eventually get him laid.
Right?
Cuckoo and Nest by komodobits
For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean â Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled âDo Not Disturbâ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb â is sentimental.
It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.
(And now some fics that tend toward the lighter side. :) )
Castielâs Breaking Point by @suckerfordeansfreckles
Castiel has been keeping quiet for four weeks, when he finally runs out of patience.
Four weeks of him shoving the tiny, velvety box out of the way when grabbing his socks, suppressing his anger about Deanâs apparent inability to find a good hiding place or to just think about who he shares his room- and sock drawer- with.Four weeks of him waiting for Dean to pop the big question.Four weeks of his mood progressively turning gloomierâŚ
Not the Same by @cutelittlekittykorner
Cas keeps popping into the bunker at the most random times to not ask Dean something. Will he ever nut up and say whatâs on his mind or is he just trying to see how many random appearances of trench-coated suit-wearing angels it takes to give a human a heart attack?
You Ainât Empty by @casbeanie
âC'mon, Cas. For once in our fucking lives we got nothing to worry about, and youâre sitting there, brooding. So tell me whatâs got your panties in a twist.â
âNothing. Nothing and no one have ever twisted my underwear. Maybe thatâs the problem.â
Orison by @jimminovak
Dean wants to wake up with Cas pressing his face into his chest, muffling a grumpy protest at the early morningâhair in wild locks on his naked skin so close that Dean could press his lips into them. He wants to pull Cas close and trace patterns on his back, or gently nudge his side until heâd start squirming and chuckling, still half asleep as heâd roll off Deanâs chest, only to snuggle closer a moment later.
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Summary: You meet up with the Winchesters to catch up on the last few months and meet their newest friend, Castiel. However, Cas isnât feeling up to socializing. But once you meet his eyes across the bar, you canât help but go talk to him, hoping to ease some of the pain he keeps harbored inside.
Word Count: 1808
Warnings: None
A/N: This is for @kathaswingsâ 1K celebration challenge. Congrats, Lina! My dialogue prompt was âIn his eyes, all the sadness in the worldâ from Phantom of the Opera, and I donât know what it is about Cas, but whenever I write for him, I just wanna wrap him up in a dozen blankets, bring him some hot cocoa, and make sure he knows that heâs loved. He just always seems so dang sad and thatâs not right. So as soon as I saw this prompt, I knew it was meant for Cas. I mean, have you looked at his eyes?
Version en EspaĂąol:Â La Ăltima Oportunidad
âHola, bitches!â Charlie announced your arrival as she always did. Sam and Dean grinned widely as they stood to hug the both of you. It had been way too long since youâd seen the brothers. There wasnât a single reason in the world that you should ever go more than a month between Winchester hugs. All of their other wonderful qualities paled in comparison to their hugging skills.
Sam hugged you last, and he tried pulling away after a minute, but you kept your arms tight around him. âNuh-uh, dude. Weâve got three monthsâ worth of this to catch up on.â
His chuckle rumbled through his chest and right into your body as he squeezed you closer again. The air behind you moved slightly, then there was another pair of arms around both you and Sam, and Deanâs dry, cool scent joined Samâs.
âThis is what Iâm talking about!â Your mumble was barely audible, seeing as how very you were squished between the two.
âNo way am I missing out on this.â Charlie wiggled between Dean and you, and the four of you stood in a group hug in the middle of the bar.
A minute later, the hug unraveled and the four of you sat at the table. Dean asked what was new in your lives, so you caught him up on your crazy work schedule, Charlieâs never-ending dating life, and the new dog that your other roommate had adopted. Sam perked up at that last part and you promised to introduce him to the fuzzy, furry hairball of a puppy before they left town.
âSo, whereâs this friend you wanted to introduce us to?â You asked, sipping on the soda youâd ordered. âThe newest member of your super elite Impala Squad?â
âImpala Squad?â Sam choked out, laughing. âDo you realize what youâve just done?â
Dean nodded thoughtfully, ignoring his brother. âI like that. The Impala Squad.â He smacked Samâs shoulder excitedly with the back of his hand. âDude! We should start a band and name it The Impala Squad!â
âThanks, Y/N,â Sam sneered jokingly, giving you his best bitch face. âHeâs never going to let this go.â
âReally though, where is this new guy?â Charlie redirected the conversation back onto track. âI was excited to meet him. You two made it seem like weâd all be great friends.â
Dean sobered up slightly and glanced over at the bar. âHeâs had a rough few days and wasnât feeling up to socializing.â
âCas isnât usually up to socializing anyway,â Sam butts in. âGreat guy, but he definitely needs to work on his people skills.â
You follow Deanâs eyes to where a man sits at the end of the bar. A light tan coat was thrown over the back of the barstool and his white shirt was slightly rumbled. Even from this far away, you could see that the deep blue tie he wore loosely around his neck matched his eyes. As you were taking stock of him, he glanced over and caught your gaze for a brief moment. In those few seconds, you could have sworn that you saw straight through to his soul.
âHeâs usually a pretty happy dude,â Dean was saying when you came back to yourself.
âYet in his eyes, all the sadness in the world,â you mumbled, unaware that you were even speaking.
âHuh?â
You turned your attention back to your friends, catching Charlieâs understanding look. Youâd watched Phantom of the Opera so many times together, that she immediately knew exactly what you meant. Castiel might be a pretty happy dude most of the time, but there was something in his past that left him a tortured soul.
âIâm going to go talk to him.â
âY/N,â Dean reached out for you when you stood up, grabbing your hand. âHe really has had a bad few days.â
âI know. But Dean, this is what I do. You guys are recruiters who talk college graduates into working for your firm, and Iâm a psychologist who talks people into talking who donât want to talk. And you know what? They usually feel better after talking to me.â You glanced over at Cas again and felt a pull towards him. âBesides, he needs someone to talk to.â
You squeezed Deanâs fingers once and pulled away, walking over to the figure hunched over the bar, nursing his drink.
He caught sight of you coming closer and a slight scowl. âI donât know what the Winchesters told you, but I donât really want to meet anyone new tonight.â
So, it wasnât just socializing tonight, then. There was a hang up on meeting other people. Bringing new people into his life.
âOh, I know. They told me.â You slid onto the barstool next to him and signaled for the bartender. âHi, Iâd like a virgin strawberry daiquiri for myself, and whatever he wants next.â
âYou donât have toââ
âWhat do you want, Cas?â You werenât about to take no for an answer.
He held your eyes for a moment longer before giving in and tapping the rim of his glass. The cute bartender nodded her understanding and set to work. In no time at all, she set your glasses down in front of you and you slid her some cash. âThank you⌠sorry, I didnât catch your name.â
âChantelle.â
âThank you, Chantelle,â you said with a genuine smile.
A minute passed in silence before Cas broke it. âDo you always do that? Get peopleâs names?â
âYeah.â You kept your answers light and casual, with just the right amount of teasing. âI typically always want to meet new people. But itâs not for everyone,â you shrugged. Cas just grunted and turned back to his drink.
Twisting the barstool around, you watched the few people on the dance floor for a few more minutes, sipping at your drink. Your silence would pull Cas out of his shell. You were sure of it. People who told their friends they didnât want to talk, typically just didnât want to talk to them. Complete strangers, howeverâŚ
âVirgin daiquiri?â He finally asked.
You bit down a grin, glanced at him briefly, then turned your attention back to the dance floor. âYeah. Iâm on call this week.â
âOn call? What do you do?â
âIâm a psychologist. If the hospital gets an emergency tonight that requires my special set of skills, I need to be ready to go.â
He nodded lightly. âDoes that happen often here?â
âIt seems to happen more and more often,â you whisper, a pang of sorrow hitting your heart.
If you one day found yourself out of a job because your services were no longer needed and everyone was mentally, psychologically, and spiritually healthy, you would be the happiest unemployed person ever. Unfortunately, it seemed like your workload just kept building as more and more people needed you.
âThat canât be easy,â he mused.
You downed the last of your drink and shook your head. âItâs not. But you see it too. I mean, you recruit college kids with Sam and Dean. You see the colossal amount of stress theyâre under. The impossible standards theyâre held to. Of course, you see them at their best when theyâre dressed to impress, but Iâm sure you canât miss the agony and loss in their eyes.â
He shook his head in understanding and cast his eyes down to his glass. The eyes that had the same tortured look you had just been describing.
I bet you see that look every time you look in the mirror.
âBut you also get to see them grow,â you continued. âYou see these young adults, fresh out of college, stumbling along as they try and figure out the real world. You see their triumphs when they figure out the smallest of details. I bet thatâs a pretty great job.â
The corner of his lip twitched, nearly a smile. âYeah. Itâs not too bad.â
âI just feel sorry that you have to ruin that great job by traveling around the country with those two idiots over there. I canât imagine how many times theyâve dragged you into one of their stupid prank wars.â
At that slight ribbing, Cas actually chuckled, shaking his head fondly. âYouâre telling me. Iâve learned how to sleep with one eye open. Did you know they can pick locks? Nowhere is safe.â
âBack in college, I woke up to my entire room covered in shaving cream. Yeah, I know all about their lock-picking shit.â
Cas took another sip of his drink and looked at you head on. âDoes it ever get better? Do they ever let up?â
âSorry, bud. It only gets worse the more you get to know them. Though, I guess you do get to team up with them every once in a while to prank someone else, but⌠other than that⌠I suggest you sleep with both eyes open.â
As the night wore on, Casâs walls broke down even quicker than you had expected. You went from planning pranks for him to pull on the Winchesters, to talking about work, to talking about his dark past with his family. He loved them so much, but they had impossibly high standards that he couldnât live up to. That he didnât want to live up to. He didnât want to be a cookie cutter Novak. He wanted to be his own person, as well he should be.
âLast call!â Chantelle yelled to the patrons who were still lingering. You looked up in shock, surprised that so much time had passed. Charlie and the Winchesters were gone. Normally they would have told you they were leaving, but a text on your phone alerted you that they hadnât wanted to interrupt your conversation and risk Cas clamming up again.
âLooks like Iâm your ride back to your hotel, Cas.â
He stood on unsteady feet and you helped him into his coat. After thanking Chantelle again, you headed out to your car. Dean texted you the hotel name and Casâs room number when he left, so you knew exactly where to head. The conversation between you two headed into shallower waters on the drive and, before long, you found yourself in front of his hotel room door.
âYou call me if you ever want to talk, kay? Or if you need help dealing with the Winchesters.â
He smiled at you as he pulled out his keycard. âThank you for tonight, Y/N.â
âYouâre welcome, Cas.â You hesitated only a moment before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his cheek. âNow go get some sleep so youâre ready to deal with the Winchesters tomorrow. Ten hours in a car with them⌠I do not envy you at all.â
âDonât remind me,â he fake-groaned as he opened his door. Just before entering, he looked back at you. âIâll talk to you soon.â
After the door closed between you, you whispered, âI sure hope so.â
Do you have any fic recs where Cas has self esteem and/or abandonment issues ? I went through some of the fics under the ao3 tag but I was wondering if there were any you really liked in particular ?
Hi! This is such an interesting (and good!) trope to be looking for! Our blog isnât quite filled out enough yet to be any sort of definitive source, but I passed this request along to the members of our discord channel and got you some recs, some written by authors in our network (listed first), and some that are favorite reads. Hopefully these will have what youâre looking for!Â
The Last Day of Winter by @casbeanieâ
Six months ago, Dean packed up and left for the endless forests of the far North. He took Castiel's heart with him, and sometimes Cas wonders if he'll ever get it back.
Cheer Up, Buttercup by @envydeanâ
DeanCas + "You need to wake up because I canât do this without you.â
First Words by @suckerfordeansfrecklesâ
Cas isnât sure why he decides to text Dean now, at 3:24 a.m. â but with how his stomach is roaring and his head is pounding, his mouth still tasting like cheap tequila, all he wants is his best friend to take care of him.
Cas: I donât know why i even let Meg drag me out to party, but this isitCas: i think iâll dieCas: i didnât realize i had such a low alcohol tolernce
begin & end there by @reallyelegantsharkfishâ
Dean: Youâre not who you say you are
Cas has always known it might come to this â Dean knowing the pathetic reality of him â and he always knew whatever they were doing couldnât last. Eventually Dean would see through his excuses. Eventually he would meet someone like James: handsome, successful, confident. Someone that deserves Deanâs attention.
Get Some by sysrae
Very slowly, Dean turns. 'How'd you know I was here about a room?''Power of deduction,' says Castiel, leaning against the doorway. 'I mean, you're not after pot, and I'm pretty sure we haven't slept together.' He grins wolfishly, gaze sliding over Dean's body. 'You, I'd remember.'Dean's been hit on by guys before, but never so blatantly, let alone by a semi-naked dude in a kimono. A hot blush warms his cheeks, and he covers his shock with cockiness, tilting his head and grinning. 'Sorry to disappoint you, Cas, but I don't swing that way.'Castiel throws back his head and laughs. 'And you want to live here? What, did your friends put you up to this?''Actually, yeah.' Dean raises an eyebrow. 'Is that a problem for you?'
I love Sam, Dean and Castiel to death and I am completely aware that they all have been through some tough shit in their lives, donât get me wrong, but I feel something different towards Cas especially since he tries so hard to make everyone happy and do something good but he feels like such a failure because everything goes wrong in the end. He has such good intentions and such a big heart (because of a certain hunter) yet it all ends up biting him in the ass and it sucks. I hate to see him suffer like that just because he is trying to make things right, and sometimes I just really hate that the other characters give him shit for it. Itâs so fucking frustrating, because I can relate to him on a whole different level. I always try to make my family happy and keep all these emotions and stuff inside me for the greater good of those around me, yet it always backfires and I end up getting hurt and everyone turns on me. Maybe thatâs why I feel so protective towards him. And I know for a fact that once Sam and Dean save Cas from Lucifer that they are gonna be upset with him. They wonât understand that he felt so worthless and useless that he sacrificed his body and his life in order to save Dean, Sam, and the world from Amara. This isnât completely about Destiel, so I donât want any bibro fans on my ass because they think thatâs what this post is all about.
They all deserve better lives, but Cas just deserves someone there for him. Sam and Dean have each other as brothers and they always will have each other. When Sam betrayed Dean and helped Ruby start the apocalypse unintentionally, Dean didnât act the same as he did towards Cas whenever Cas betrayed him and sided with Crowley. Cas literally had no one to turn to like Dean did. All of his brothers and sisters want nothing to do with him because heâs an âabomination,â because he was trying to save Sam and Dean, or heaven, or the world.
My point of this rant is that the writers and some of the fans need to understand that although he is just a character, many people in real life go through this stuff and feel like Cas deserves way better than heâs given, especially since heâs so selfless in his actions yet everyone around him thinks differently. It literally brings me to tears sometimes because he deserves SO MUCH BETTER (this is so repetitive sorry)
I typed this at 8 in the morning because itâs been on my mind since last night and my heart has been hurting all day. Iâm literally about to cry at school because of a FUCKING FICTIONAL CHARACTER. THANKS SUPERNATURAL.
Okay Iâm done. If you got through this, congratulations. I know this may be annoying and a waste of your time, but I couldnât hold it in any longer. Our precious gem needs to be handled with care, Iâm sure we all agree on that :)
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